Posted on 02/03/2003 6:13:20 PM PST by softengine
A recent story floating around the variety section of a newspaper I still read occasionally reminded me of a conversation I had with a college girlfriend about six months ago. She's a pretty woman – slender, petite, well-educated and intelligent. She has an excellent, high-paying job and even owns her own house.
She is, in short, the epitome of feminist success. And yet, she is profoundly disappointed with her life. She has, in her own words, continued to stumble upwards while somehow missing out on the only thing she truly wanted – a husband and a family.
Nor is she alone, in anecdotal or statistical terms. Not only do the majority of women who were in our college social circle remain unmarried, but according Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman," a 30-something woman is three times more likely to be unmarried than her 1970's counterpart. While some might argue that this is a good thing, most demographics experts would disagree, as would, it appears, an awful lot of those 30-something single women.
While Whitehead correctly identifies the general problem, she is as clueless as the next feminist as to how to go about solving it. Instead of recommending that individuals change the one thing within their power – namely, their behavior – she advocates altering the entire system of courtship. Given this typically fascistic feminist approach, I am, of course, shocked that her six 30-something daughters and nieces all remain available.
But, as I told my friend, the root of the problem is that the kind of man she wants is precisely the man who is smart enough to stay away from her. Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men. Furthermore, the smarter a man is, the more he is likely to realize that being romantically involved with an intelligent, educated, upper-middle-class American woman steeped in 20 years of feminist indoctrination is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt.
Consider the premarital professions of the women in my social circle, all of whom are now stay-at-home moms happily married to intelligent, successful men: Farmgirl. Nanny. Teacher. Office manager. Nanny. Pipeline worker. Professional student. Church volunteer. That's eight quality men who won't be marrying a high-powered career girl right there.
The advice I gave my friend was succinct: In any given dating situation, think about what your instincts are telling you – then do the opposite. It's like football … if the run is getting stuffed, then throw the darn ball.
So, in the unlikely event there happens to be a 30-something single woman reading this, here are a few pointers which might be helpful while you wait for Ms. Dafoe Whitehead and company to change the dating culture:
1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege.
2. Your family has to put up with you. For everyone else, it's optional.
3. Southern belles always get what they want. Watch and learn, grasshopper.
4. Sex as an incentive is fair enough. Using its deprivation as a punishment will backfire hideously.
5. Mocking your man in public creates a no-win situation. He can either slice and dice you verbally, which is no fun for you, or keep his mouth shut and look like an idiot. In the case of the latter, it doesn't mean that you've won, or that he's forgotten.
6. Men love happy women. Act happy and you may discover how to be happy.
7. If there's a doubt, choose the most optimistic interpretation. That's what he meant.
8. Honey, honey, honey – a thousand times honey. Never vinegar.
9. Conflict is not passion. It isn't any fun, either.
10. Limit yourself to five complaints and demands a day. If you're not counting, you're over the limit.
11. If no one ever taught you the traditional arts, find an older woman to be your mentor.
12. Your feelings and objectively verifiable facts may be different. Learn to distinguish between them.
Now, I'm not saying that applying these principles to your dating scene will turn frogs into princes or anything, but they will get you in the game. And if all else fails, just tell your next first date that you're thinking of quitting your job and returning to your former career as an aerobics instructor. He'll be intrigued, trust me.
Looks like somebody ought to start a Freeper dating service. Potential questions:
Do you not smoke?
Do you hate Clinton?
Do you own a gun?
Do you prefer an SUV?
Do you listen to talk radio while you are freeping?
Does the thought of a democratic-controlled anything make you want to put your fist through a wall?
Yeah, that ought to do it.
The only eels she'll find in Lake Michigan are lampreys, and those parasites deserve to be chopped into tiny bits.
And you are spot on about the best friend part. Ideally, I'd love to meet a guy and we'd start out as friends. Anything after that is icing on the cake.
Well, he'll get the Lions to the playoffs in a year or two. But I don't know if he can take them further - he lacks the killer instinct of a John Gruden. I liked him here, but I'm not all that sorry the Niners let him go. His conservative play-calling blew a number of big leads over the last two years.
Actually, that's about enough right there!
This is the best advice all, for all aspects of life. I finally figured this one out when I was in my 30's, and lo and behold, met and married Mr. Rollee, who is absolutely wonderful.
Most definately, but not for the reasons you think. Smart women will admit to falibility in principle, but try getting one to admit to it by specific example.
Except for all the other ways, which are worse.
Here in Michigan, he will be respected- because he's a homeboy- and the fans will love him. The Lions just need a shot of life into the organization. And Steve Mariucci will be that shot.
TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN!!! I would also add that how he treats children, old people and animals are a good indicator of character.
It sounds like you know why. So why don't you change it? You can still let them know, but you don't have to make it the first thing.
"Hi. What's your name? Are you single?"
"I don't believe in premarital kissing! Contraceptives are of the devil! I have lots of ceramic Jesuses!"
I took some liberties, but that's how it can be (and is, from the sounds of it) perceived. That can scare off even a Christian man who wants the same thing you do.
I also am not interested in dating, I want to get married
Maybe I don't get something, but that strikes me as equivalent to saying you don't like to travel, you'd just like to arrive. A perfectly reasonable opinion, but you really can't expect to arrive unless you put up with travelling first.
I detect an attitude.
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