Joke is on you, Jacqass

The Sun (U.K.) ^ | 02/12/03

[Pokey78]

JACQUES Chirac thinks Saddam is harmless.

If that loony view wasn’t dangerous, it would be funny.

For a real laugh, here are our Top 10 French gags.

1. How many gears in a French tank? Six, five reverse and one forward in case they are attacked from behind.

2. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.

3. How do you stop a French tank? Shoot the guy pushing.

4. How did the French advertise surplus World War II rifles? “Never fired, only dropped once.”

5. Why might the French send troops to the Gulf? To teach the Iraqis how to surrender.

6. A Frenchwoman is in a bar with a parrot. The barman says: “That’s an ugly bird. Where did you get it?” The parrot says: “France, there’s millions of ’em!”

7. Why do Frenchmen have moustaches? To look like their mothers.

8. A Frenchman was banned from practising medicine for having sex with his patients. It was a shame — he was the best vet in town.

9. What is a Frenchman with a sheep and a goat under each arm? Bisexual.

10. Why does the new French Navy use glass-bottomed boats? To miss the old French Navy.

Let’s have your laughs at the French. Send them to French Jokes, The Sun, 1 Virginia Street, London E1 9BD, fax 020 7782 4063, or email letters@the-sun.co.uk.

[Mark Felton]

The Sun is the number 1 most read paper in the UK (at least it used to be).

[Thane_Banquo]

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend France?

No one knows!

[speekinout]

The Brits have always hated the French and the Germans. The French hate the Brits and the Germans (so what is this really about?). And the Germans hate the Brits and the French (so what is this really about?)
What it's all about is probably profitable deals with Saddam. Money trumps national identity.

[lainie]

Q: Where do you find 60 million french jokes?
A: In France.

Why did they add red and blue?

[spitz]

Sad (blue) commies (red).

[McGavin999]

Probably one of the best ways to bring the British people on board for a war with Iraq is to have both France and Germany against it. The British people will be outraged at the lack of honor displayed by the insignificant three in voting against the defense of a fellow NATO member.

[Charlotte Corday]

Letterman the other night had a line to the effect that:

"The last time France waited until it was convinced of the "evidence" - the evidence came speeding into Paris with a swastika painted on the side."

[Balata]

[oyez]

10. Pourquoi la nouvelle marine française utilise-t-elle les bateaux verre-basés? Pour inspecter la vieille marine française, oui? Excusez-moi capitaine, notre bateau a couru à flot

[timestax]

ha ha ha, good ones!

[lainie]

[GallopingGhost]

If any watches Futurama, the "A Clone of My Own" episode was on tonight. In it Professor Farnsworth is showing his young clone "Cubert" some of his inventions, which offers the following dialog:

Prof.: That's my price-winning Smelloscope. If a dog craps anywhere in the universe, you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my Universal Translator. Unfortunately, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.

Cubert (into microphone): Hello.

Universal Translator: Bonjour.

Prof.: Crazy gibberish!

[lorrainer]

10.Why the new French navy use does the boats glass-based? To inspect the old French navy, yes? Excuse to me captain, our boat ran to flood.

[Treebeard]

What the hell kind of a country expects to be taken seriously when their leader is a cartoon character, ie. Blacque Jacques Shellac?

[ovrtaxt]

LOL! That's my favorite Bugs Bunny flick!!

[PetroniDE]

France has the "Surrender Monkey"
The United States has the "Rally Monkey".

Big Difference.

[timestax]

bttt