Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[reg45]

Did they have a friend named Pippen?

Only if he was short!

[reg45]

When I was in grammar school, there were several boys named "Adolf" or "Adolph", which today strikes me as unusual. They would have been born in the early 60's, and their parents would have been alive during WWII.

They could be named after an ancestor.

[Erasmus]

If you're gonna name a kid after an Indian tribe, I kinda like 'Hopi' or 'Ute' or 'Flat Head'.

And for a lot of kids these days, Nez Percé.

[FreedomCalls]

Or Adolph Menjou, a famous leading man of the silent film era. Their parents would have been young adults at the time he was famous in the movies.

[maro]

I suspect that the popularity of names has a lot to do with television, whether the influence is conscious or subconscious. (I bet you that Monica and Ross and Rachel are more popular of late than they have been for years.) The popularity of last names as first names is probably due to the supposition that rich people have three last names as their handle, each representing some moneyed forebear with a WASPy last name. ("Thurston Howell"... "Chandler Bing.") The recent phenomenon of place names as first names sounds like a Hollywood fad that has spread.

[Erasmus]

I knew a girl in elementary school in the 60's named Dallas (but then again, there were a dozen Debras).

Did any of them "do" her?

[reg45]

Don't forget Fleet Admiral Chester W. Nimitz.

[Nea Wood]

I bet you that Monica and Ross and Rachel are more popular of late than they have been for years.

It would be interesting to know if the name "Monica" has changed in popularity due to Ms. Lewinsky. At the time of that scandal, I read an article interviewing ordinary women named Monica, who complained that their name had just started to be "cool," what with characters on "Friends" and "Touched By An Angel" with that name, and now along comes Monica Lewinsky giving their name a dirty connotation!

The name "Richard" became less popular after Nixon's scandal and the names "Patricia" and "Tania" lost popularity after Patricia Hearst became infamous. So often names fall out of favor when a famous person who bears the name is involved in a scandal. I know I'd never, never name a kid "Hillary"! LOL

[Erasmus]

That is a good law, in my family the name William is required o be given once a generation, first or middle, it gets confusing I have seven cousins with the same initals.

Sounds like you are descendant of the Hohenzollerns of Germany. For several generations, the Patriarch-to-be (and King of Brandenburg, Prussia, and/or Germany) would be named Friedrich, Wilhelm, or Friedrich Wilhelm.

[dighton]

I was working in retail once, and noticed that a black client's name was Obadiah. I commented he was named after the Old Testament prophet. The guy started stomping around, cussing, and throwing things. He got so mad he left without making his purchase.

He had never revealed the name to any man or woman, only to the files of the navy and the government, and it was on his baptismal record which he got at the age of a month; his mother was a Methodist. When the name leaked out of the navy files, Parker narrowly missed killing the man who used it.

“You’ll go blab it around,” he said.

“I swear I’ll never tell nobody,” she said. “On God’s holy word I swear it.”

Parker sat for a few minutes in silence. Then he reached for the girl’s neck, drew her ear close to his mouth and revealed the name in a low voice.

“Obadiah,” she whispered. Her face slowly brightened as if the name came as a sign to her. “Obadiah,” she said.

The name still stank in Parker’s estimation.

“Obadiah Elihue,” she said in a reverent voice.

“If you call me that aloud, I’ll bust your head open,” Parker said. “What’s yours?”

-- Flannery O’Connor, Parker’s Back.

[saradippity]

I think Madison surged with the kitchy,little,liberated female book called "The Bridges of Madison County",or something close.My brother-in-law,a pediatrician,mentioned the frequency of new born females with that handle shortly after publication.

[TontoKowalski]

That was such a tacky book. It was recommended to me by another man. I haven't spoken to him since.

Some things are just unforgiveable.

[saradippity]

Maybe once,the mom had walked outside one early morning in June and saw great beauty and felt total serenity. When her child was born and she saw her face,she named her for a beautiful memory she held in her heart.It would be a nice story to tell her little girl,if that's the way it went.

[boris]

"When I went to school (and I am not that old at all), I knew a girl named "Louise." Yet, I have never met a student named "Louise" in today's schools."

My grandmother was named "Pauline"...

My stepmother "Jeanette".

Hear many of those on girls these days?

--Boris

[boris]

"I went to high school with a girl named Vaseline Wineglass - still the strangest name I've seen."

I have a colleague who works with a woman whose first name is (no kidding) Waltrout.

As I recall, her last name is equally strange but I have forgotten it.

--Boris

[Revolting cat!]

And to finally close out this thread (this is REALLY the last post!) we've got a lot of collective nerve to diss the hard working class, food stamp collecting folks on their choices of baby names when we ourselves choose such revolting names for oursleves, as, well, see for yourself above! Sheesh! Shame on us!

Thread officially closed.

[FUMETTI]

Speaking of Obadiah....a real ancestor of President Bush is Obadiah Newcomb Bush (1797-1850) who was from Rochester, New York (my hometown)...I am quite proud of our prez's ancestral ties to my city.

[FUMETTI]

I assumed the popularity of the girl's name Madison stemmed from the 1980s hit movie "Splash" with Tom Hanks, whose character named the mermaid Madison because he met her on Madison Avenue.

[boris]

"LOL....I knew a family who named their daughters: April, May, June, and Julie."

I have an acquaintance with 3 daughters named Alice, Brittany, and Candace. A,B,C in order of birth.

[boris]

See my #28