Posted on 12/08/2002 6:15:45 AM PST by Liz
Oh please, hurt 'em a little.
Dear Mr. Ex-President:
I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, . . . specifically:
1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?
2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until they were older to discuss it with them, but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in college.
3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex.
4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all.
5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.
6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising.
7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.
8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips.
9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars-I really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving group of recipients for my hard-earned dollars than jet fuel for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you; the family and your cronies have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.
10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society.
11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware, I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends."
12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel, thank you!
13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $5 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay!
14. The last and most important point- thank you for forcing Israel to let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners." However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted" that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World Trade Center. This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports.
Why shouldn't Americans know the real truth? What a guy!! If you agree that the American public must be made aware of these fact, pass this on. God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so wisely and frugally.
SINCERELY, A US Citizen
Grin.
The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy - agents of the right wing spent years grooming Johnny Chung and Monica Lewinsky in an evil plot to entrap Bill Clinton.
Trying to undo what they couldn't do at the polls - Prosecuting Bill Clinton for criminal activities has nothing to do with justice. It is really a petty, underhanded means the Republicans are employing to wreak vengeance for losing an election.
Partisan politics at it's worst - a vote against Bill has nothing to do with following one's conscience, it is merely voting blindly along party lines...the other guy's party, that is.
It depends upon what the meaning of "is" is - this trial is of such monumental importance that we cannot afford to overlook the significance of even the most seemingly trivial nuances, or split the finest hairs in an effort to save my butt.
I was less than truthful - a nice way of making it sound like you weren't really lying your ass off.
I regret causing pain to my family - a very clever way of not quite admitting that Bill was caught red handed screwing around with someone other than his wife.
I don’t recall – Damn! Wouldn’t you just know that my legendary capacity for recall has failed me on this one, particularly crucial issue!
It is his inner child desperately seeking to please his mother - the president of the most powerful nation on earth doesn't have to assume responsibility for his own actions, he suffered a childhood trauma when his mommy and grandma once argued over who was going to tuck him in nighty-night.
History will write that I fought for the Constitution and for America - I can't face the fact that I am really a self-serving SOB and I will continue to spin, confuse, twist the truth, and blame others in a desperate attempt to re-write history and save my legacy.
The American people want me to, are tired of, feel that...., etc. - Every Tom, Dick, and Agnes in the United States supports me and it is only the mean-spirited Republicans in Washington that are unjustly persecuting me.
Listening Tour - enables a candidate to run for an office without having to voice an opinion, state a platform, utter a word, and so avoid running the risk of putting a foot in the mouth, displaying ignorance, or being exposed for an utter idiot.
that woman - reference to one of the many nameless women used for gratifying Bill's base urges.
I feel your pain - I couldn't care less.
It's for the children - the ultimate ploy. When all else fails, invoke the children. Convince all those around you that every scandal and crime was ultimately for the children. Accuse those who dare oppose you of not being concerned for the welfare of our children - the same children who will very shortly have Chinese and North Korean warheads pointed directly at them, built with our nation's latest technology and nuclear secrets, compliments of Comrade William Jefferson Clinton.
Clintonesque – All of the above.
Clintonspeak – All of the above.
Framed copies of this should be sold in the counter library. Nice reminder of the "Clinton Legacy."
The real parody will be when the Counter Clinton Library brings in more money to the state of Arkansas than the real thing. I don't think these blind morons who continue to support him and his LIEbrary travesty have any clue just how much these people are hated or why.
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