The Worst American Cars - POLL

Forbes ^ | 10.21.02 | Michael Frank

[wallcrawlr]

In the Vehicles section we have had the privilege to glory in many amazing new and vintage automobiles.

But what about the duds?

What about the cars that never should have been made? The ones that, no matter how prescient their creators thought they were when they conceived these cars, were clearly either aesthetically ghastly, deeply mechanically flawed, or both?

That list could be quite long. Don't forget, there were thousands of car companies in the first half of the last century, many of which died because they cranked out substandard machines; the rest croaked either from the dire economic times in the Depression or shortly after the war, when the likes of General Motors made it impossible to compete.

But we prefer to focus on the duds we know and love to hate. That'd be the classic bombs of the post-war years, cars that had no business rolling down the highway--ever--and yet some of which became big sellers despite having hideous designs, awful engineering, wretched build quality, and sometimes all three.

By the way, we are aware that some of the cars on this list weren't the last of their kind, but they are here to remind us of just how bad it got, how wrong car design and production could be.

And we also know that this list is far from complete. So you should vote in the adjacent pole to add your two cents to our dud car list.

Finally, we are well aware that some readers will be terribly put off because they drove their high school sweetheart to prom in one of these dread creations (or they've got the same car up on blocks in the garage right now, just waiting for another paycheck to afford more fiberglass bodywork and another set of chrome wheels). But where's the fun if we don't offend? Remember, one man's trash is another man's treasure (hence the wonder of capitalism).

The Edsel was the ultimate DOA car, but contrary to common opinion, this was more a function of market segmenting and changing tastes than of purely bad styling. And of course it doesn't help that it was ugly. The vertical front grille of the Edsel looked like a big nose that divided the otherwise relatively conventional front of the car, and the front and back styling made even the 350hp V-8 version look slow. By the time Ford decided to restyle the Edsel in 1959, the car's sales had slid off a cliff and that was the end of Edsel.

There were a whopping 52 service bulletins (many requiring recalls) for this bastard-child car born of an unfortunate need by Maserati for ready cash and Chrysler's willingness to turn a LeBaron into a Maserati. Not only was a 3.0-liter V-6 a criminal concept for a supposed Italian exotic (putting out a pathetic 141 horsepower), but so was the American sheetmetal. Then there were the many mechanical nightmares from blown clutches and engines to leaking roofs. This car cost double the sticker on the LeBaron and broke twice as often. After all, it was Italian, right?

Sure, the nifty-looking Corvair had some good points. Like a Porsche 911, its engine was air-cooled, and resided in the back, to provide extra rear-wheel traction. Too bad its flat-six engine biased the weight of the early cars so far aftward that the steering became very light at highway speeds; and it sure didn't help that the gas tank was mounted up front, so if you did wreck--Ka Boom! If only the design had been better executed. Bummer. (Watch out, here come the nasty letters from all those Corvair fans!)

There were four-door Mavericks and two-doors. There was a Mercury version called the Comet. There were vinyl-topped models, too. What they had in common was that they were built on platform designs heavily prone to rust (this was the early days of unit-body cars) and weak-kneed in-line six engines. But the cars were cheap and therefore, popular, especially in the gas-crisis years. Not that we think the Maverick is necessarily as bad as what came afterward--the abysmal Fox-platform Futura/Fairmont, and the Grenada, which was still based on the Maverick platform, and so carried forward all the bad-handling traits and massive rustability to boot.

With a 2.8-liter V-6 and front-wheel drive, this was GM's attempt to take on the likes of Honda and Toyota. GM also shared this so-called X-body setup (of the Citation) with Olds (Omega) Buick (Skylark) and Pontiac (Phoenix). The differences were basically in body style, not fundamental mechanics. Naturally, because the cars looked futuristic and because they got decent mileage, the Citation and its brethren were a huge hit (800,000 Citations sold in 1980). But to meet demand GM let quality slip, so problems like faulty brakes and steering plagued Citations and led to a steep drop in quality--and sales.

In a desperate attempt to reach a younger demographic, Cadillac revamped its classic Eldorado to look less like a classic Caddy road yacht and more like a two-door version of the ill-conceived four-door Cadillac Cimarron. Demand for the new Caddy fell (big surprise), and only a year after introduction production sank to just under 18,000 units. Did it matter that you could get a V-8 in the Caddy and not in the other GM look-alikes? Nope. It took another 16 years of awful versions (2002 will be the last year of the Eldo) but the decline all started back in 1986.

