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Women are more likely to cheat than men, finds report.
divorce magazine.com ^ | 3/16/03 | ?

Posted on 03/18/2003 12:17:19 PM PST by freepatriot32

Women are more likely to cheat on their men to gain sexual satisfaction because of their growing assertiveness and their equality in the workplace, say marriage counselors. Cheating husbands, in contrast, are increasingly looking for emotional fulfillment and may actually mean it when they tell their secretaries that their wives don't understand them.

This reversal of traditional roles is detailed by the American author Shirley Glass in a new book, Not Just Friends. She blames the growing trend of illicit sexual adventures among married women for America's 50% divorce rate. "When a woman has an affair, she is more likely to leave her husband because she is already detached from him," she says.

Hollywood sweetheart Meg Ryan, who left husband Dennis Quaid after a fling with Russell Crowe, followed this pattern. After years of supporting Quaid in his battle against alcohol and drugs, Ryan insisted, "My marriage was broken. Nobody else broke it up."

Christine Northam, a counselor with the marriage advice charity Relate, said of the trend, "When you get people in front of you today and you ask why, they will say, 'It was the amazing sex.' That is as it has ever been, but women are now more able to say it was the sex. Previously they would say something like, 'I needed support.'"

Richard Scase, a professor at Kent University in England and a social trends expert, said he was not surprised at Glass' findings. "Women are taking on the traditional male psychology, and men are finding they are not getting the emotional attention from female partners which they used to get," he said. "Men are therefore looking outside the relationship for someone in whom they can confide, be honest with, and be authentic to."

America's divorce rate has quadrupled since 1970, yet Americans remain faithful to the spirit if not the letter of their wedding vows. For 30 years, 96% of Americans have said they want to be married, and 81% of separated or divorced partners say they believe marriage should be for life.

Despite this, Glass notes, "There's a whole generation of women with premarital experience who are much less inhibited about being with somebody other than their husband." She concluded that 25% of wives and 44% of husbands have had affairs.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a New York marriage counselor, said, "We're seeing the pendulum swing. Men used to behave like jocks -- macho men who were only interested in sex -- but now women are behaving the same way."

Anne Wilson (not her real name), 39, a New Yorker, is receiving help to rescue her marriage after a two-month fling. "I really have nothing to complain about. I've been married for 15 years to a lovely Englishman who cares for me, and I have a wonderful apartment and a beautiful car," Wilson said. After the novelty of marriage and motherhood wore off, she felt her home life had become humdrum: "I wanted to have a sparkle in my eyes again. Sex was a high, a rush. It was fantastic while it lasted. He was charismatic and made me laugh. I didn't have to do his laundry or put his toilet seat down."

Weil believes men are not as forgiving as women. "A woman knows that if she has an affair, it's often the end of a marriage. However, the trend for men to look for love and intimacy outside the home is just as dangerous," she said. "When men reach their 30s and 40s, they feel they've had enough stress and work in their lives. They know life is short and if they don't feel happy or 'in love', they want to reach for an emotional link."

That bond is most easily attainable at work, where colleagues often have more in common with each other than with their spouses. Glass' survey revealed that 62% of unfaithful husbands and 46% of unfaithful wives had affairs at work. "The traditional affair involved a man in a position of power who was attracted to a subordinate. Sometimes these relations became love affairs, but frequently, men were just looking for a bit of variety," she said. "Now that women and men are working as equals, the relationship begins with respect, and friendship can cross the line into emotional intimacy."


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; Front Page News; News/Current Events; Philosophy; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: are; cheat; finds; libertarians; likely; men; more; report; than; to; women
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1 posted on 03/18/2003 12:17:21 PM PST by freepatriot32
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To: freepatriot32
An appropriate piece coming from "Divorce Magazine". LOL
4 posted on 03/18/2003 12:21:56 PM PST by Search4Truth (When a man lies, he murders part of the world.)
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To: freepatriot32
...because of their growing assertiveness and their equality in the workplace, say marriage counselors...

And if true, here I was thinking that it would be due to a lack of morals. Silly me.

5 posted on 03/18/2003 12:22:06 PM PST by mewzilla
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To: freepatriot32
Title: Women are more likely to cheat than men, finds report.

In body of article: She concluded that 25% of wives and 44% of husbands have had affairs."

Does not compute. Does not compute.

