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Today's FEEBLE attempt at humor:

Thanksgiving Cookbook

by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class

NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills
resulting from use of her cookbook.

Ivette -- Banana Pie: You buy some bananas and crust. Then you
mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.

Russell -- Turkey: You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven
for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.

Geremy -- Turkey: You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then
you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it
with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the
neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half
an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.

Andrew -- Pizza: Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then
you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Shelby -- Applesauce: Go to the store and buy some apples, and
then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says,
"Applesauce." Then you eat it.

Meghan H. -- Turkey: You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave
it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. You take it out and
let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.

Danny -- Turkey: You put some salt on it to make it taste good.
Then you put it in the oven. Then you cook it for an hour at 5
degrees. Then you eat it.

Brandon -- Turkey: First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut
it up and cook it for 15 hours at 200 degrees. Then you take it
out and eat it.

Megan K -- Chicken: You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25
degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.

Christa -- Cookies: Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out.
Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take
them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.

Irene -- Turkey: Put it on a plate and put it in the oven with
gravy. You cook it for 1 minute and for 100 degrees. Then it's
all cooked. Your mom or dad cuts it and then eat.

Moriah -- Turkey: First you cut the bones out. Then you put it in
the oven for 10 hours at 600 degrees. Then you put it on the
table and eat it.

Vincent -- Turkey: You cut and put sauce on it. Then you cook it
for 18 minutes at 19 degrees. Then you eat it with stuffing.

Jordyn -- Turkey: First you have to cut it up and put it on a
plate in the oven for 9 minutes and 18 degrees. Then you dig it
out of the oven and eat it.

Grace -- Turkey: First you add some salt. Then you put it in a
bowl. Then you put brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all
together with a spoon and then you add some milk and mix it
again. And then you put it in a pan. Then you put it in the oven
for 15 minutes and 16 degrees. Then you take it out of the oven
and then you eat it.

Alan -- Turkey: First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then
you put it in the oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20 degrees.
You put it on plates and then you eat it.

Jordan Salvatore -- Turkey: First you put it in the oven for 15
minutes at 100 degrees. Then you cut it up and then you eat it.

Jordan Simons -- Chocolate Pudding: Buy some chocolate pudding
mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then
you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it
to get hard. Then you eat it.

Whitney -- Turkey: Cut it and put it in the oven for 50 minutes
at 60 degrees and then you eat it.

Jason -- Chicken Pie: Put the chicken in the pot and put the
salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together.
Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you
cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christopher -- Pumpkin Pie: First you buy a pumpkin and smash it.
Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes
and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christine -- Turkey: First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it
for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.

Ashley -- Chicken: Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat
it.

Jennie -- Corn: My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook
it. Then you eat it.

Jordan -- Cranberry Pie: Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put
berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then
you eat it.

Adam -- Pumpkin Pie: First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in
a pan and bake it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes. Then take it out
and eat it. Jarryd -- Deer Jerky: Put it in the oven overnight at
20 degrees. Then you go hunting and bring it with you. Then you
eat it.

Christina -- Turkey: Get the turkey. Put it in the oven. Cook it
for 43 minutes at 35 degrees. Put it on a plate, cut it up, then
eat it.

Joplyn -- Apple Pie: Take some apples, mash them up. Take some
bread and make a pie with it. Get some dough and squish it. Shape
the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake it at
9 degrees for 15 minutes.

Isabelle -- Spaghetti: Put those red things in it. Then put the
spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8
degrees.

Bailey -- Chicken: Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour
at 60 degrees. Then eat it.

Nicholas -- White and Brown Pudding: First you read the wrapper.
Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.

Sean -- Turkey: Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees.
Take it out and eat it.

Lauren -- Turkey: First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it
open. Put it in a pan. Pour milk in the pan. Put a little chicken
with it. Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board.
Cut into little pieces. Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7
minutes at 10 degrees. Take out of the oven and put eensy weensy
bit of sugar on it. Put a little more salsa on it. Then you eat
it.

Olivia -- Corn: Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8
minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.

Siera -- Pumpkin Pie: Get some pumpkin and dough for the crust.
Get pumpkin pie cinnamon. Cook it for 20 minutes at 10 degrees.

Kayla -- Turkey: Buy it. Take it home. Then you cook it. Put it
in the oven for 1 hour. Take it out of the oven. Put it on a
plate. Then you eat it.

Tommy -- Pumpkin: Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the
pumpkin.

Wai -- Pumpkin Pie: Get a pumpkin. Cook it. Eat it.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
If the chicken crossed the road on my property, I would be fully justified in blocking its exit until the local authorities could arrive to arrest it for trespassing. I am a private person and should not have to be subjected to the "innocent mistakes" of common chickens.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook--- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to Trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said Unto the chicken," Thou shalt cross the road" and the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Please help yourselves.

Cranberry relish Sweet potatoes Mashed Potatoes Green bean Corn Bread Roast Turkey

Casserole Stuffing w/ gravy

Carving a turkey breast and more fun turkey tips at www.eatturkey.com

Homemade pumpkin pie and whipped cream, or...

Pecan pie.

Relish trays, fresh baked rolls and beverages of choice w/ free refills...along with seconds and special requests filled for anyone's traditional Thanksgiving favorite from home.

Grace For Thanksgiving Day

Dear God, wherever we may be...

On this Thanksgiving Day...

Gathered with loved ones in our homes...

Or many miles away...

We bow our heads, remembering those...

Who shared Thanksgiving past...

Those who have walked with us awhile...

Whose love will always last...

We thank Thee for the joy of friends...

The food before us set...

And for a tiny Pilgrim band...

Whose trials we can't forget...

Help us to sift the good and bad...

The hatred and the strife...

Grant us the wisdom and the strength...

To lead a useful life. Amen.

Alice Kennelly Roberts

A special thanks
for all of our troops
serving away from home
this Thanksgiving.

Bless you.