'Gay' Reaction to Mrs. Stachowicz’s Murder: Silence to Applause

'Gay' Reaction to Mrs. Stachowicz’s Murder: Silence to Applause 12/4/2002 By Allyson Smith

"I really don't feel sorry for her. She paid a very steep price for being an arrogant religious fascist. Too bad for her." – "Iris," in a posting on the ACLU Online Forum.

"Quite frankly, if anyone in this case was being ‘persecuted’ it was Mr. Gutierrez. Unfortunately for the victim this was a lesson that she learned too hard and too late. Maybe this will give pause to other people who similarly try to ‘help’ homosexuals." — "Silence Dogood," on ACLU Online Forum.

In the three weeks since Mary Stachowicz was murdered by homosexual Nicholas Gutierrez in Chicago, some pro-homosexualists have reacted with much more sympathy for the ‘gay’ killer than for his Christian victim. In fact, several even have gone as far as saying that Mrs. Stachowicz deserved to die for questioning the man’s lifestyle.

Predictably, the mainstream media and homosexual advocacy organizations have reacted to Mary Stachowicz’s murder the same way they did to 13-year-old Jesse Dirkhising’s torture-murder at the hands of two homosexual men in 1999: by avoiding it. As of December 4, no formal condemnations of Mrs. Stachowicz’s murder have been issued by leading groups such as the Human Rights Campaign, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, or the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Soulforce, a group that works in churches to oppose the traditional Christian view of homosexuality, issued no press statement, but a spokeswoman did give a quote to The Washington Times:

"We condemn this murder, like we do all murders," said Laura Montgomery Rutt, spokeswoman for Soulforce. "A hate crime needs to have an intent to intimidate a whole class of people. If in this case, it was directed at this person and intended to intimidate Christians, that would be a hate crime in my mind."

A devout Catholic, Mary Stachowicz met her martyrdom while working at the Sikorski Funeral Home on Chicago’s northwest side, where she got to know Gutierrez, 19, who lived in a second-floor apartment above the funeral home. On the afternoon of November 13, Stachowicz attended Mass at St. Hyacinth parish across the street, then returned to the funeral home and went to visit Gutierrez in his apartment.

According to Chicago police, an argument broke out when Mrs. Stachowicz lectured Gutierrez about his lifestyle and his lack of direction in life. Gutierrez later told police that he had issues with his mother and that the way Stachowicz was talking to him gave him flashbacks of his mother that angered him.

When Stachowicz asked him, "Why do you [have sex with] boys instead of girls?" Gutierrez snapped. In a fit of rage, he punched, kicked, stabbed and strangled the 51-year-old wife and mother of four. Gutierrez then stuffed her body into a crawl space under the floor of his apartment, where it remained for two days until he confessed to police.

Family members were baffled by Stachowicz’s disappearance. They posted fliers in neighborhoods, and her daughter made a public plea for her safe return.

"My sister is very healthy. She's very stable. She has the closest family you can imagine," Stachowicz’s younger sister, Alice Kosinski, told NBC5.com. "Her faith would not allow for anything out of the ordinary."

After learning of Gutierrez’s confession, Stachowicz’s loved ones agreed that the circumstances of her murder were in keeping with her character. Kosinski told The Chicago Tribune, "Because she's so Catholic, there's no room for being gay in the Catholic Church."

Friend Mary Coleman said, "Those of us who knew her immediately hear her soft voice saying something like, 'God wouldn't approve of the way you're living your life.’ That's how Mary did things."

Rev. Francis Rog of St. Hyacinth Church told ABC 7 Chicago news, "She was a very intense person, concerned about the good of the parish, always seeking things for the poor as well as spiritual welfare for people."

Police recovered Stachowicz’s body on November 15 and charged Gutierrez two days later with first-degree murder, concealing a homicidal death, and burglary for attempting to steal money from Stachowicz’s purse.

Chicago local media reported these events, choosing headlines devoid of the words "gay" or "homosexual." In contrast, several homosexual publications – including Gay.com/PlanetOut.com, Gay People’s Chronicle, and the Washington Blade -- did use "gay" in their headlines.