6 posted on 03/18/2003 12:24:45 PM PST by Lorianne
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To: freepatriot32
I think cheating is pretty much gender neutral. Women are probably cheating more now than before due to increased opportunities and temptation in the workplace than they would have had at home saddled with children.

One very telling observation I did read about some time ago was that cheating women were exponentially more apt to literally "cheat" during ovulation.

Scary.
7 posted on 03/18/2003 12:24:55 PM PST by wardaddy
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To: madg
That stat seems pretty high.

I wonder what the difference is between FR and DU cheat statistics (ie are conservatives just as likely to cheat as liberals)?

8 posted on 03/18/2003 12:26:06 PM PST by Sirloin
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To: Hobey Baker
Knowing that my wife will kill me if I stray makes life so much simpler.

LOL same here. Plus I love her like crazy.

9 posted on 03/18/2003 12:26:26 PM PST by freedomlover
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To: freepatriot32
"46% of unfaithful wives had affairs at work" .

Where do they work? Are any of them good looking or are these a bunch of democrap haints?
10 posted on 03/18/2003 12:27:02 PM PST by Conspiracy Guy (RW&B)
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To: freepatriot32
I didn't have to do his laundry or put his toilet seat down.

Does this mean that her lover put the toilet seat down? Squatted to pee? Or does it mean their trysts occurred where there were either no bathrooms or separate bathrooms?

11 posted on 03/18/2003 12:27:35 PM PST by gg188
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To: freepatriot32
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a New York marriage counselor, said, "We're seeing the pendulum swing. Men used to behave like jocks -- macho men who were only interested in sex -- but now women are behaving the same way."

I thought the liberation of women was to result in improvements in life quality and raise them to a higher level. Instead they are behaving like the sexist, chauvinistic pigs that they claim to be better than.

Maybe this is 'regression therapy'?

Life can indeed be confusing.

12 posted on 03/18/2003 12:28:39 PM PST by Michael.SF. (A nod is as good as a wink, to a blind horse.)
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To: wardaddy
I did read about some time ago was that cheating women were exponentially more apt to literally "cheat" during ovulation.

Do you recall where you read this? I would love to read that one. That would seem to agree with nature...ladies? Is that right?

13 posted on 03/18/2003 12:29:49 PM PST by gg188
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To: Flurry
46% of women had affairs at work WITH the 46% of men who had affairs at work.
14 posted on 03/18/2003 12:30:21 PM PST by Sacajaweau (Hillary: Constitutional Scholar! NOT)
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To: Sacajaweau
I don't get Divorce Magazine.
15 posted on 03/18/2003 12:31:47 PM PST by Conspiracy Guy (RW&B)
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To: wardaddy
I think cheating is pretty much gender neutral.

Agreed. I think this article is more about current statistics than who does what more. After all, you have to find someone to cheat with.

16 posted on 03/18/2003 12:32:01 PM PST by Skwidd (Fire Controlman First Class Extraordinaire)
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To: gg188
"Does this mean that her lover put the toilet seat down? Squatted to pee? Or does it mean their trysts occurred where there were either no bathrooms or separate bathrooms?"

I think it means that these people are amazingly shallow and without conscience.

17 posted on 03/18/2003 12:33:34 PM PST by Sam's Army
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To: Hobey Baker
Knowing that my wife will kill me if I stray makes life so much simpler.

I should be so lucky.

18 posted on 03/18/2003 12:33:39 PM PST by VRWC_minion (Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and most are right)
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To: freepatriot32
Gee, no one ever says the obvious.

Love is an active verb - an action one takes decisively and forcefully, NOT a "feeling". A person wills love, instead of sitting around wondering where it is.

Faithfulness in a marriage is a by product of that active Love. It takes responsibility, care, pro-activeness and yes self-sacrifice.

The problem in the world today is that if one cannot have it your way, immediately, than all options are open. It is a life of selfishness and moral bankruptcy.

Although not all unfaithfulness meets this harsh condemnation, much of what goes on is a "I want it now" mentality.
19 posted on 03/18/2003 12:34:37 PM PST by txzman (Jer 23:29)
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To: Hobey Baker
They say infidelity can make your marriage stronger.

If I cheated and Mrs. Fierro found out about it, she'd get stronger, all right. She'd tear my head off. <|:)~

20 posted on 03/18/2003 12:37:42 PM PST by martin_fierro (FRUCK FANCE!)
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