RUMOR ON WALLSTREET: Bin Laden Captured

KOH-AM 780 ^ | 8-20-03 | John Sanchez

[Atlas Sneezed]

Our local financial reporter just attributed today's stock market gains to a rumor sweeping Wall Street that Osama Bin Laden has just been captured.

ONLY A RUMOR! (But you heard it here first.)

[AngryJawa]

He is dead. Occam's razor.

Yup. What you said.

[FreeAtlanta]

Starve them enough, and old OBL will start looking like slop served on fine china.

[ASA Vet]

[Conspiracy Guy]

They keep going over and taking a leak on him.

[nana4bush]

This rumor can't be true. Geraldo is on his honeymoon.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Smithereens is tough to film. That is why he and Saddam don't show up.

[RetiredArmy]

I heard a rumor that Osamma, Saddam, Hitler, Tojo, members of Hamas Dead Bombers Society, and the Klintons were meeting to discuss the 04 election bombing strategy.

[OXENinFLA]

lol, don't feed the hogs!

Someone forgot to tell that to these guys.

[Scott from the Left Coast]

What is a real hoot is thinking that a bunch of geeks trading stocks on their computers or on an exchange floor could get that kind of information before anyone else knows about it. Somebody likes tweaking their strings for fun. They're the twitchiest people on earth.

[PianoMan]

ROFL

Blue Horseshoe loves Blue Star Airlines

[j.havenfarm]

What do these pictures of New Yorkers meeting with members of their congressional delegation have to do with Bin Laden?

[rwfromkansas]

The market isn't exactly thrilled with the "news."

[Digger]

Have ya noticed that these rumors always occur when the market is down?

[vetvetdoug]

I wish you wouldn't post pictures of Hillary's doubles.

[canyon]

Actually, I was thinking that I would pop the corn while I was in the shower. (and maybe invite the Viking Kitties over to watch the show....)

Ahhh, multi-tasking!

[NYpeanut]

Hey, I resemble that remark.

[Coop]

When I finally see that raggedy-ass POS star in a new video, then I'll believe that some arm of the US military didn't turn him into fertilizer. If and when I do see it, I'll apologize in a most humble manner. The audio tapes, IMHO, are bogus.

I actually would find it more likely that OBL died from kidney problems than from bombs at Tora Bora. But most of our intel folks firmly believe he's still alive. They have access to much more info than we do, and it simply makes more sense to me that the coward wasn't around Tora Bora when things got ugly.

[theFIRMbss]

>Our local financial reporter just attributed today's stock market gains to a rumor sweeping Wall Street that Osama Bin Laden has just been captured

The rumor I heard
is that Scott McNealy says
he has solid proof

that bin Laden has
been hired by Bill Gates to sell
to the Arab world...

[BluH2o]

This rumor can't be true. Geraldo is on his honeymoon.

Again?

[AngryJawa]

"But most of our intel folks firmly believe he's still alive."

The "tin-foiler" in me thinks thak our spooks are happy to maintain that piece of fiction for a couple of reasons. First, for domestic consumption, it keeps the lefties amongst us from ending the WOT. Second, the continued life, however fictional that life may be, of OBL keeps the rest of AQ from going completely underground. The combination of these two things, plus some luck, make it a whole lot easier to kill and detain more AQ's.

[/tin foil]