In the early 1980s American Motors Corporation (before it was absorbed by Chrysler) and French-maker Renault teamed up to make some really awful cars but none as bad as the Fuego. Thankfully, the relationship died out--and today AMC no longer exists and Renault hasn't set foot on American shores since. The Fuego's screamed "car of the future" but it was more like a bad omen. It came in a sporty turbo edition and even handled decently. But its odd appearance and legendarily short-prone electrical system (and no-go engine) soon had customers saying "au revoir."

Hands down probably one of the ugliest, if not the ugliest, car car ever made. When the car went into production it was discovered that the rotary motor had serious quality issues, so at the last second AMC had to switch to an in-line six, which also required widening the car and scrapping the front-wheel drive setup. The width helped: Handling was fairly impressive and huge doors made the car practical. The car sold well, but after the first year it became apparent that the car was too heavy, too goofy, and far too unreliable. Did we mention its looks?

Were the designers at AMC blind? How could they consistently turn out so many hideous cars? While the Gremlin enjoyed the distinction of being the first U.S.-made subcompact, its V-8, which was introduced right when the oil-crunch hit, hurt it. People wanted little four-cylinder models, not cars that were funny looking, small and oddly powerful. It also didn't help that initially it came only as a coupe. Later, AMC would later add a four-door but the problem was really with the looks. It didn't matter that the Gremlin was more reliable and sportier (in many guises) than the equally lame Ford Pinto--it was just uglier.

We're not knocking all GTOs by any means. The GTOs from the 1960s were great but by the time pollution and fuel-consumption standards had been put in effect in the early 1970s GM didn't have an answer. Its huge but inefficient V-8s were no match for all the smog-limiting hosiery that had to be attached; power and performance both dropped, but mileage didn't go up. Then in 1972 the GTO became an option--not even a model--of the Pontiac LeMans. By 1974 it was just a badge-job Chevy Nova, a disguise nobody bought (literally or figuratively) and the GTO finally bit the dust that year.

The best thing you could say about this car is that at least they got the scale right. It was meant as an answer to Honda and Toyota's fuel-sippers, and it was a small four-seater. But besides getting good mpg the Chevette was a really badly made, poorly assembled car. Rust, major mechanical failures, leaks--it had it all. It was also no fun to drive (unlike those Japanese cars like the early Accords) and gutless. Some people thought Chevettes were cute, though. Who could resist one with glued-on faux wood panels like this one?

If only. If only the Eagle Wagon weren't such a dog. If only Chrysler had changed the body styling in the late 1980s and made it a Jeep, not an Eagle. See, the Eagle was the original Outback off-road wagon, but came out a decade and a half before Subaru thought of the notion. Sadly, the Eagle had an old, inefficient six-cylinder motor (only capable of 110hp), a body borrowed from old AMC Hornets, and a clunky, three-speed automatic licensed from Chrysler. Talk about missed opportunities.

The Chevrolet Caprice got a new, fuel-efficient 250-cubic-inch engine and earned an EPA rating of 22 mpg on the highway. That was pretty impressive, but the beasts wallowed in corners and required great attention to go straight at speed. Later Caprices got V-8 engines and were restyled to become Caprice Classics in the later '80s. But even these faster cars understeered in the extreme and sent every road dent and pothole reverberating from the suspension straight to your clenched-in-anticipation jaw. The fact that they were also one of the most boring-looking cars ever designed didn't help either.

[Hacksaw]

Hahahahaha!!! I had a good friend in HS who had a Gremlin - he was teased mercilessly about it, yet he insisted it was a great car.

I am sure he paid twice in parts for it than the price he bought it used.

He had bad luck with cars - his next was a buick regal which he had to replace the engine not once but twice.

[PoorMuttly]

Another HIDEOUS MANIFESTATION was tuning that charming Oldsmobile, since the manifolds and exhaust pipe lengths were so different, side to side.

You had to have been there. Be Veewwwwyyyy Affwaaiidd...

