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"One Sleazy Rider"
(To be sung to Charlie Daniels Band's "Uneasy Rider")

Bill was takin' a trip back to A-R-K,
Toolin' along in his Cabriolet,
Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio.
Just as he crossed that ol' Virginny line,
He heard that highway start to whine,
And he knew that left rear tire was about to go!
Well, the spare was flat and he got uptight,
Becuz there wasn't a fillin' station in sight,
So he just limped on down the shoulder on the rim.
He went as far as he could and when he stopped the car...
It was right in front of my little bar,
Kind of a pool-hall-lookin' joint called "The libertarian".

Well, Slick stuffed his hair up under his hat,
And arrogantly announced that he had a flat,
And would I accept some weed in exchange for a new one?
Well, there was one thing I was sure glad to see,
Wasn't a soul in the place 'cept fer him and me,
And he looked so disgustin', I just pointed towards the telephone.
He called up dead's station down the road aways,
And dead said he wasn't very busy today,
And he could be there in about ten minutes or so.
Slick said, "My names Bill the New DemocRAT!!"
And I didn't bother to tell the durn fool that
I sure as Hell don't care fer Left-wing politicos.

He just ordered up a spritzer and sat down at my bar,
When some guy walks in and says, "Who owns this car...
With the peace sign, freak wheels, and astroturf floor?"
Well, we looked at Bill and he damned near cried,
And decided that he'd just wait outside,
So he laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door.
Just when he thought he'd get outta there with his skin,
These five REAL MEN come strollin' in,
With this Angelique chick and a young fella named Gingrich!!
And he was almost to the door when stand watie said,
"You tip your hat to this lady, son!"
But when he did all that hair fell out from underneath.

Now the last thing Bill wanted was to get in a fight,
Anywhere, anytime, as he quivered in fright,
'Specially since he's a yella punk and fightin' made him pee!
But they all started laughin' and he felt kinda sick,
And he knew he better think of something pretty quick,
So he just reached out and kicked Newt Gingrich right in the knee!!
Newt let out a yell that'd curl your hair,
But before Slick could move, I grabbed me a chair...
And said, "Watch him folks, becuz he's a thoroughly dangerous man!
Well, you may not know it, but this man's a spy,
He's a Soviet mole and awfully sly,
And he's been sent down here to denigrate ol' Uncle Sam!"

Newt was still bent over holdin' onto his knee,
But all them FReepers wuz lookin' and listenin' to me,
And I told how Bill was drafted and never ever went!
I said, "Would you believe that this man has gone so far...
As puttin' Stalin stickers on the bumpers of cars,
And he voted for George McGovern for President!!
Well, he's one of them long-haired, pretty-boy Left-wing nags,
I betcha he's even got a Commie flag,
Tacked up on his wall! To him, FReedom's just a mirage!
He's a snake in the grass, I'll tell ya guys,
He make look dumb, but that's just a disguise,
'Cuz he's a mastermind in the ways of espionage!"
They all started lookin' real suspicious at Billy,
And he jumped up and said, "Now wait a minute, Sillies,
You know he's lyin', I been Conservative all of my life!
SO WHAT if I left my Country in a lurch?
I belong to the Little Rock Baptist Church,
Oh sure, I sleep with a lotta broads, but so'd you once you met my wife!"
Then Bill started whinin' 'bout the way he was stressed,
But I didn't wait for him to explain the rest,
I held off dirtboy while bouncin' Billy outta there on his butt!
And when he hit the ground he didn't relax...
'Cuz they was just takin' his car down off the jacks...
So he threw ol' dead a dime bag and fired that muthah up!!
Ol' Oprah Winfrey woulda sure got HOT...
At the way Bill was fussin' as he left my lot,
With AuntB hollerin' and chasin' him in a trot!
Now, lookin' back I shoulda let 'em have their fun,
Reckon that's I'm "The Compassionate One",
But I did join all them FReepers fer many a Tequila shot!!

Well, since that day, o'er twenty years had past,
When I realized ol' Bill's still smokin' that grass.
He was doin' the Sting as few men can...Hell! He even cut his hair!
Folks, he's had ya'll slavin' while he's spendin' and taxin',
As if Bill was our King and all loot's his for the cashin'...
Then Bill figured he oughtta split before the LAW got there.
'Cuz in his campaigns, he was caught dirty-dealin',
Influence sellin' and bimbos a'squeelin'...
But he didn't RESIGN 'til he was RE-IMPEACHED by Congress!
Folks, I think we're gonna rewrite Bill's script,
Instead of goin' workin' for that DreamWorks/Lippo Clique,
Let's sentence Bill to Leavenworth, post-President!!

LOL and FReegards...MUD

96 Posted on 09/29/2000 08:29:51 PDT by Mudboy Slim

I haven't been ignoring everyone- a lightning storm crashed my ISP Saturday, and I'm just now back online...

!!!

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