Human Shield Survival Guide

The Washington Dispatch ^ | 2/24/03 | Bob Parks

[MetalHeadConservative35]

A comprehensive instructional aid which will help the volunteer "Human Shield" avoid unpleasantries associated with incoming ordnance, toxic gases, chemicals, viruses, and possible radiological exposure

american or iraqi(all my money is on iraqi weapons if they didnt have WMD then why they being aided to avoid this)

[Abcdefg]

It is not intended that they survive.

[dead]

1. Bring with you a cellular telephone so you may stay in contact with family members, an attorney, and the United States Consulate;

Great advice, provided your New England cellular carrier has thoughtfully installed some cellphone towers nearby an Iraqi power plant in the middle of the desert.

Genius abounds.

[Eala]

LOL. Thanks for this!

[dead]

D'uh. It's parody. But it really reads like the crap I've seen on leftists sites, particularly the ones that give tips on how to demonstrate effectively against globalization while visiting Europe.

[Adder]

2. DUCK!!!

[The Great RJ]

Instructions for human shields

When the war begins:

• Remove glasses and loose materials from pockets
• Stand away from windows and buildings
• When you see the blinding flash, place head between knees and kiss your ass goodbye

[UncleSamUSA]

Human Shield Survival Guide - Iraq 2003

1. When you see US fighter jets or attack helicopters approaching your position, jump up and down, wave your arms and shout real loud "HERE WE ARE.. HERE WE ARE.."

2. When Iraqi defense forces detonate VX nerve gas-filled artillery shells in your area in order to deter the US invasion force, remember to breath in DEEPLY several times and remain calm. It is quite possible you may feel very sleepy, but don't worry that is normal.

3. When the Iraqi Secret Intelligence service attaches electrodes to your testicles and turns on the electricity in an attempt to prove that US invasion forces are abusing you, you are to scream with delight and shout "Thank you sir, may I have another!"

4. Abstain from all food and medicines as these are intended for the loyal Iraqi Republican Guards who are defending Saddam's gold plated, ivory-encrusted, multi-million dollar Presidential Palaces. Food is overrated anyway.

5. Take a tour of Iraqi prison facilities and inspect the facilities for interrogation and detention. After the war is over, these will be your new homes for an indefinite duration. Enjoy your stay!

[MetalHeadConservative35]

agreed,i dont like the idea that there gonna die,i dont wish death upon any americans(clinton not included cause i refuse to call him such)but these human shields have no idea that there efforts are worthless they should be told right up that if there in the way...they will not survive

[Havoc]

1) Take multiple dictionaries and study so that when the time comes, you'll know how to spell treason even if the meaning of the word doesn't penetrate. Might impress the coming tribunal.. nah.

[Paraclete]

All kidding aside, some of these folks are in for a real rude awakening. Problem is, it'll be too late.

[NonValueAdded]

Don't forget the SPF 5,000,000 sun block for when Uncle Saddam decides if he can't have it, no one can.

[Paleo Conservative]

Even if the "human" shields survive the war, how are they going to leave Iraq afterwards? If I were in charge of the Iraqi government after the liberation of Iraq, I would have them arrested and put on trial. I'm sure a jury of recently liberated Iraqi citizens would vote to convict these scum. One really big advantage is that they could be held as prisoners outside the jurisdiction of the US Constitution.

[prairiebreeze]

A rude awakening? "Stupid is as stupid does."----Forrest Gump

[Pharmboy]

Loved it!! Brilliant!

[FreedomPoster]

These idiots are living this cartoon:

[Terriergal]

I thought their very presence was supposed to deter those things? Human shields... what a bunch of hooey.

[Blood of Tyrants]

And hope that the U.S. doesn't jam them or bomb the towers that do exist.

[Terriergal]

lol!