Canuckleheads: Wimps in a world of tough guys

Toronto Sun ^ | 11.12.02 | Gary Dunford

[mhking]

November 12, 2002

Canuckleheads

Wimps in a world of tough guys

By GARY DUNFORD -- Toronto Sun

IRAQAPHOBIA: If the Americans launch a surprise strike on Toronto tonight, blow up the CN Tower and a hockey arena or two, might Canadian politicians blink? Get aboard the War-on-Terror Express? Cheer the next chopper into Baghdad?

"A little invasion is precisely what Canada needs," claims Jonah Goldberg in the new National Review, whose hilarious cover displays four Mounties on horseback and the delightful headline, Wimps! It's right up there with The Sun's own memorable front pages: Bastards! Dink! It's a grabber.

"Canada has responded (in the past) to real threats with courage and conviction," admits the 33-year-old editor of NatReview Online and rising cable news talking head. "If the U.S. were to launch a quick raid, blow up some symbolic but unoccupied structure -- Toronto's CN Tower or an empty hockey stadium -- Canada would re-arm overnight."

Oh, if wishes were horses we could all go campin', little buddy. You want buttermilk pancakes for breakfast? More coffee?

"Canada is quite simply, not a serious country anymore," Goldberg declares. "It (embraces) not just anti-Americanism but also the belief Western nations don't need military might ... If al-Qaida launched a Sept. 11-style attack from Canadian soil, we would have two choices: Ask Canada to take charge, or take charge ourselves."

Call in the Buffalo National Guard! Declare martial law! Especially if it's February and Mayor Mel has our Canadian Forces shovelling snow. Can we still afford shovels? God help us if we have to dig out with sticks.

Right-wing gab

Ignore for a moment that none of the 9/11 terrorists came from beaverland.

But the alarming NatReview cover -- "Canada's whiny and weak anti-Americanism" -- hot on the heels of Pat Buchanan's "Canuckistan" comments on us northern commies? Plus Secretary of Scares John Ashcroft's delightful we-don't-need-your-stinkin'-passports photo op at Niagara Falls last week?

"Heck, Dunf," I hear the chorus, "it's just a few right-wing soldiers blowing smoke." Hello! Did you notice who got control of the U.S. Senate and House last week? And Ashcroft ain't a soldier. He's a general.

Clearly, our neighbours are unhappy. Where do you imagine this stuff comes from? Thin air? Or the never-pink think-tanks George W. and his funsters-in-charge value most? Like Lassie, maybe they're tryin' to tell us something.

"Now don't get me wrong -- I like Canadians," Goldberg scopes. "They are often among the nicest and most decent people you'd ever want to meet. They just don't live in a normal country."

Can I see a show of hands? Amen to that.

Telltale signs to the Yanks that Canada is not a normal country? Goldberg's take ...

• Moral superiority fantasy ... "The Canadians have for a while now taken it upon themselves to be a 'moral superpower,' not a military superpower ... it leads to knee-jerk and cost-free preachiness rather than any attempt at real sacrifices." The idea of Liberals as morally superior to anybody is a stretch, pal. But it is cheap.
  
  
• Apologists ... "Unfortunately, Jean Chretien's Canada believes that any problem can be talked away and that 'Canadian resolve' is defined as 'standing up' to the United States while apologizing for Iraq and the poor, downtrodden peoples who enjoy blowing people up." What Goldberg identifies as purpose -- is it more likely we're just adrift?
  
  Morals lost
  
  
  • Multiculturalism ... "The problem with this (ailment) is that it saps your moral and intellectual self-confidence. If you're unwilling to condemn people, 'Who am I to judge?' eventually becomes 'it is impossible to judge.' This is one reason Canada has lost the ability to put forth a positive moral national vision." Guess Goldberg has never been held captive by hyphenated-nationals. They vote.
    
    
    • Self-obsession ... "This underscores the massive, spine-bending chip the Canadians have on their shoulders ... I was simply staggered by the obsession Canadians have with the United States: About their superiority, about America's problems compared to Canada's, about how Canadians know so much about America but Americans know nothing about Canada." Hey, it fills the long nights between October and March. It takes our minds off gridlock, hydro rates and recycling.
      
      Easy to dismiss Goldberg as the son of Linda Tripp's publisher -- source of Monica Lewinsky's sex escape confessions -- or boss of a small-but-influential political mag's Web presence or yet another of the right-wing's merry pranksters.
      
      Harder by far to consider these hot ideas in George Bush's bubble pot. How did Britain -- an island off a continent 8,000 km away -- become America's best pal? Or the maple syrup marvel next door get on the s--t list as whiner, foot-dragger and suspect? Who screwed that up? Names, please.
      
      Does "wimps" even begin to describe it?

[ohioman]

Lol. You are right about Vancouver. It is a beautiful city. I was pissed when the X-files quit filming there and moved to Kalifornia.

[WaterDragon]

A few minutes ago I caught the tail-end of a tv news report that a vehicle had crashed through the barriers at the Canadian border and no one knows why or where the vehicle and its occupants are.

