'Gay' Reaction to Mrs. Stachowicz’s Murder: Silence to Applause

'Gay' Reaction to Mrs. Stachowicz’s Murder: Silence to Applause 12/4/2002 By Allyson Smith

"I really don't feel sorry for her. She paid a very steep price for being an arrogant religious fascist. Too bad for her." – "Iris," in a posting on the ACLU Online Forum.

"Quite frankly, if anyone in this case was being ‘persecuted’ it was Mr. Gutierrez. Unfortunately for the victim this was a lesson that she learned too hard and too late. Maybe this will give pause to other people who similarly try to ‘help’ homosexuals." — "Silence Dogood," on ACLU Online Forum.

In the three weeks since Mary Stachowicz was murdered by homosexual Nicholas Gutierrez in Chicago, some pro-homosexualists have reacted with much more sympathy for the ‘gay’ killer than for his Christian victim. In fact, several even have gone as far as saying that Mrs. Stachowicz deserved to die for questioning the man’s lifestyle.

Predictably, the mainstream media and homosexual advocacy organizations have reacted to Mary Stachowicz’s murder the same way they did to 13-year-old Jesse Dirkhising’s torture-murder at the hands of two homosexual men in 1999: by avoiding it. As of December 4, no formal condemnations of Mrs. Stachowicz’s murder have been issued by leading groups such as the Human Rights Campaign, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, or the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Soulforce, a group that works in churches to oppose the traditional Christian view of homosexuality, issued no press statement, but a spokeswoman did give a quote to The Washington Times:

"We condemn this murder, like we do all murders," said Laura Montgomery Rutt, spokeswoman for Soulforce. "A hate crime needs to have an intent to intimidate a whole class of people. If in this case, it was directed at this person and intended to intimidate Christians, that would be a hate crime in my mind."

A devout Catholic, Mary Stachowicz met her martyrdom while working at the Sikorski Funeral Home on Chicago’s northwest side, where she got to know Gutierrez, 19, who lived in a second-floor apartment above the funeral home. On the afternoon of November 13, Stachowicz attended Mass at St. Hyacinth parish across the street, then returned to the funeral home and went to visit Gutierrez in his apartment.

According to Chicago police, an argument broke out when Mrs. Stachowicz lectured Gutierrez about his lifestyle and his lack of direction in life. Gutierrez later told police that he had issues with his mother and that the way Stachowicz was talking to him gave him flashbacks of his mother that angered him.

When Stachowicz asked him, "Why do you [have sex with] boys instead of girls?" Gutierrez snapped. In a fit of rage, he punched, kicked, stabbed and strangled the 51-year-old wife and mother of four. Gutierrez then stuffed her body into a crawl space under the floor of his apartment, where it remained for two days until he confessed to police.

Family members were baffled by Stachowicz’s disappearance. They posted fliers in neighborhoods, and her daughter made a public plea for her safe return.

"My sister is very healthy. She's very stable. She has the closest family you can imagine," Stachowicz’s younger sister, Alice Kosinski, told NBC5.com. "Her faith would not allow for anything out of the ordinary."

After learning of Gutierrez’s confession, Stachowicz’s loved ones agreed that the circumstances of her murder were in keeping with her character. Kosinski told The Chicago Tribune, "Because she's so Catholic, there's no room for being gay in the Catholic Church."

Friend Mary Coleman said, "Those of us who knew her immediately hear her soft voice saying something like, 'God wouldn't approve of the way you're living your life.’ That's how Mary did things."

Rev. Francis Rog of St. Hyacinth Church told ABC 7 Chicago news, "She was a very intense person, concerned about the good of the parish, always seeking things for the poor as well as spiritual welfare for people."

Police recovered Stachowicz’s body on November 15 and charged Gutierrez two days later with first-degree murder, concealing a homicidal death, and burglary for attempting to steal money from Stachowicz’s purse.

Chicago local media reported these events, choosing headlines devoid of the words "gay" or "homosexual." In contrast, several homosexual publications – including Gay.com/PlanetOut.com, Gay People’s Chronicle, and the Washington Blade -- did use "gay" in their headlines.

Gay.com began running the story on November 19, a full week before the first mainstream news story appeared in The Washington Times.

The same day, National Review Online columnist Rod Dreher published a commentary titled These Victims Are People, Too" wherein he lamented "the deafening media silence around the savage murder of Mary Stachowicz" and speculated on its cause:

"One cannot help wondering if the upright citizens who report the news don't privately share the view of gay blogger James Wagner, who said of Stachowicz’s strangling:

The woman who did such great evil is dead, but unfortunately the evil and the church and the society which creates it is not, and it will continue to destroy Nicholas Gutierrez and many others. I shake, safely sitting here at home, fully understanding, and fully familiar with, the horrible impact her words must have had for a man already so terribly damaged by his society, and his own mother.

