ah um oh..ok
Posted on 08/04/2003 12:52:11 PM PDT by GrandMoM
An expert on seniors says grandparents need to know the powerful influence they have on the lives of their grandchildren.
In his new book, The Grandparent Factor (Baxter Press, 2003), author Phil Waldrep looks at the pivotal role grandparents can play in children's lives, and outlines five principles to help grandparents make a difference.
Waldrep says he wants to help people understand that the greatest moral force in the life of most kids today is a grandparent, a fact that his own research authenticates. The author cites one revealing experience when he worked for two weeks with members of a Boys and Girls club.
"Many of these kids were not in church, and I came to realize that they really don't trust their parents -- but they trust their grandparents. And many grandparents do not realize the power that they have to help form the moral character of their grandchildren," Waldrep says.
The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.
According to Waldrep, the study shows how important grandparents can be in giving children a sense of stability and safety. He explains that children often grow up hearing their grandparents' stories of surviving events such as the Korean War, Vietnam, and other historical conflicts and crises, so they turn to their grandparents to hear that things will be alright.
"Mom and Dad may not really communicate, but Grandma and Grandpa -- they have gone through crises before," Waldrep says. And this is what happened in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on 9-11, according to the author. "Elementary kids across America turned to their grandparents to hear them say, 'It's going to be okay. You don't have to worry,'" he says.
Many people might suppose that these findings are obvious -- especially those whose own families have always emphasized the role of grandparents. However, recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted.
Associated Press reports that Michigan's highest court has recently ruled that grandparents have no right to visit their grandchildren if a parent does not want them to. The 6-1 state Supreme Court decision upheld an appeals court ruling that the state law (supporting a grandparent's visitation rights) is unconstitutional. The case involves a dispute between Theresa Seymour and her former mother-in-law, Catherine DeRose, over whether the grandmother could visit with Seymour's daughter.
In 1997 Seymour's ex-husband pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct involving a child -- not his own -- and was sentenced to 12 to 20 years in prison. Seymour filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of their daughter. The wife did not want her husband's mother to have contact with the child, but a judge granted DeRose visitation privileges. However, an appeals court vacated that decision last year, and the Michigan Supreme Court has now upheld that ruling.
Waldrep hopes The Grandparent Factor will communicate to everyone, including grandparents themselves, the importance of their presence and influence in the lives of young people.
Lerch is debating the issue.
btw...are you the nice gramma or the wicked gramma? i forget.
ah um oh..ok
....by the way, I would like to thank you for carrying this post. I had prepare dinner, and afterwards neighbors stoped by so I couldn't get back very often. Thanks again, no wonder people love you so much on this site, your a joy to know!!!
Sounds like you are describing my mother and father in-law. Both of them are too wrapped up in thier own lives that they hardly have time for thier own children let alone my sister in-laws kids.
My parents in-law are divorced. SIL's kids are literally terrified of my FIL (thier maternal grandfather), because they just don't know him (and he's usually drunk). My MIL (thier maternal grandmother) is always "too busy" to do anything with them. She shows up at Christmas and thier birthdays (late) bearing all kinds of designer clothes- like that matters to a 6 year old and makes up for the lack of "grandma" type things she hasn't had time to do. Oh and takes 8,000,000 pictures to show everyone what a great grandmother she is 2 days a year.
We don't have kids yet, but now she is making rumblings like she wants my husband and I to have a baby! Why? So she can ignore another one??? Thankfully, my neice and nephew have thier paternal grandparents who are just great. My nephew and his pop-pop have a fantastic relationship.
Click on your name where you have posted. Then click on "links".
That is where your FR links are. If you want to bookmark a lot of things, then you might consider making folders under "favorites" (for I.E.) on your browser.
If you want to bookmark a lot of things, then you might consider making folders under "favorites" (for I.E.) on your browser.....that's what I have been doing since I couldn't find bookmarks!!!
Oh heck, a long distance Gramma's better than none, right?
:-)
Now accepting applications for Surrogate Grandkids. Any and all welcome.
Thankfully, hubby's grandfather stepped into the role as primary parent (my father-in-law dad died when hubby was still a toddler).
I have his grandfather to thank for helping raise such a fine man, a devoted husband, and a fabulous, nurturing father. Strong, too, to have survived that woman and still looked favorably on marriage.
I rejoice in the fact that my children see very little of my mother-in-law. She cut my husband to the core when she stated about my own two precious toddlers, "What do I need them for? They can't help me." This was her "excuse" when my husband asked why she didn't call to inquire about the kids every once in a while (as in not one phone call in 3 years - but there was hell to pay if he didn't call her religiously).
Even before they were born, she was quite emphatic that we should never expect her to babysit; she didn't want our future children over to her house until they learned not to make too much noise, etc. We are quiet, conservative people by nature, but she was confident that playing babies would rattle her nerves.
By the time my children arrived, we had moved to the other side of the country; but even if we hadn't, I certainly would not have asked.
I have the deepest sympathies for my sister-in-law, who is getting married shortly and hopes to start a family of her own.
I am sorry that my children are missing a relationship with my own parents, but they will know how she burns up the phone lines wanting details about them, sends packages like crazy, gifts and cards and love from across the miles. She almost cried when my son said, "Hi Grandma," for the first time of the phone, and spoiled my babies thoroughly when we spent several days with them over the winter.
If I could be just a 1/10th as good a mother to my children as my own mother was to me, my kids will have a great start in life.
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