Posted on 08/04/2003 12:52:11 PM PDT by GrandMoM
An expert on seniors says grandparents need to know the powerful influence they have on the lives of their grandchildren.
In his new book, The Grandparent Factor (Baxter Press, 2003), author Phil Waldrep looks at the pivotal role grandparents can play in children's lives, and outlines five principles to help grandparents make a difference.
Waldrep says he wants to help people understand that the greatest moral force in the life of most kids today is a grandparent, a fact that his own research authenticates. The author cites one revealing experience when he worked for two weeks with members of a Boys and Girls club.
"Many of these kids were not in church, and I came to realize that they really don't trust their parents -- but they trust their grandparents. And many grandparents do not realize the power that they have to help form the moral character of their grandchildren," Waldrep says.
The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.
According to Waldrep, the study shows how important grandparents can be in giving children a sense of stability and safety. He explains that children often grow up hearing their grandparents' stories of surviving events such as the Korean War, Vietnam, and other historical conflicts and crises, so they turn to their grandparents to hear that things will be alright.
"Mom and Dad may not really communicate, but Grandma and Grandpa -- they have gone through crises before," Waldrep says. And this is what happened in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on 9-11, according to the author. "Elementary kids across America turned to their grandparents to hear them say, 'It's going to be okay. You don't have to worry,'" he says.
Many people might suppose that these findings are obvious -- especially those whose own families have always emphasized the role of grandparents. However, recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted.
Associated Press reports that Michigan's highest court has recently ruled that grandparents have no right to visit their grandchildren if a parent does not want them to. The 6-1 state Supreme Court decision upheld an appeals court ruling that the state law (supporting a grandparent's visitation rights) is unconstitutional. The case involves a dispute between Theresa Seymour and her former mother-in-law, Catherine DeRose, over whether the grandmother could visit with Seymour's daughter.
In 1997 Seymour's ex-husband pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct involving a child -- not his own -- and was sentenced to 12 to 20 years in prison. Seymour filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of their daughter. The wife did not want her husband's mother to have contact with the child, but a judge granted DeRose visitation privileges. However, an appeals court vacated that decision last year, and the Michigan Supreme Court has now upheld that ruling.
Waldrep hopes The Grandparent Factor will communicate to everyone, including grandparents themselves, the importance of their presence and influence in the lives of young people.
My biological maternal grandmother died when my mother was 4. My grandfather remarried right away to the woman I considered my grandmother- in fact, for much of my life I thought she was my mother's real mother. When I found out otherwise it didn't affect how I felt about her but I do often wish I could have known my real maternal grandmother. I must say, though, that neither of them meant as much as my paternal grandmother or both of my grandfathers.
All of them are gone now, but I feel very fortunate to have had them all.
My 4 yr. old grandaughter was staying overnight recently and was sitting on my bed. I took off my glassed to put my nightgown on and she looked at me and had a strange look on her face. She finally said "Are you the real grandma?"
lol ...she isn't used to seeing me without glasses.
I HELPED my grandmother wring more than one chicken's neck. Also worked endless hours of unpaid garden drudgery for her as a teenager, helped my granddad break horses and build roads, etc. I barely tolerated it then, but they are some of my favorite memories now. How I miss them...
-ccm
Jim-Rob Thank you SO much for 'putting back' the ability to easily see each FReepers 'sign-up' date!!
... how sad, she doesn't know what she is missing! Hopefully, their is someome else who can play the role in your childrens life.
My mother has four daughters and five grandchildren. When my eldest sister was pregnant my mother announced that she would not babysit and be the typical grama so don't ask. We didn't. She lives her life for herself. Always has. Her love has always been conditional. She now wonders why her grandchildren aren't close to her. My daughter is the youngest grand child at 13. So sad.
My husband's mother is a sweetie pie Grama. While she lives 7 hours away and has debilitating physical challenges (due to age), she never misses an opportunity to know what's going on in her grandchildren's lives. There's a giggle, compliment, encouragement and praise...always.
We don't have family living near us so we've added family type relationships where we are. Two doors down are the sweetest couple who have taken on a mild grandparenting role for our daughter. She loves these folks and visits them often..so nice to have them in our neighborhood. :o)
I know for certain I'll never be like my mother..in mothering or grandparenting. I look forward to the day my daughter will marry and begin a family!
There's a cute saying I heard: "If I knew how much fun grandchildren were going to be, I'd have had them first!"
That HAD to be written by a Grandparent.
How's the floor going, btw????????
the floor?!
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