Gay.com began running the story on November 19, a full week before the first mainstream news story appeared in The Washington Times.

The same day, National Review Online columnist Rod Dreher published a commentary titled These Victims Are People, Too" wherein he lamented "the deafening media silence around the savage murder of Mary Stachowicz" and speculated on its cause:

"One cannot help wondering if the upright citizens who report the news don't privately share the view of gay blogger James Wagner, who said of Stachowicz’s strangling:

The woman who did such great evil is dead, but unfortunately the evil and the church and the society which creates it is not, and it will continue to destroy Nicholas Gutierrez and many others. I shake, safely sitting here at home, fully understanding, and fully familiar with, the horrible impact her words must have had for a man already so terribly damaged by his society, and his own mother.

Dreher added, "I believe many, and probably most, journalists share the unspoken assumption that Christians bring such trouble on themselves."

That assumption appears to be shared by pro-homosexual cyber citizens. A search for "Mary Stachowicz" on message boards, e-mail lists, and Web logs (blogs) turned up several people who reacted viciously toward Stachowicz and Christianity.

For example, James Wagner’s boyfriend, Barry, expressed the hope on his blog that "maybe [Stachowicz’s murder] will strike fear in the hearts of a few fundamentalists" and then asked, "Where do I send a check for his (Gutierrez’s) defense fund?"

James and Barry’s statements drew the following response from fellow homosexual Michael Benedetto:

"I think that if gays are going to continue to have any credibility in politics, our sympathies in cases like this are going to have to lie first and foremost with the victims. And that's one upsetting thing about Barry's and James' posts: Until the criticism started to roll in, the only sympathy they expressed was for the wrong person."

Elsewhere, Benedetto wrote, "[Y]es, the woman (Stachowicz) was clearly a meddlesome b---- who didn't understand that the lives of her co-workers were none of her business. That does not make her any less the victim, or absolve her killer of any of his guilt."

Several posts implied that Stachowicz had brought on her own death. One man wrote to a Yahoo discussion forum, "It's Sad Someone Was Murdered, BUT... ...I do wish the Religious Wrong would learn to mind their own business."

"Iris" wrote to the ACLU Online Forum: "I am in no way condoning this man's behavior. Murder is murder. He should receive life or the death penalty for his actions. But one fact remains ... if she would have been minding her own [expletive] business instead of attempting to ram her religion where it didn't belong, none of this would have ever happened. I really don't feel sorry for her. She paid a very steep price for being an arrogant religious fascist. Too bad for her."

"Silence Dogood" agreed: "I won't go so far as to say that she deserved what she got, no one deserves to die, but I won't exactly be shedding any tears for her. Quite frankly, if anyone in this case was being 'persecuted' it was Mr. Gutierrez. Unfortunately for the victim this was a lesson that she learned too hard and too late. Maybe this will give pause to other people who similarly try to ‘help’ homosexuals."

Other discussions centered on the characteristics of hate crimes. "Real" hate crimes, explained ACLU Online Forum member "morningstar," must be like Matthew Shepard’s murder; they must be premeditated and target a group.

"KingFred" wrote to the MacAddict Forum: "Since (Gutierrez has) already admitted he did the crime, there's no question he should do the time. But ‘hate crime’? Don't see it here. He didn't go out to get himself a Christian. He did in a person who may have been berating him, using her Christian beliefs as ‘weapons'. That doesn't justify what he did by any means, but it may explain it."

Catholic League President William Donohue summed up the problems with hate crimes statutes as illustrated by Mary Stachowicz’s murder in a November 26 press release:

"A few thoughts on this matter: a) this (Mary’s murder) will not be listed as a hate crime, thus showing how useless this category of crime is; b) the killer is going to be charged with a capital offense, thus showing once again how useless this category of crime is; c) Mary Stachowicz will never be remembered the way Matthew Shepard is, thus showing how politically corrupt the whole concept of hate crime legislation really is. The fact is she was murdered for having a Catholic-informed conscience."