Has anyone else heard anything about this?

[gcruse]

 I once had some dumb Newfie try to tell me that France was
the world's oldest democracy.

Back in the seventies, as a newly landed immigrant
I was amused by the reaction I got from Torontonians
noticing my accent and asking where I was from.

If I said I was from the US, I got a cold shoulder.
If I told them I was from Texas, it was excited
friendliness, and what was the wild west really like?
Hate Americans, love Texans.  Uhmmm, ok.

[Billthedrill]

Well, I look at it this way - Toronto took Jose Cruz Jr from the Ms and gave us Spoljarak and Timlin in return.

Nuke 'em, eh.

[canuck_conservative]

Yeah, the border "crashing" occurred yesterday afternoon (Sunday).

Apparently some bozo in a red civic was waiting at the Blaine border line-up (south of Vancouver), saw an unused lane, roared thru, and hopped onto I-5 - made a clean get-away! He even did it so fast that the cameras couldn't clearly read his license plate.

This doesn't look to good for the US border security, eh?

(BTW, I also live in Vancouver, and am also hoping for BC AND Alberta to separate from the Eastern Tyranny!!!)

[Trajan88]

Canadians need to get with the program... it is a pitcher of beer, not a jug of beer.

To be politically correct though, I love jugs :-)

Trajan88; TAMU Class of '88

[calenel]

"I once had some dumb Newfie try to tell me that France was the world's oldest democracy."

I had a similar experience:

I was on a Canadian board and a Canadian poster claimed that Canada is the largest country in the world. I gently pointed out that "no, Russia is actually the largest." He said that "Russia used to be, but since the Soviet Union broke up, now Canada is the largest." I said "no, Russia is still the largest, and here are the stats from the CIA Worldbook to prove it." He then said that I "have too much time" on my hands and "obviously have no life," and that he wasn't going to talk to me any more.

[Tribune7]

where else are you going to find the most beautiful city in North America,

The most beautiful city in North America is Chester, Pa.!

[Eric in the Ozarks]

I have to disagree. Canada is neat just they way it is. From my perspective, east and west are just a little bit European, although Calgarians must be Europeans from Montana. I get to Calgary, Regina and Toronto regularly, and love it all. I don't want a chunk of Canada attached to the US.

[Canadian Outrage]

That trade sounds like a plan!!

[Canadian Outrage]

No attachments per se, just good trades!! get with the program 'k! LOL

[Canadian Outrage]

Vancouver is a MUCH different city than when I lived there. I did my grade 12, 1 year at UBC and then got my nursing degree at VGH. I don't think a Svend Robinson in those days would have survived period. He is SUCH an embarassment and abomination. And I thought it was East Vancouver most of the whackjobs, eg. Glen Clark, the union crowd, Georgetti and of course little Svend. I wish they would ship him out somewhere and there is definitely something wrong with the people who would vote for him. Kitsalano is jus the artsy area isn't it??? Course they can be pretty weird too. btw I went to Magee High School. Do you know it??

[Canadian Outrage]

re: your post #27 - sounds like you ran into a typical Easterner.!! He certainly fits the description of a canucklehead.

[calenel]

"This is precisely what I want but the US government is going to have to extend the invitation in order to galvanise the public mind out here."

Won't happen. What might happen is that an invitation would be extended if the Provinces were already independent, but that isn't all that probable, either. The US government won't take any action that would "destabilize" Canada. The provinces will have to initiate the statehood process (unless things get really bad, such as in a civil war or total collapse of the Canadian government).

What about local action, like a media blitz in the western provinces, done by Canadians who live there, with letters to the editor of your regional papers, bulk mailings, rallies and so on, to promote public awareness of the possibility? I think you would have to state right out that the first move would be up to the people of the provinces in question. A concerted letter writing campaign to the politicians in your province might at least get the question on the table.

Just think of the benefits - direct representation, in Washington, no work visas for the US, no tariffs, lower taxes, more local autonomy on things like guns. Of course, you would have to give up your "world class" state-provided universal health care...

[WaterDragon]

I don't blame you. We'll take any Canadians ready to give up state-health care, no nanny government!

Thanks for the update!

[calenel]

"sounds like you ran into a typical Easterner.!! He certainly fits the description of a canucklehead."

I tell you, I was flabbergasted. So brainwashed by the socialist indoctrination machine of public education that he couldn't accept the truth even when presented with documented evidence. I puzzled over the question of why this kid could not accept that Canada was "only" the second largest country in the world, and am still not sure I have a good answer, but I think it has to do with Identity Crisis.

[afuturegovernor]

Yeah, Mississippians is a word :^)

[HoustonCurmudgeon]

While I was born and now live in Texas, I lived for three years in Calgary. Western Canada is filled with wonderful, hard working, friendly people who would be a great asset to the United States. There is plenty of room for four or five more stars on our flag! Come on down.

[watcher1]

Pat Buchanan's "Canuckistan" comments

OK. Who's got Pat's email address?
I demand he give me ( and FR) credit for inventing and first using the word!