Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[SW6906]

"our Matthew is mostly western/northern European, with a quarter Japanese, and a smattering of Choctaw Indian. Seven years old. Homeschooled. Smart as a whip."

....and here's hoping (for his sake) that he inherits your namesake's characteristics, TontoKowalski.... ;o)

[EllaMinnow]

You poor thing! There isn't a decent name to be found on either "The Young and The Restless" or "The Bold and the Beautiful."
Maybe she'll go for a good Biblical first name if you let her have a soap opera name for a middle name.

Wait - there is a "Paul" on Y&R. Maybe she'll go for that.

[MilspecRob]

Hi Summer, Tell me, whats an American name?

[Nubbin]

What, no Taylor's? I think 25% of the white baby girls in my area are named Taylor. Soap Opera and genderless names are very popular.

When my grandson was born 2 years ago, my son-in-law told my daughter that he would not have a "bi-sexual" name for his son; LOL!...he's an Aggie. They named him Nicholas but call him Nick. I think that is compatible with his Italian surname. They are expecting again and have agreed on Anna for girl and Joseph Charles (Charlie) for a boy.

Also, my nieces and nephews that are having children are using family or "grand-parent" names; William, Jack, Mary Catherine, Emma. Perhaps this is the beginning of a trend?

[muggs]

Does anyone remember Malice Greene?

[SW6906]

My friend's wife is a nurse and she assisted in the birth of a black child who was given the name Orangello, pronounced as you wrote, WKB. To me, that is borderline child abuse. Kids can and will be cruel. That child is going to have a heck of a time going through school.....

[summer]

RE your post #183 - Well, MilspecRob, I would say "LaTissue" is not exactly a well-known "American" name, although it could become one, if more and more Americans choose it. By "American name" I merely meant: a name well-known in this country. I don't think "LaTissue," for example, meets that criteria. That doesn't mean it isn't a beautiful name, nor does my opinion mean that you shouldn't name your firstborn son or daughter: "LaTissue."

[kaylar]

In all seriousness : Apparently, in the 1880s names like Edith, Maud, Gwendolyn, etc were the 'party girl' names, fin de siecle equivalents of Bambi, Fawn, and Debbie.

[IowaHawk]

Whenever I see one of those clueless white trash monikers...

Dakota, Montanna, Logan, Brianna, Cameron, Kaylie, Mackenzi, Tiffanie, Caleb, Cheyenne, etc.

all I can imagine is a toothless, pregnant, chain smoking ex-lap dancer laying on the duct-taped sofa of her Arkansas trailer, writing down name ideas from soap operas.

[pbear8]

I knew an Aquanetta, also knew Princess Couch. Worked with a black lady named Syreather who got upset if you didn't pronounce it Syreatha. I also met Latrina.

Blaze or Blaise is a Catholic saint, Cameron is a good Scottish clan. I hate Madison and Montana for girls!!!

[summer]

RE your post #175 - Thanks for your nice post there, Nea Wood. I too find names a fascinating topic. Here are some female names that were quite popular when I went to school, but I never meet students today with these names: Sharon, Nancy and Stacy.

[Atlas Sneezed]