Others blamed the Roman Catholic Church for Stachowicz’s murder. On the Naked Writing blog, "JodyW" commented, "Gutierrez is responsible for what he did. So the RCC [Roman Catholic Church] is responsible for continuing to put forth a silly, stupid and factually wrong doctrine of ‘objective disorders’ and ‘intrinsic moral evil’ regarding homosexuality. For all that that evil that that doctrine has done and continues to do, they have a lot to be held accountable for."

Perhaps the cruelest comment of all was this from a San Francisco man on Yahoo: "The b---- had it coming to her. I'm glad he killed her. Too bad he'll probably spend the rest of his life in prison getting his little butt pounded, but still, I'm glad he killed her. The b---- deserved to die."

Mary Stachowicz, nee Frank, devoted wife of Jerry; beloved mother of Peter, Christopher, Angela (Louie) Ruffolo and Daniel; loving daughter of Agnes and the late Rudolf Frank; dear sister of Irene (John) Rog and Alice (Mark) Kosinski. Funeral Tuesday, 9:30 a.m., from Cumberland Chapels, 8300 W. Lawrence Ave., Norridge, to St. Hyacinth Church, Mass 11 a.m. Interment St. Adalbert Cemetery.

Four pages of condolences accompanied the obituary, where former classmates, co-workers and other family friends left messages of sympathy for Mary’s tragic demise.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that, after Mary’s death, Alderwoman Vilma Colom (35th) introduced a city council resolution in her memory. "She lost her life in an unselfish attempt to help a very disturbed young man, and for that she should be remembered," said Colom, who goes to the same church Stachowicz did.

Mary’s sister, Alice Kosinski, told the Chicago Tribune that her sister's death is difficult for everyone in her family to fathom.

"We're not doing that well," she said. "It just doesn't make any sense, and somehow we're going to have to make our peace with it."

"The really great thing about that belief system is it gives you the rationale to discount conflicting viewpoints. Like the man said, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you."

Be glib and arrogant all you want...it is much easier to write off people like you as not worth the trouble. It certainly would make life easier...not to mention that it would make it so much easier to look "caring" because we wouldn't be "shoving our views down the throats of others" and your ilk would interpret that as the preferable and more sensitive thing to do...that is because you are blind to the consequences. Your rationalizations have been repeated time after time through the ages..."there is nothing new under the sun"...and the motivation for them is the same, as well.

I'm sure you're a fine human. No one is ever argued into the Light. I know...I used to be a proud reprobate myself. I respect your "right" to be wrong. That is my "rationale" for not bothering to spend any more of my time on this right now. Take care.

Me people?" Yes, I am "villifying" the propoganda of CWA. "Denial" is more than a river in Egypt. You have mistaken propaganda for "evidence." That's "denial."

Yes.... Homosexuality is a deadly perversion and I don't think people who use harassing screaming tactics to change the DSM should be lecturing others about science or evidence.

Terroristic tactics against Narth meetings or the earlier ones against the APA in the late 60s and early 70s are not scientific methods -- even if homosexuals are the favored mascots of America's annointed.

[I do think that rapid technological change and urbanization have been rocking the foundations of world cultures for most of the past 100 years. As a result, people look for something stable to hang onto, and that often is religion. Unfortunately, demagogues who are most interested in personal promotion tend to move to politics and the pulpit. And what is the best way to pull people onto your side and get their support? Create an enemy. In this case, fundamentalist Christians have two: abortion and its supporters, and homosexuals. Just look at the action those topics receive here.]

I don't see that as the answer. Believe me that group of people were much more fundamentally religious then - than they are today. A divorce was a scandal then.

I will also say that had someone opened an abortion clinic in that town or had a doctor done abortions there - I am sure they would have not have been accepted or welcomed.

I think I can safely say if two homsexuals had showed up in their leather,e tc., the reaction would have been, well- 'interesting'.

Now my opposition to homosexualty and abortion has nothing to do with my needing some thing to cling to or my fear of technology. It has to do with something being wrong. Abortion is murder - pure and simple. Homosexuality is wrong - it is also very dangerous today. So what can I say. But thanks for your opinion. I didn't ask for opinions just to shoot them down. Thanks for taking the time.

