My wife is LDS and I have such a hard time understanding the control and hold that the church has on all of its members even the ones who don’t go to church.
It is cultural to the core. They are afraid of life without the church. I tell my wife this and I hardly get a fight. It is not about beliefs but about community and your image in that community.
PF, I can understand where you’re coming from. I converted to mormonism not long after I married a mormon, stayed with it for about 6 years and then went inactive/agnostic for about 15 yrs.
I recently accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and there has been some adjustment required within our household because of that.
I think it goes deeper than just religion, but what I’ve found is that many mormons now view me as the enemy. Even their teachings state that I, as an apostate in their religion, am damned to outer darkness (mormon hell). No redemption whatsoever for me or any other ex-mormon who speaks out against the church. I am viewed with “cautious skepticism” by those within my wife’s circle of “acquaintances” and fellow church members. I am someone to be avoided because “I may poison their thoughts and get them to question their faith”.
Even my wife has said that we don’t have any common ground to work from. I asked her if she thought the Bible wasn’t common ground and I didn’t receive a definitive answer. I think you’re correct to a point about the “community”, although I think they also draw “strength” or a sense of belonging by claiming persecution and victimhood.
Those who don’t go to church and who are still beholden to the LdS if you will, are still “ministered to” when the deacons come around to collect fast offerings. The church also sends the missionaries around to “visit” with these folks. They came by for me once. Tried to “remind me” of the covnenants and oaths I had made and the subsequent consequences of not abiding by them. I told them to go pound sand. Many others probably don’t.
Penny -
You have friends here, there are several who are in a very similar situation with the spouse an active mormon. Perhaps you can look / ask discretely around for a Christian Church in your area and may be see if you and your wife just ‘drop in’ to see that there IS a life outside of mormonism. I don’t know if you are in mormon country or not, but there may be a group of exmormon Christians who’ve formed a support group to ease the transition. I could recommend some websites that you could contact and perhaps get local information.
We’ll keep you in our prayers and feel free to Freepmail with any questions or prayer requests or anything else we may be able to do for your and your family.
I would love to talk with you. I am in Utah, and know plenty of support groups in most areas of the State. I will freepmail you.