Dreher added, "I believe many, and probably most, journalists share the unspoken assumption that Christians bring such trouble on themselves."

That assumption appears to be shared by pro-homosexual cyber citizens. A search for "Mary Stachowicz" on message boards, e-mail lists, and Web logs (blogs) turned up several people who reacted viciously toward Stachowicz and Christianity.

For example, James Wagner’s boyfriend, Barry, expressed the hope on his blog that "maybe [Stachowicz’s murder] will strike fear in the hearts of a few fundamentalists" and then asked, "Where do I send a check for his (Gutierrez’s) defense fund?"

James and Barry’s statements drew the following response from fellow homosexual Michael Benedetto:

"I think that if gays are going to continue to have any credibility in politics, our sympathies in cases like this are going to have to lie first and foremost with the victims. And that's one upsetting thing about Barry's and James' posts: Until the criticism started to roll in, the only sympathy they expressed was for the wrong person."

Elsewhere, Benedetto wrote, "[Y]es, the woman (Stachowicz) was clearly a meddlesome b---- who didn't understand that the lives of her co-workers were none of her business. That does not make her any less the victim, or absolve her killer of any of his guilt."

Several posts implied that Stachowicz had brought on her own death. One man wrote to a Yahoo discussion forum, "It's Sad Someone Was Murdered, BUT... ...I do wish the Religious Wrong would learn to mind their own business."

"Iris" wrote to the ACLU Online Forum: "I am in no way condoning this man's behavior. Murder is murder. He should receive life or the death penalty for his actions. But one fact remains ... if she would have been minding her own [expletive] business instead of attempting to ram her religion where it didn't belong, none of this would have ever happened. I really don't feel sorry for her. She paid a very steep price for being an arrogant religious fascist. Too bad for her."

"Silence Dogood" agreed: "I won't go so far as to say that she deserved what she got, no one deserves to die, but I won't exactly be shedding any tears for her. Quite frankly, if anyone in this case was being 'persecuted' it was Mr. Gutierrez. Unfortunately for the victim this was a lesson that she learned too hard and too late. Maybe this will give pause to other people who similarly try to ‘help’ homosexuals."

Other discussions centered on the characteristics of hate crimes. "Real" hate crimes, explained ACLU Online Forum member "morningstar," must be like Matthew Shepard’s murder; they must be premeditated and target a group.

"KingFred" wrote to the MacAddict Forum: "Since (Gutierrez has) already admitted he did the crime, there's no question he should do the time. But ‘hate crime’? Don't see it here. He didn't go out to get himself a Christian. He did in a person who may have been berating him, using her Christian beliefs as ‘weapons'. That doesn't justify what he did by any means, but it may explain it."

Catholic League President William Donohue summed up the problems with hate crimes statutes as illustrated by Mary Stachowicz’s murder in a November 26 press release:

"A few thoughts on this matter: a) this (Mary’s murder) will not be listed as a hate crime, thus showing how useless this category of crime is; b) the killer is going to be charged with a capital offense, thus showing once again how useless this category of crime is; c) Mary Stachowicz will never be remembered the way Matthew Shepard is, thus showing how politically corrupt the whole concept of hate crime legislation really is. The fact is she was murdered for having a Catholic-informed conscience."

Others blamed the Roman Catholic Church for Stachowicz’s murder. On the Naked Writing blog, "JodyW" commented, "Gutierrez is responsible for what he did. So the RCC [Roman Catholic Church] is responsible for continuing to put forth a silly, stupid and factually wrong doctrine of ‘objective disorders’ and ‘intrinsic moral evil’ regarding homosexuality. For all that that evil that that doctrine has done and continues to do, they have a lot to be held accountable for."

Perhaps the cruelest comment of all was this from a San Francisco man on Yahoo: "The b---- had it coming to her. I'm glad he killed her. Too bad he'll probably spend the rest of his life in prison getting his little butt pounded, but still, I'm glad he killed her. The b---- deserved to die."

Mary Stachowicz, nee Frank, devoted wife of Jerry; beloved mother of Peter, Christopher, Angela (Louie) Ruffolo and Daniel; loving daughter of Agnes and the late Rudolf Frank; dear sister of Irene (John) Rog and Alice (Mark) Kosinski. Funeral Tuesday, 9:30 a.m., from Cumberland Chapels, 8300 W. Lawrence Ave., Norridge, to St. Hyacinth Church, Mass 11 a.m. Interment St. Adalbert Cemetery.

Four pages of condolences accompanied the obituary, where former classmates, co-workers and other family friends left messages of sympathy for Mary’s tragic demise.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that, after Mary’s death, Alderwoman Vilma Colom (35th) introduced a city council resolution in her memory. "She lost her life in an unselfish attempt to help a very disturbed young man, and for that she should be remembered," said Colom, who goes to the same church Stachowicz did.

