Now you are asking good questions. My simple synopsis is that unless you can find love and mercy, you are not on target. Jesus redefines OT verses (Mat 5:38-39). Why? Because the Jews, the people to whom God has revealed Himself, have not interpreted His covenant correctly (Heb 8:7). One does not defeat evil with evil. Instead, He teaches that which goes against our fabric of justice and guts -- to pray for our enemies, for God has inscribed the knowledge of Himself in their hearts as well -- so that they may see the light of God and be saved.
God's love is the same, but those who hate God experience it as wrath. Those who love God experience His love as soothing and lfe-giving; those who hate Him as fires and torture. God is Life, for we exist only because of Him, but those who reject Him surely die. God gives us blessings and opportunities to become Christ-like but if we refuse, which we are free to do, we shall condemn ourselves. Love does not impose itself. God will not "force" us to love Him. God is not the boogie man who wants to tear us to pieces, but a Loving Father Who wants to save us all.
More importantly, the only way we can come to God is through love. The greater our love for God and for humanity, the more Christ-like we become! But very few really love God. Many more fear Him because they know that we are ungrateful to Him all the time. They believe because they figure if they can't beat Him they better join him!Fear is not love. Only those who don't love God (even if they claim they do) fear God. Those who love Him have no fear -- they simply submit to "Thy will be done" knowing that whatever happens will be merciful and just.
God is your friend and Christ taught us that we need to love God with all our hearts and minds and soul, and our neighbors as ourselves (Mat 22:37). Those are his commandments and that is all you need to live by.
I see fear very differently. John the Baptist preached it. To me, fear of the Lord is an appreciation of the greatness of the power of God. Therefore, to understand God better is to fear him more. Next to Him, we are bugs, beloved bugs, but bugs. I see the Biblical use of the concept as a good thing and not inconsistent with love at all.
"I say that those who are suffering in hell, are suffering in being scourged by love. It is totally false to think that the sinners in hell are deprived of God's love. Love is a child of the knowledge of truth, and is unquestionably given commonly to all. But love's power acts in two ways: it torments sinners, while at the same time it delights those who have lived in accord with it." +Isaac the Syrian, Homily 84