Urban legends?:
http://www.snopes2.com/racial/language/names.htm

Real Female African names:
A'sharia' | A`duda | A`ldja | A`ldjiya | Aaliyah | Aazzi | Aba | Ababuo | Abagbe | Abagebe | Abah | Abam | Abana | Abayomi | Abba | Abbah | Abbannie | Abbeba | Abbo | Abdalla | Abeba | Abebe | Abebi | Abebja | Abeje | Abeke | Abena | Abeni | Abeo | Abi | Abia | Abiba | Abidemi | Abikanile | Abimbola | Abina | Abiona | Abla | Ablan | Abok | Abosede | Abra | Abraba | Abrah | Abrihet | Absa | Absco | Abuya | Acanit | Achan | Achen | Achieng | Achta | Ada | Adaego | Adaeke | Adaeze | Adah | Adaku | Adama | Adamma | Adana | Adande | Adanech | Adanma | Adanna | Adanne | Adanya | Adaobi | Adaoha | Adaora | Adaugo | Adebi | Adebola | Adebomi | Adedagbo | Adedewe | Adedoja | Adedoyin | Adefunke | Adefunmike | Adeleke | Adelle | Aden | Adeola | Aderinola | Adero | Adeseyi | Adesimbo | Adesina | Adetokunbo | Adeyemi | Adhra | Adia | Adiagha | Adiel | Adila | Adimbola | Adimu | Adin | Adina | Adita | Adjan | Adjanaya | Adjoa | Adjua | Adla | Adojoa | Adong | Adongo | Adowa | Aduda | Aduke | Adwin | Adwoa | Adwowa | Adzo | Adzoa | Adzowa | Afaafa | Afafa | Afam | Afe | Afi | Afia | Afidi | Afiwa | Afiya | Afraisa | Afrika | Afryea | Afua | Afya | Agbeko | Agbenyaga | Ago | Agodichinma | Ahadi | Ahine | Ahjahnae | Ahlam | Aho | Ahuzuomoke | Aida | Aidoo | Aina | Ainka | Ainra | Aisha | Aissa | Aiyana | Aiyetoro | Ajia | Ajo | Ajoke | Ajua | Ajuluchukwu | Akaia | Akama | Akanika | Akanke | Akano | Akeiyla | Akello | Akenke | Akeyo | Akhona | Akiba | Akila | Akilah | Akili | Akilil | Akim | Akinyi | Akosia | Akosiwa | Akosua | Akoth | Akpenamawu | Aksia | Aku | Akua | Akuabia | Akuako | Akuba | Akueke | Akueni | Akumjeli | Akuwa | Akwasiba | Akwate | Akwaugo | Akweley | Akwete | Akwokwo | Akworkor | Alaba | Aladinma | Alaezi | Alake | Alana | Aldjata | Aldjiya | Alemnesh | Alemr | Aleta | Alica | Alika | Alikah | Alike | Alikee | Aliki | Alile | Alili | Aliya | Alize` | Almasi | Almaz | Altaye | Aluma | Aluna | Aluoch | Ama | Amadi | Amaka | Amakai | Amal | Amali | Amana | Amanchechi | Amandla | Amani | Amanishakhete | Amaogechukwu | Amara | Amarachukwu | Amarurenas | Amasheka | Amatekai | Amateokor | Amatetso | Amatso | Amauchechukwu | Amauzo | Amaziah | Ambai | Ambe | Amechi | Ameena | Ameenah | Amele | Amelitu | Amellal | Ameng | Amevi | Amghnna | Ami | Amina | Aminah | Aminata | Aminatta | Amineh | Aminia | Aminifu | Amira | Amirah | Amma | Amne | Amoge | Amokor | Amondi | Amonke | Amsalech | Anacleta | Anan | Anana | Anani | Anasi | Andaiye | Aneesa | Anene | Anenechukwu | Angavu | Angweng | Ani | Anika | Anindo | Anisa | Anisha | Anisun | Annakiya | Anny | Antobam | Anuli | Anwar | Anya | Anyango | Anyanwu | Aoko | Apiyo | Aprili | Araba | Arafa | Arday | Aren | Aret | Areta | Arida | Arifa | Arogo | Arria | Arusi | Arziki | Asa | Asabi | Asale | Asali | Asante | Asatira | Asesimba | Asha | Ashaki | Ashame | Ashanta | Ashantae | Ashante | Ashantee | Ashanti | Ashaunta | Ashauntae | Ashaunte | Ashauntee | Ashaunti | Ashia | Ashitsoo | Ashley | Ashuntae | Ashunti | Ashura | Asilia | Asis | Asiya | Asli | Asma | Asmahani | Asminia | Asnaketch | Asokore | Asong | Asres | Aster | Asumini | Asura | Asya | Ata | Atakuma | Atese | Athiambo | Atieno | Atiya | Atsuai | Atsufi | Atsukpi | Audi | Auniece | Auta | Avaina | Aviba | Avongara | Awa | Awena | Awino | Awiti | Awo | Awotwi | Awushi | Awushie | Awusi | Ayaba | Ayah | Ayan | Ayana | Ayanay | Ayanda | Ayanna | Ayele | Ayelech | Ayfa | Ayikaifo | Ayikaikai | Ayikaikor | Ayikaile | Ayikaitso | Ayikale | Ayite | Aynalem | Ayni | Ayo | Ayobami | Ayobunmi | Ayodele | Ayofemi | Ayoka | Ayoluwa | Ayoola | Aza | Azalee | Azeb | Azinza | Aziza | Azizah | Azmera | Azu | Azubuike | Azuka |

...and that's only the "A" list. The rest at:
http://www.kabalarians.com/female/africa-f.htm

[Thinkin' Gal]

What is with the name "Madison"? Why is it suddenly so popular? It's androgenous. Another win for the feminazis?

[WKB]

That child is going to have a heck of a time going through school.....

I don't know about other places but there are many many black children in the south who are going to have name problems.

[HBAR223]

Try this- http://www.rock103.com/drakeandzeke/_bbn/

[Amelia]

Soap opera names are passe'. A few years ago, all the kids had "Dynasty" names. IMO, Edward is a good solid name, and it has a history behind it, which is good.

[Nubbin]

I vote Tiffany as the trashiest Girls name

Seconded!

[summer]

What, no Taylor's? I think 25% of the white baby girls in my area are named Taylor.

You're right about that.

[Dog Gone]

I regret not naming my only son, "LaTissue." His sister's name is "LaKleenex", and it would have demonstrated some better planning on my part.

[csvset]

Heeeeeeeeeeeer's Malice! /Ed McMahon mode