Mary’s sister, Alice Kosinski, told the Chicago Tribune that her sister's death is difficult for everyone in her family to fathom.

"We're not doing that well," she said. "It just doesn't make any sense, and somehow we're going to have to make our peace with it."

I am posting this to you, but I would like answers from anyone.

Why do you think the situation (for lack of a better word) arisen regarding homosexuals? In other words, why has it become so hate filled?

I will admit I am older than most here and having lived in the boonies, sans TV until I was 15, I led a sheltered childhood. Now we knew there were men who preferred men, we called them the 'Q-word' - it was all we knew. We, or I, had absolutely no concept of the actual physical aspect of that kind of relationship - we knew Rock Hudson was 'one'- and that 'they wore green on Thursday'. I am trying to show how ignorant we were of the whole thing.

Yet after I was grown and married, when homosexuality became a big topic -while discussing it with my mother, she told me two of my male teachers were homosexual - did not live together as in residing together - but were a 'couple'. Everyone in town, adults apparently, knew it and it made no difference. Now these were both great teachers. Their lifestyle just never was part of the picture.

This was a very staunch, staid, mostly Baptist area - farmers, ranchers, salt-of-the-earth type people. Why do you think they accepted this? .I have often thought, however, of the oddity that a group of 'unenlightened'(not liberal, I mean) Christians, mostly Baptist, reacted, or didn't react, in this way. Any thoughts? Is it because there more homosexuals today than there were in the dark ages of my youth? Is it because THEY made no issue of it? Is it because all of us (children) were so unaware of it, so were not affected? Any ideas?

This is not in support of homosexual behavior - because I don't. I feel it is wrong - counterproductive and dangerous

from my accouts with knowing gays, most of them have problems with their parents (boys especially with their moms) and at the same time, have a severe lack of personal identity. gays on a psychological level are for the most part just people who dont know what they want out of life, and since being gay is rising in popularity, they are finding an easy to get into crowd. they dont have to worry about ability, or looks, or even origin. as long as they are gay, they feel they can "belong" to an increasingly accepted yet mentally and spiritually damaging group and lifestyle.

I'll testify to that. I worked a second job overnight at Home Depot and worked with several lesbians. Since I am a follower of Christ's declaration to love the sinner but hate the sin, I became somewhat close to these lesbians. Enough so that they would confide in me about their issues with their partners. I can tell you without fear of contradiction that none of them were at peace, none of them were happy, and always wanted to turn issues into a "gay thing". I lent an ear so they could talk but never gave any help back since I really couldn't.

don't be surprised. there are plenty of secular extremists here at FR. they'd outlaw every aspect of public religious life in America if they could. they are no different than the nazi-like militant homos. they throw the fascist labels around routinely but fail to see that it is they that are the fascist. I've even been told that simply telling someone that I am a Christian is evangelizing.

"I cannot subscribe to the notion of a loving God who places children into a situation where they 'learn' homosexuality, and then exhorts believers to tell these people they are sinning. It's like setting up an evil game, and I just don't thing a good God would do that. "

then subscribe to the notion that God gave us free-will. which makes Him ther ultimate will and testimony of wisdom. their is evil in the world. a controlling, unloving God would not allow it to be. but by giving us the freedom to choose our destinies, He is showing the ultimate compassion.

If you love something, let it go. When it comes back, it loves you as well.

don't think that God could not exist or that everything you ever believed in may be false because some people made the wrong choice. be glad God gave you the choices in the first place.

And homosexuals, "sensitive" creatures that they are, generally abhor violence and those that celebrate it.

First four commentaries I found on a google search described Stachowicz as a 'cruel woman', asked how they could contribute to the defense fund, and said we should look to the root cause, which is 'homophobia'. Maybe y'all who abhor violence are just being too sensitive, and should raise your voices a little.

from my accouts with knowing gays, most of them have problems with their parents (boys especially with their moms) and at the same time, have a severe lack of personal identity.

Most women I know have some level of difficulty with their parents, and especially their moms. It does not suprise me that gay men have some of the same issues. gays on a psychological level are for the most part just people who dont know what they want out of life, and since being gay is rising in popularity, they are finding an easy to get into crowd. they dont have to worry about ability, or looks, or even origin. as long as they are gay, they feel they can "belong" to an increasingly accepted yet mentally and spiritually damaging group and lifestyle.

I could not get an erection for another man simply because it gave me something to do. A person simply can not direct their sexual desires in whatever direction they wish. Now maybe you can ask people to just keep it in their pants, and that's appropriate when talking about pedophiles. But I don't see why gays should be denied the sexual satisfaction everybody else enjoys.

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