[singletrack]

I've got a 2002 Aztec and so far love it. With rebates and etc you can get one for about 18K.Its NOT a real off road machine but has the room of a mini van, with taller wheels.I'll drive an ugly truck before ANY mini vans.Pussy wagons, every one. V6, auto, air, abs,cd all standard (and ALL options on the Saturn VUE, my other choice).Just the most truck out there for the money.GM has hacked the price just to get people to LOOK at them.I did place a nice large laser cut NASA logo on the back.Martian firetruck is the family nickname so far..

[Gil4]

What, no Mercury Comet?

It's in there - the Ford Maverick has a note about it being the same as the Comet

[CWRWinger]

Ford Tempo(It costs more to tow than you get in salvage)

That's because you had an automatic and never changed the oil.

[pollwatcher]

Whatta great topic! I instantly recognized the Aztec as simply a Gremlin on steroids. The Hideous Gremlin seemed to be the number one College-kid First-Car in the tacky 70's (then succeeded by the Chevelle and the Omni). But "Wayne's World" did a good job on the Pacer!

But I loved the old Corvairs - my aunt used to drive one.

Here is my original vote - I once had a loaner car called the "Magnum." One over-scaled, heavy-metal, Sinkeroo Car!

[pollwatcher]

You'll notice that discounts and specials are popping up on Aztecs. Also, they're the prizes in contests. This is what happened to the Edsel - most of the later owners didn't buy one, they won them!

Maybe they actually run well and are versatile, but I wouldn't want to be seen in one. Ever.

[Solson]

Can I place a vote for ALL american cars? :)

[doodad]

I'm with you. GM killed the camaro and kept the Aztec. Stupid looking vehicle. And its new baby brother whatever that thing is called.

[GBA]

"Sometimes had to start it by setting fire to paper on top of carb."

Oh man, that's funny! hahahaha!!

[GBA]

If you've got the money, look for a Toyota 4Runner.

[MoralSense]

Actually, I think the current Eldos look great. They aren't the classic, I'll give you that, but hey, I love Caddies. Except that squat-backed Seville. Love the line about "the way a dog looks taking a crap." To me, it looked like an alligator dragging its tail.

[lmr]

Best car I have ever owned: '99 Chevy Suburban (Still own, love it!) I am also partial to my '91 Buick Century, it has been (so far) the most reliable. Worst car I have ever owned: '70 Pontiac Excecutive, I called it the "green beast"

[nomoreheroes]

Haven't seen my first car yet on this list: The Renault LeCar. http://www.austinev.org/evalbum/048a.jpg

[Hank Rearden]

I have never been able to figure out why anyone would buy this vehicle over something else.

The AztecO'Crap is obviously designed by morons, and is targeted at fellow morons for whom this would be their first vehicle after their skateboard.

The Rad Dudes. You may know them as . . . . . morons. They also star in Mountain Dew commercials.

[EngineerDaddio]

I can not believe that 42 years after the Edsel disappeared, we are still using that as an example of the biggest "DUD" of all time. Especially since the poll was supposed to cover all post-war cars, and I believe that would cover from 1945 through 2003 automobiles! In fact the only cars mentioned prior to 1960 were the Edsel and Corvair, how predictable!

While it is true that the 1958 Edsel's cutting edge features had many bugs that should have been worked out prior to market release, it certainly is not alone in this mistake. Detroit's rush to be first in the market with new features, has often produced new features that were not adequately test before introduction. The only difference between Edsel and all the other marquees is that Edsel was dropped after one bad year (the 1960 models never had a chance and was considered a great car at the time of its introduction) and all the others were continued to be produced while the "bugs" were worked out.

For my money, I would proudly own an Edsel or Corvair over most of what is being offered today. I think its is time that America picks another whipping dog and gives the Edsel a break.

[Vermont Lt]

What was it with Dusters? I must have known ten girls with these cars and they ALL had little dents in the middle of the trunk.

Obviously, all of these girls either backed into something or got bumped...could you not see out them or what?

Anyway, I owed a 70 Maverick when I was in school. I had to stop every hour and fill the radiator with water, which was OK in the fall and spring...The good thing about cars that age is that you could actually work on them without a computer degree.

[iceskater]

Pontiac Aztec 2002

It reminds me of a CRX on steroids....

[iceskater]

Taste somehow died during the 1970's.

Well, that explains the clothes, then.