Is this what sin and God's grace and love are like to you? God is God no matter what we believe.
Well, obviously the above is my estimation of the result of the Roman Catholic faith since it would seem much more important to God that man have free will and die, than to not have free will and live in Heaven forever. I don't see that as love at all. And, I WOULD say that God is God no matter what we believe. His truth is not dependent on whether anyone believes it or not.
Which is wrong. Sin, God's grace and love are no different from what you experience. If God is not "perfectly still" for you, why would you assume the Catholic experience is different?
Maybe because you separate 'subjective' free will from actual free will? And because you believe that God is different for the elect and reprobate?
God's grace and love and the pain of sin are the same for all humans. This is our theology. God does not hide or change dependent on the individual.This is our theology.
You can experience this the same as everyone else. It's only if you don't trust this - if you think it's subjective, illusionary, "percieved free will" as I believe you put it, then you can start believing that God depends on your theology.
And you can get lost in it, separating what you truly experience from how your theology says it actually is "from God's POV".
You can start living your experience distantly, on the layer of your theology. And the experience of God becomes more distant, removed, foreign, to you.
Like cooking from a recipe in a foreign language.
IMHO. FWIW.