Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[summer]

You guys are missing a funny thread here....See post #241. :)

[TN4Liberty]

"Twin girls named Summer Dawn and Autumn Eve"

Better than "Summers Eve" I guess. :)

[Trickyguy]

No, of course not. It's a joke that was told to me by a
white teacher in a black school. He also told me he had
a black kid named Antman. The kid insisted his name was
pronounced "Antwan."

[summer]

Nope.

[driftless]

It is my strange custom to tally up the strange names of the newlyborn in the Sunday paper. You have managed to pick just about every new oddball name. I still don't understand parents naming a daughter Sydney, Campbell, Jamie, or any of those last names substituting for first names. Americans are nuts.

[summer]

LOL.....remember the Seinfeld episode when George tells his favorite name for a new baby? What was it? "Seven" or something like that?

[kaylar]

You know that's what they get taunted with at school.

[Servant of the Nine]

There is a black Weather Chick on CNN named Orlon Sydney. I would bet she has brothers named Dacron and Rayon.

So9

[smoking camels]

In the culture I live and move in it is as I described. We did think long and hard about it before we used this name. His middle name is Lynn and we are not opposed to him being called JB or Jay. In fact I do it myself sometimes. Of course I usually call him "my little buddy"! We did not invent this name. But you obviously would not understand my culture and why this name is revered in it. (not a slam... just a fact...) We thought about his adult future and think either he could go by JB or Jay OR hopefully capitalize on his name to help him reach success. We are teaching him that his name is unique and to be proud of it. My name is Richard. I refuse to use a nickname because my name stands out a bit and I believe that to be useful in business.

[summer]

Dog, Thanks for your post #241. Every child is special and beautiful and full of love, but I think any kid named "Shonda Poo" may need some extra love in this world. :)

[debg]

i've taught 4 boys named jose ortiz.
they are all brothers
and named after their father.
they have the same middle name and no other appendages to denote their place in the lineage (i.e., jr/sr/I/II/III/IV)
they are all gifted in the arts and would joke that if one made it big, then they all would (because of the signature on the canvas!)

[snopercod]

Nosmo King ROFL! A distant cousin of Martin Luther, no doubt.

[smoking camels]

He will not be on the public school playgrounds. We choose our friends carefully and that they teach their children to respect others is a major criteria.

[Spyder]

And June Dawn, born late at night in November.

Had a client once named Morning Dawn. When we commented on the unusual name to the mom, the mom said it was because that's when the child was conceived. Her sister was Misty Ray, supposedly because that's what was seen through the window when she was conceived. The mom impressed me as an aging hippy. June Dawn doesn't quite work out for a November birth for that, though, unless she was quite premature. ;-)

[Thinkin' Gal]

I think the name Madison for a girl is a strong name, a leadership name, not a cutesie name like Kimberly or Brianna or Ashleigh. We named our daughter Madison...

I don't like any of the names you list here either. However, girl names for girls just make plain sense. Hmmm, I wonder if any Freepers who named their daughters Kimberly or Brianna or Ashleigh will now respond to your post! LOL :-)

[Prolix]

My vote for trashiest girl's name is Crystal and its many variations. I wonder what stoners are naming their girls now: Cracky? Cracklyn?

[Dog Gone]

[TontoKowalski]

Summer, you have to hold the title as "Poster Most Likely to Get a 300-Post Thread Started." I'm supposed to be planning out my Cub Scout Den's activities and just stopped by FR "for a minute." Ha! You know how that goes...

When I was in grammar school, there were several boys named "Adolf" or "Adolph", which today strikes me as unusual. They would have been born in the early 60's, and their parents would have been alive during WWII.

They were not of Germanic heritage, so I'm not sure why their parents picked that name.

[Kevin Curry]

My vote for trashiest girl's name is Crystal and its many variations.

Point of Origin: Crystal Gayle? (Named after a southern fast food chain).

[gitmo]

Some names from the 10/2002 birth announcements on your site:

Tylynn LaRon Verlee
Ja'Pera
Atom Molecule Melton
Eskimo Pig Moore
Larryshekoa Saltxxius MyAjhia Mays

What nicknames will the kids give these people?
Atom Molecule will be "Tiny".
Saltxxius will be "Double-X".
Eskimo pig will be "Snow Pig". Kids will ask him if he (?) rubs snouts with the other pigs.