Theo-con Pope tries to force all of us back to the Middle Ages (CINO Crying from Ireland)

Pope Benedict XVI is greeted by children on his arrival for his annual holidays in Lorenzago di Cadore, northern Italy yesterday

I STUMBLED upon a Latin Mass last winter. It was grim, joyless, interminable and disquieting. There was no music. Nobody shook hands or brought gifts to the altar. It was as exuberant a celebration of creation as an expired fly left to rot on a window sill.

The only fanfare that threatened was the persistent, pedantic locking and unlocking of the little gate in the altar railing. A priest passed through this gateway at one stage, came to the side chapel where I knelt and entered a confession box, prompting the formation of a long-faced queue of sinners.

All the while, the officiating priest droned on, with his chasubled back to the congregation. He was, of course, flexing the dead Latin tongue, but it could as easily have been Aramaic or the lingua franca of Mars, such was his incomprehensible mumbling. Clearly, he was having a private conversation with his Maker.

It was when I quit trying to eavesdrop that I noticed the disapproving glances. Worshippers in the centre aisles - youngish, older and oldish men and women, most holding missals with frayed marker ribbons - were squinting disdainfully in my direction. I did a quick inventory. Was I standing in a forbidden place? Did I lack devoutedness? Did I have serpents for arms, was a slimy green monster surging through my buttoned coat?

Then I discerned what was different between them and me: the women over there had their heads covered, mostly with flowing Grace Kelly mantillas, whereas my female head, to the eternal damnation of my soul, was unconcealed. I left before Mass was over.

In the porch, I read a notice listing the regular Latin Mass times and I resolved not to return. As I walked away, I remembered hearing that there used to be two public houses side-by-side in a village near my home town. One was called 'The Ramble Inn'. The other was 'The Stagger Out'. Their juxtaposition was an eloquent synopsis of my morning. I did not feel I had been involved in a religious ceremony. I felt excluded, belittled, resented - an interloper in my own Church, a survivor - for how long more? - of the internal schism that eats away at the insides of the Roman Catholic Church.

How predictable it has become that, whenever the Vatican makes some announcement eroding more of its grudging democracy, the media condemns it as an insult to Islam or Judaism. So it was again last weekend when Pope Benedict lifted the post-Vatican II restrictions on the 500-year-old Latin Mass. What about reconciliation with the Jewish community? demanded the global commentariat, with more than a little justification.

But what about Catholics, for Godsake? What about the indomitable faithful sickened by the grievously sinful institutional cover-up of paedophile priests? What about the AIDS-virus carriers who could have been safeguarded by condoms? What about monogamous, loving gays? What about women?

Most 'liberal Catholics' will again bite their tongues rather than criticise this latest genuflection to the fundamentalist clique because, when you are pro-choice you cannot be a bit anti-choice too.

If some people favour a church rite more appropriate to the 16th century, their preference should be accommodated. As the post-Vatican II hippies put it: different strokes for different folks and amen to that.

But this Tridentinist concession is not a simple toss-up between guitars, tambourines and Kumbaya versus the Council of Trent. The pope's own profoundly political psyche puts paid to such simplism.

This is a man who waged a diplomatic offensive to get God into the EU constitution, who condemned record numbers of theologians when he ran the old Inquisition office in Rome, and who denounced feminism for undermining the structures of society.

This is the man who welcomed the illegal joint invader of Iraq, Tony Blair, to the Vatican as a fraternal visitor while threatening politicians in Mexico and Spain with automatic excommunication for legalising abortion and gay marriage.

This is a moral crusader bringing the liberals of the US and Europe to heel by dispensing reprimands and interdicts, as if he is the landlord of Catholicism.

As long as he reigns, women will not be priests. His holy grail of 'family values' is a pre-'60s kitchenscape of woman chained to the sink by her rosary beads. Being treated as second-class citizens is normal life for Catholic women. Being made to cover your arms by the Swiss Guard and having your president denigrated for wearing a flower in her lapel is par for the course. Still, it beats being burned at the stake.

THE past, however, has crept menacingly closer with this Latin Mass announcement. It is a statement about the priorities of the ruling theo-cons in Rome, at a time when a scarcity of clergy is a pressing concern in Europe.

Last Sunday, when the Tridentine news was percolating through, it was announced in a church not a mile from the one where the Latin version is routinely celebrated that evening Masses were being cancelled due to a shortage of priests.

