"Yes, he is. Look, his littl' feet have been nailed to the perch."
- Monte Python
The preacher said he had a parrot that prayed all the time. Maybe if they put the two together, the devout parrot could help clean up the foul-mouthed fowl's vocabulary.
So they put the naughty bird in the pious bird's cage.
Of course, the first thing it said was, "I'm a whore from Chicago!"
"Thank God, my prayers have been answered!" said the other bird.
"Well, this parrot speaks but it is the rudest, most obscene bird I've ever seen"
Well Bill thought "I'm sure I can retrain the bird" so he paid for the bird and took it home.
They started an intense retraining program involving soft music, kind words and treats but the parrot was still ill mannered.
Bill grew frustrated and tried a different tack. Every time the bird swore he'd hit it or throw water on it, he'd find some way to punish it and change it's behavior. But nothing worked.
So one day while Bill was on the phone to his girlfriend the bird said some very rude and obscene things about her in the background. His girlfriend over heard and dumped him on the spot.
Needless to say Bill was now ticked. This bird had cost him money and sleep and peace and now his girlfriend. He reached into the cage and grabbed the bird and in a fit of rage shoved it into the freezer. He could hear the bird screaming and swearing a blue streak and suddenly it went silent.
Bill calmed down and went to get the bird to see what had happened. He opened the freezer door and the parrot very calmy stepped out onto his hand and walked up to his shoulder.
The parrot then began to speak. "Master, I realize that my behavior has been unacceptable and that it has caused you discomfort. I promise that I will be much better behaved from now one. Can I ask one question though?"
Bill said "Sure."
So the parrot continued. "If I may be so bold as to ask, What did the chicken do?"
God Save America (Please)