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Politically Correct Terms For Females

* She does not get PMS; She becomes HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL
* she does not have a killer body; She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE
* she is not a bad cook; She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
* she is not a bad driver; She is AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED
* she is not a perfect 10; She is NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR
* she is not easy; She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
* she does not hate sports on TV; She is ATHLETICALLY BIASED
* she does not have sexy lips; She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT
* she does not get drunk; She is ACCIDENTALLY OVER SERVED
* You do not ask her to dance;
You request a PRECOITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE
* she is not a gossip; She is a VERBAL TERMINATOR
* she does not work out too much; She is an ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER
* she does not have a great butt; She has GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS
* she is not hooked on soap operas; She is MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED
* she is not cold or frigid; She is THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE
* she does not wear too much makeup; She is COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED
* she does not have a great rack; Her breasts are CENTRALLY LOCATED
* she will never gain weight she will become a metabolic underachiever
* She is not a screamer or moaner; She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
* She does not shave her legs;
She experiences TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION
* She does not have a hard body; She is ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE
* She does not sun bathe; she experiences SOLAR ENHANCEMENT
* Her breasts will never sag; they will LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD
* She does not shop too much;
She is OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS
* She does not cut you off; She becomes HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE
* She does not have big hair; she is OVERLY AEROSOLED
* She does not snore; She is NASALLY REPETITIVE
* She does not get drunk; She becomes VERBALLY DYSLEXIC
* She does not have big hooters; Her cups RUNNETH OVER
* She is not too skinny; She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT

A Woman's Facts About Men

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is
involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a
world where there are more women than men, it pays to
recycle.

4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident
that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he
concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he
coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really
in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them
feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the
morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with
one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaners.
These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our
relationship." These seven words strike fear in the
heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has
built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it
personally.

11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits.
Women have two types: depressing and more depressing.
Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If
your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next
to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men.
I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm
so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man
wearing a black tuxedo."

14. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is
usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches
from the door.

15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad
contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

16. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr.
Right," and if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c)
visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The
cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and
butterflies.

17. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary
Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

18. When four or more men get together, they talk
about sports.

19. When four or more women get together, they talk
about men.

20. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has
ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

21. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I
emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are
outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

22. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he
didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die.
He just didn't want to call you.

23. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a
problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again"
might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a
man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you...
I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

24. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they
grow up identifying with Barbie.

25. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With
female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male
menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

26. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

27. That's why men need instant replays in sports.
They've already forgotten what happened.

Woman Author Unknown