In politics, as Pope Benedict well knows, emphasis is the message. And the destination on the message board reads: The Middle Ages.

Oh my, where to begin?

I STUMBLED upon a Latin Mass last winter. It was grim, joyless, interminable and disquieting.

In my humble opinion. But since I'm a liberal, everything I say is always right.

There was no music.

It's called a Low Mass, Justine. I've never even been to Traditional Mass and even I know this.

Nobody shook hands or brought gifts to the altar.

I was shocked and horrified. No guitars? No three dozen little old ladies in the sanctuary? No clapping?! This was supposed to be a Catholic church?!?

The only fanfare that threatened was the persistent, pedantic locking and unlocking of the little gate in the altar railing.

Clericism!

All the while, the officiating priest droned on, with his chasubled back to the congregation. He was, of course, flexing the dead Latin tongue, but it could as easily have been Aramaic or the lingua franca of Mars, such was his incomprehensible mumbling.
And since I hated it, everyone else should!

It was when I quit trying to eavesdrop that I noticed the disapproving glances...the women over there had their heads covered, mostly with flowing Grace Kelly mantillas, whereas my female head, to the eternal damnation of my soul, was unconcealed.

They were soooo mean! Seriously, she may have a point against giving dirty looks to people who may not know any better, but I suspect her memory blew this about 100x out of proportion to reality.

I did not feel I had been involved in a religious ceremony. I felt excluded, belittled, resented

Emotionally overwrought...

- an interloper in my own Church

Well, you said it, not me.

How predictable it has become that, whenever the Vatican makes some announcement eroding more of its grudging democracy...

Such a shame we can't vote for the Pope. Can't you just see you great it would be if Popes were politicians?

What about reconciliation with the Jewish community? demanded the global commentariat, with more than a little justification.

What about having Abe Foxman tell the Holy See how to run everything?

What about the indomitable faithful sickened by the grievously sinful institutional cover-up of paedophile priests? What about the AIDS-virus carriers who could have been safeguarded by condoms? What about monogamous, loving gays? What about women?

What about MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

...when you are pro-choice you cannot be a bit anti-choice too.

And yet, somehow, they manage to be so.

If some people favour a church rite more appropriate to the 16th century...

But if Justine were suddenly transported back to the 16th century (and hopefully to Spain), she'd hate the Mass then too.

This is a man who waged a diplomatic offensive to get God into the EU constitution
Yes!

who condemned record numbers of theologians when he ran the old Inquisition office in Rome

YES!!!!

and who denounced feminism for undermining the structures of society.

Long live the Pope!!!

This is the man who welcomed the illegal joint invader of Iraq, Tony Blair, to the Vatican as a fraternal visitor while threatening politicians in Mexico and Spain with automatic excommunication for legalising abortion and gay marriage.

This is is a man who wears clothes from the Dark Ages! Do you hear me??? The Dark Ages!

This is a moral crusader bringing the liberals of the US and Europe to heel by dispensing reprimands and interdicts, as if he is the landlord of Catholicism.

As if he were the head of the Catholic Church or something!

As long as he reigns, women will not be priests.

As long as Christ reigns, my feminist pipe dreams will not be realized.

THE past, however, has crept menacingly closer

For the orthodox, the God exists outside of time. For the modernists, the Past is menacing!

...at a time when a scarcity of clergy is a pressing concern in Europe.

I wonder what caused that scarcity...hmmmm......

In politics, as Pope Benedict well knows, emphasis is the message. And the destination on the message board reads: The Middle Ages.

The Dark Ages! Boo!

Well, when we went to the TLM at the Cathedral I couldn't FIND my chapel cap.

I didn't find it until a week later, right where I'd looked before . . . and after I'd ordered a shoulder-length Spanish lace veil for my daughter and for myself (hers is white, mine steel-gray).

But nobody looked at us funny, not even the family of six behind us with the wife and all the little girls in beautiful lace veils . . . in fact, they seemed glad to see us!

And the service was nice -- it was LONG, but that was mostly because the Cathedral was jammed to the rafters and it took the celebrant and his altar boys nearly 40 minutes to administer Communion to everybody who wanted to receive. And before and after there were six priests hearing Confessions non-stop!

P.S. . . . I think kneelers are indicated at the altar rail, that was mighty hard marble! NEXT time, I am wearing my gardening kneepads under my dress!!!!!!

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