[MetalHeadConservative35]

A comprehensive instructional aid which will help the volunteer "Human Shield" avoid unpleasantries associated with incoming ordnance, toxic gases, chemicals, viruses, and possible radiological exposure

american or iraqi(all my money is on iraqi weapons if they didnt have WMD then why they being aided to avoid this)

[dead]

1. Bring with you a cellular telephone so you may stay in contact with family members, an attorney, and the United States Consulate;

Great advice, provided your New England cellular carrier has thoughtfully installed some cellphone towers nearby an Iraqi power plant in the middle of the desert.

Genius abounds.

[Eala]

LOL. Thanks for this!

[The Great RJ]

Instructions for human shields

When the war begins:

• Remove glasses and loose materials from pockets
• Stand away from windows and buildings
• When you see the blinding flash, place head between knees and kiss your ass goodbye

[Havoc]

1) Take multiple dictionaries and study so that when the time comes, you'll know how to spell treason even if the meaning of the word doesn't penetrate. Might impress the coming tribunal.. nah.

[Paraclete]

All kidding aside, some of these folks are in for a real rude awakening. Problem is, it'll be too late.

[NonValueAdded]

Don't forget the SPF 5,000,000 sun block for when Uncle Saddam decides if he can't have it, no one can.

[Paleo Conservative]

Even if the "human" shields survive the war, how are they going to leave Iraq afterwards? If I were in charge of the Iraqi government after the liberation of Iraq, I would have them arrested and put on trial. I'm sure a jury of recently liberated Iraqi citizens would vote to convict these scum. One really big advantage is that they could be held as prisoners outside the jurisdiction of the US Constitution.

[Pharmboy]

Loved it!! Brilliant!

[FreedomPoster]

These idiots are living this cartoon:

[Terriergal]

I thought their very presence was supposed to deter those things? Human shields... what a bunch of hooey.

[Consort]

Human Shield Disclaimer:

Dead Human Shields will be referred to as organic debris and will not be categorized as collateral damage.

[OldCorps]

can you imagine the orders given to US soldiers going into a firefight in Bagdhad?

If you come under fire, please try to avoid civilian casulties when returning fire. Especially avoid the dingy looking american shields with pasty white skin, dirty hair, wearing blue jeans and a t shirt with a three ring target on their back. They will not have bathed in a month and will be waving placards at you and screaming slogans like "No Nukes" and "No justice no peace" and No war for big oil" etc. You are not authorized to engage these unarmed civilians, even though you might think they are traitors and are a risk to your life. After all, even though they think you are a fasciest tool of the ruling class, they are your moral superiors!

Yea, Right!

[redheadtoo]

Station yourself as a "shield" at an orphanage or other non-military target. This allows you to play hero while not actually putting your ass in any real danger.

Ignore the fact that the United States Military would never deliberately bomb civilians targets but that Saddam has gassed 100 thousand of his own Iraqi citizens. This allows you to compare George Bush to Hitler and call Americans Nazis.

Finally don't deny yourself the comforts of home. Your fellow shields, stationed at a water purification plant, have brought along their plasma TV. This allows you to forget that you could never afford such luxury at home because you're to busy protesting to actually hold down a job.

[Billthedrill]

I've decided to do my part as a human shield. Should those militarist nazis decide to target McCorry's Bar and Grill, they're gonna have BtD to deal with. It's gonna require some long hours, but no sacrifice is too great in the cause of peace...

[Utah Girl]

Great post! I'm still laughing.