When Stachowicz asked him, "Why do you [have sex with] boys instead of girls?"

She's not here to vouch for the accuracy of this quotation, but I am skeptical. It would be to imply that "having sex with girls" (note the plural, and no mention of marital status) would be an OK thing.

[sarcasm] NOOOO!!! A gay man who has 'issues' with his mother?!?! You have got to be kidding me. I read a newspaper article once that said homosexuality was genetic! [/sarcasm]

National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality has several writers who aver that this kind of connection is common. It certainly doesn't excuse what he did, but it would seem that a nagging, bossy woman is not likely to be an effective Christian witness to a 'gay' man. Too bad she didn't know that.

Trying again... something got screwed up with the HTML

[sarcasm] NOOOO!!! A gay man who has 'issues' with his mother?!?! You have got to be kidding me. I read a newspaper article once that said homosexuality was genetic! [/sarcasm]

"I must admit that I'm having a little trouble figuring out the posts to which you refer. Are you talking about your post that says: "it seems to me that by the set-up of the actual crime event, that the gay at first wanted to talk to her. it also seems the subject arose in discussion, not her whipping out a Bible and thwaking him in the head. the gay guy is a nutcase with severe emo problems?" I don't know that he "wanted to talk to her," it seems that she may have just shown up, or that they were getting together as aquaintances anyway. There doesn't seem to be any unusual "setup" to the crime."

which was my point... can you not read?

"Then you said: from my accouts with knowing gays, most of them have problems with their parents (boys especially with their moms) and at the same time, have a severe lack of personal identity. gays on a psychological level are for the most part just people who dont know what they want out of life, and since being gay is rising in popularity, they are finding an easy to get into crowd. they dont have to worry about ability, or looks, or even origin. as long as they are gay, they feel they can "belong" to an increasingly accepted yet mentally and spiritually damaging group and lifestyle.

I'm not sure what to say... except that I strongly disagree. To my casual observations, gays don't have any more "problems" with their parents than anyone else, except for those whose parents cause problems. My relationship with Mom is excellent... except perhaps that she would like me to call more often."

from my determined observation, i say you are wrong. gays come mainly from families with domintating and problematic parents. in case you have never talked to one about their problems, you will notice that most of them have SEVERE problems with their parents. not just arguing, but abuse. now, if you think that all childern undergo this particular type of problem, you yourself have problems.

"My relationship with Mom is excellent... except perhaps that she would like me to call more often.""

unless you are telling me you are gay yourself, this has no relevance.

i am saying, for the most part that homosexuality is a wrong choice made by a troubled mind. if you really think you are not disturbed in any way shape or form that may cause you to lean this way, go on a couch sometime. talk to a shrink. if you come up clean, then i got a lot of crow to eat. but i bet you that almost all gays have severe emotional problems. male or femlae. i made a comment earlier about "are you coming out" and that is only because i didnt read this post first.

"Wait...a woman who harps day in and day out about the evils of gay men and women expects regrets and condolences from her targets? Am I missing something? Don't get me wrong, a human is a human, but why should we expect anything but "good riddances" from the subjects of her scorn? "

who the Hell said she was scorning them? she asked a question in an arguement. they got into that arguement by having a conversation first. they knew each other well enough that they both felt safe doing so. he let her in, or at least gave her a key.

"The news doesn't make much of it, but there are thousands of Christians murdered around the world every year for no reason but that they are Christians.

Are you saying that Christians in America are so bereft of resources that they can't make noise about the murders of thousands of Christians? Why doesn't Robertson report this information? "

actually, what he said was THE NEWS doesnt make a deal of it. we as Christians do make a deal. you people dont listen is the problem.

"We are commanded to share the truth with the all the world, and warned that the world, who hates the Light, will hate us for it. You are merely one more example of the fulfillment of that prophecy.

The really great thing about that belief system is it gives you the rationale to discount conflicting viewpoints. Like the man said, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you."

funny, that same rational can be used against you as well.... stalemate? but wait! the Bible says a third of the world will believe, and the rest will not. care to take a stab at what the worlds percentage of believers happens to be? looks like we have fact on our side.

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