A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day....12-12-02

FreeTheHostages; MudboySlim; Billie | Billie; MudboySlim; FreeTheHostages

[The Thin Man]

You only had three more to go!

Well, Pippin, I did say my effort was sorely lacking, lol.

lod, "brutal" is the perfect description. :-)

[Pippin]

lol!

[FreeTheHostages]

Well, you know, we always pick one complete loser for "Honorable Mention" just to show we're serious about being erratic judges. You could still get that . . . . ;)

[JustAmy]

Shaggy went to Macy's and bought a new outfit for Christmas .....
Do you like?

[The Thin Man]

I appreciate you comments FTH and am pleased that you and Mud have high standards for bribes. Though, I have to admit to being disturbed by your approval of daisyscarlett's shameless behavior. :-)

[The Thin Man]

To receive "honorable mention" would be one of the great honors of my life. I just hope you're not building up my hopes for nothing.

[FreeTheHostages]

"great honors of my life"

Brutal indeed! We shall see, we shall see. Something tells me you're tough enough to take it if you don't make it! ;)

[lodwick]

A bizarre listing of ways to be annoying -

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.plastic.storage.containers.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 800 operators for dates.

Produce a rental video consistin
g entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Wear your pants backwards.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Finish the 99 bottles of coke song.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

Drive half a block.

Name your dog "Dog".

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains,
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Pretend to be a doorman/woman and offer to take peoples coats. If they allow you to take their coat use it to blow your nose.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Ask to "interface" with someone.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

Attempt to mow your neighbourghs lawn with scissors.

Dig a large hole in front of your front door and fill with water.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Clap when a collugue or friend finishes talking to you.

Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Shout bingo while someone counts.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

[FreeTheHostages]

Well, it's just that it was a thematic bribe.

It's as if there were a book called "The Etiquette of Bribes" and Daisy had read it and realized that the best bribes should match the decor of the general thread. I thought it was a very tasteful bribe.

One thing I like about Mudboy Slim is that he's a real, rock-hard conservative. When I made a concededly tasteless joke that, in terms of bribes, anything goes, it's sorta like the Clinton White House, he signaled his sincere distaste for this comparison and declared he had lost the stomach for accepting bribes. Some things just *aren't* funny, and there I went too far.

[FreeTheHostages]

When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

LOL. That one hits home. My nephew actually does this.

[FreeTheHostages]

(I checked your list twice just to make sure it didn't say: "Host too many contest threads too close together." Whew.)

[The Thin Man]

Hey, your list has more than 10. You're disqualified!!!

[lodwick]

Ten reasons to rethink retirement:

1. Retire the word retirement.
2. Realize it's a new concept.
3. Restructure your priorities.
4. Renew your zest for education.
5. Revitalize your energy.
6. Rekindle your taste for risk-taking.
7. Respond to new opportunities.
8. Recharge your system.
9. Revisit childhood dreams.
10. Remember, the wisdom to find your true passion is within you!

Too young to retire

[The Thin Man]

LOL! You better watch your words more carefully around Mudboy.

[FreeTheHostages]

Top Ten Least Popular Christmas Carols (stolen from Letterman)

10. Elmo roasting on an open fire

9. Come on it's lovely weather for a lap dance together with you

8. Every Christmas my uncle Louis throws up in the kitchen sink

7. I'm addicted to nasal decongestant

6. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a restraining order

5. May we see Richard Simmons, bite Santa's arm again

4. A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, probably `cause we're all so full of gin

3. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to tell your parents you are gay

2. Hillary, Hillary, you're lucky you're not in prison

1. Joy to the world, their season's done, the Jets can lose no more

[FreeTheHostages]

I like to tempt fate. As should be obvious by serving as a judge for the second (and undoubtedly last) time in one week.

[GailA]

Afternoon ALL...finally pried the 'puter out of hubby's hands. Oh, boy another FUN thread.

This one is beyond my poor skills. So I'll just stick to graphics.

[jwfiv]

Top Ten Proofs for the Existence of God

1. The Gift of His Son, the Logos, the Messiah, Jesus.

2. Mesons, nuetrons, quarks and photons, the weak and strong forces of gravity.

3. The stars in the sky, the stars in the sea.

4. Worms and slugs and crawling bugs.

5. Whales and guppies, kittens and guppies.

6. Girls and boys, their sorrows and joys.

7. All of human history, with all it's confounding mystery.

8. Ice cream.

9. The electric guitar.

10. America, and the leaders He provides in Her hour of need.

[jwfiv]

[jwfiv]