Posted on 12/07/2002 4:11:23 PM PST by ambrose
Bullies: How to deal with them
BY STACY L. NEITZEL/Times Staff Writer
The early 1990's were characterized as a decade riddled with youth violence, according to a recent surgeon general's report on the subject.
And only now, in light of an alarming number of school shootings are educators starting to pay more attention to the problems associated with bullying.
"We've known about bullying for years," said Dr. Bill Pfohl, professor of psychology at Western Kentucky University and a licensed psychologist specializing in childhood and adolescent problems.
"It is very different than it was 20 years ago," he said, explaining that bullies have become younger in recent years, effectively moving from the high and junior high schools to the elementary school level.
Another noticeable change over the last two decades is the rapidly growing number of female bullies. "Female violence is the fastest growing group," said Pfhol, who said girls in particular are guilty of verbal bullying which can be both "vicious" and "personal."
The old conjecture about bullies acting out because of low self-esteem may be inaccurate, according to recent studies. "It is absolutely false. If anything, these folks have an inflated sense of self-esteem," said Pfhol.
Conversely, victims tend to be revictimized because of their dissimilar personality characteristics as compared with the aggressor. "Kids who are bullied, tend to get bullied a lot," said Pfhol, who said bullying usually starts out as emotional abuse and can eventually escalate to physical abuse.
He said if left unchecked, it can have far reaching implications. "Kids can become aggressive," he continued. "About half of all kids involved in school shootings were at one point the victim of a bully."
Bill Bond, the former principal of Heath High School, has retired since the Paducah school shooting more than five years ago that left three dead and five more wounded after Michael Carneal opened fire on a prayer group.
In his current role as a school safety consultant for the National Association of Secondary School Prin-cipals, Bond speaks to school administrators throughout the U.S. on preventing future school shootings.
A few common themes run through virtually every shooting, said Bond. The shooter almost always tells someone what he plans to do, and he almost always believes he is being picked on or bullied, Bond told a Courier Journal reporter in a recent article.
While few cases of being bullied lead to murder, experts say the experience could harm a child's emotional well-being resulting in depression, anxiety, or in the most serious of cases, suicide.
It is a serious issue that can lead to emotional disorders, suggests Ron Davis M.D. and trustee of the American Medical Association (AMA).
But too often, both parents and educators are not receptive to the complaints of the victims of bullies, said Pfhol. "Kids used to have someone to talk it over with. Now they may find themselves without resources because families are either too busy or don't take it seriously."
However slowly, attitudes are beginning to change as schools implement bullying policies, a set of guidelines for dealing with aggressive behavior while offering peer mediation.
Other schools have taken a proactive approach with programs aimed at curtailing bullying before it begins.
School districts need to address this issue from the top on down, said Pfhol.
Davis offers the following dialogue as published in the current December issue of RedBook magazine to determine if your child may be the victim of a bully.
Ask, Are you teased a lot a school and if so, what do you get teased about?
Have you ever told a teacher about being teased? What was done about it?
At recess, do you usually play with other children or by yourself?
Do other kids call you a not-so-friendly nickname?
The dialogue offers parents a chance to talk to their children- and open communication, insists Pfhol, is the first step and is key to helping bullied victims cope.
Wonder who funded this crap and how much you and I had to pay for it. Bullying has always existed since the start of time and the only way to combat it is to fight back. Only wish I had the confidence I have now back then. But then, that is what life's experiences are all about........
One study that might actually be of interest is to track the development of the bullies vs the bullied and see who winds out ahead in the game of life.
This dude use to get a kick out of knocking the books out of the non-cool kids hands. Needless to say, I was one of the non-cool kids.
I never forgot about this P.O.S.
I attended my 10 year high school reunion (Denton High - Denton, TX) back in 1994. I saw this same dude. What a sweet surprise all us "nerds" received. I was about 6 inches taller than him and he turned out to be a fat slob with a badly receeding hair line. The ladies had nothing to flock to any more.
I didn't say a word to the turd, I just looked at him and laughed (only on the inside).
Trajan88; TAMU Class of '88; watch out t.u.... we're going to throw some competition at you on fall Saturdays.
1. Stand up to him.
2. See (1)
Real complicated.
The Wall St Journal recently had an article in which a journalist tracked down the bully who had tormented him throughout childhood. I was terribly disappointed in the story, but the WSJ got a lot of reader mail praising it, so maybe I missed something.
The short answer: The bully died in his 30's. He was alone, without friends or resources. A shattered shell of a man. Now, if you're looking for any sense of Karma, that the guy got what was coming to him, I think you need to read the Long answer, to find out if bullying can pay off later in life.
The long answer: The bully never stopped bullying people. He went into construction and became rich and successful. He was a horrible boss, but he got the jobs done, and apparently his customers appreciated this. He had fancy clothes, fancy cars, a big income, and lots of women. He was riding high until -- one of the women gave him AIDS. He got sick, lost his money and died.
Now, is this evidence that bullies get what's coming to them? Or is it evidence that bullies can make out pretty well in our society -- unless they catch a communicable disease?
Just did whatever had to be done. Black eye, split lip, Bruise on the cheek. Something, ANYTHING visable.
Literally gave myself a concussion one time with a head butt to the other guys chin so I could give him a split lip.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.