A blue stater, for sure. Maybe kin to that oracle of oral flatulence, Michael Moore?
Posted on 11/25/2002 9:10:52 AM PST by stainlessbanner
As if we did not have enough problems already what with fire ants, alligators and the inescapable fact that Katherine Harris is our new congresswoman, a new study has concluded that Florida is the fourth dumbest state in the nation.
Morgan Quitno Press, a Lawrence, Kan.,-based research and publishing company, determined which states were the smartest and dumbest by figuring the per capita number of pickup trucks flying Confederate flags multiplied by the number of people who use the word "bagel" as an adjective as in "That's a bagel bowl of grits you got there."
Actually, Morgan Quitno did no such thing. The company determined which states were the smartest and dumbest by measuring the quality of elementary and secondary education. (My way would have been easier, I bet, and probably would have yielded the same results.)
Criteria included such things as per-pupil expenditures, public high school graduation rates, average class size, teacher salaries and reading and math proficiency.
According to the 2002 rankings, Connecticut is the smartest state, followed by Vermont, Montana, New Jersey and Maine. The dumbest state, or 50th smartest state if you prefer, was New Mexico, followed by Louisiana, Mississippi, FLORIDA and Nevada.
This is the first time that Morgan Quitno has compiled a smartest state list, so it's impossible to tell if we're smarter or dumber than we were a few years ago. Contrary to all visual evidence, Florida is slightly more livable today than it was 11 years ago. A Morgan Quitno study of livability ranked Florida third from the bottom in 1991 (Mississippi was the worst) but promoted it to 39th best in 2002. (Minnesota was ranked the most livable state, which just goes to show that shoveling snow and frostbite are more fun than we thought.)
I'm not sure what we can do about our livability ranking other than putting the whole state under an air-conditioned dome, but I have some ideas on how we can move up the ladder in the smartness department.
For starters, we need to stop holding elections. It is one thing for our students to have low math and reading scores. It is another thing entirely to demonstrate to the world that we are too stupid to punch holes in pieces of paper. I realize that the last election was, by Floriduh standards, more or less trouble-free. Still, I don't think we can depend on future elections to run as smoothly. The people of my generation, the accursed Baby Boomers, are getting older and more whacked-out by the minute to the point that we are only a year or two away from confusing a ballot with an Early Bird Special. (It is unclear whether a dribble of mashed potatoes will count for the Republicans or the Democrats.)
We Floridians can also improve our smartness quotient by refusing to plant any more citrus trees in our backyards. We have far more citrus now than anyone can possibly eat, so planting more trees is just another signal to others that our lights are on but nobody's home. At this very moment, in my office, people are hauling in grocery bags full of oranges and grapefruits (mostly grapefruits) to give away to their co-workers. The problem is that the co-workers also have bags of citrus sitting on their desks that they hope to give away. In New York, when you're stopped at a traffic light, people appear unbidden and begin washing your windshield. In Florida, you stop for a traffic light and people appear unbidden and shovel tangelos and ruby-red grapefruit through your open window.
This sort of thing almost never happens in Connecticut, which could explain why it's the smartest state.
If education rankings were based on standardized test scores alone, here is your top 5 smarty states:
1. Iowa
2. North Dakota
3. South Dakota
4. Nebraska
5. Montana
Oddly enough, all are considered ed $ misers.
This is a shining example of Media bias, if ever I've seen one!
Translation: hopelessly unrestrained spending.
"...an emphasis on excellence in the classroom..."
Translation: an emphasis on teacher seniority rules.
"...and support of safe..."
Translation: support of unconstitutional "gun-free" school zones and "zero-tolerance" policies.
"...well-run public schools..."
Translation: overburdened with highly-paid union bureaucrats.
Sorry, I read the first sentence and "moved on".
LOL you have just caused a lot of baseball fans in New Mexico to start celebrating!
A blue stater, for sure. Maybe kin to that oracle of oral flatulence, Michael Moore?
My favorite one being the guy who decided to take action one day against a hive of Africanized "killer" bees in his backyard. After downing a six-pack or two, he got out his flame-thrower and torched the little buggers. Unfortunately for him, quite a large number of the bees surivived the ordeal, and the Texan became a statistic.
Pure crappola. The four biggest cities in Connecticut spend about $10,000 per student per year. What isn't stated is that the bulk of this money is spent on student-social programs such as free breakfasts, free lunches, daycare for junior high and senior high school student's children, substance abuse problem programs, security to keep the thugs out etc. The schools however, are in terrible shape and they are using outdated books.
The suburbs spent about $4000 per student per year, yet they provide a better education. There was a lawsuit several years ago in which the plantiff claimed that Hartford schools are segregated because Hartford is mostly black. They won their case and now the state government has to figure out how to desegregate the Hartford schools by mixing the Hartford school population with the suburban school population.
Connecticut the smartest state? Hardly, we've just got the most expensive schools and some of the most irresponsible students and administrators.
Underneath the sign there's a little plaque that says "ELK".
Don't look like an elk to me.
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