As usual, some women miss the point. I am not bitter over having to pay out the money in support for my children, because I love my children more than life itself. What grinds my gears is that the money had to be sent to a cheating, lying slut who didn't have to account for how the money was spent. She remarried, and at one point her new husband had the audacity to say to me, after a change in support payments had been instituted automatically by the State, "of course, you realize this is going to hurt the children". The thing that makes me mad is not the money per se, it is the fact that I had to give the money, without having the comfort and consort of a woman and the constant presence of the children ( a family united and living together, in other words). The money would have been spent on the children properly if the family were intact. Her husband's remark to me as much as told me that the support money wasn't being spent on the kids, or accounted for, it was going into the general family finances, and in effect, some of my money was supporting his two children, too. There needs to be strong laws on the books to make custodial parents accountable for how every dime of support money is spent, with penalties for non-compliance, up to and including removal of custody and awarding custody to the other parent, with a reversal of the child support order. The system makes men unduly accountable, and women absolutely non-accountable. That is not right by any stretch of the imagination.
Actually, I agree. A child with his dad is more likely to be better supported, particularly if the dad remarries or has grandma on his side. Also, a child with her dad is less likely to be abused by Mommy's New Friend. What of it? It isn't happening anytime soon. And many men don't want their kids.
re: What grinds my gears is that the money had to be sent to a cheating, lying slut who didn't have to account for how the money was spent.)))
Someone close to me, someone I'm very fond of, is having this very thing happening to him...and the laws in his state supposedly allow the kids some say in where they go on divorce when they're over 13. They want to be with him, but the judge wouldn't even let the kids speak. Judge just threatened this guy with huge costs if he pursued his case. He's still pursuing it, and saving every dime to pay both his and HER lawyer in the oncoming battle.
Mostly he's afraid of her boyfriends and his daughters. But that's a separate issue from the support, which he's also been hit with and is enraged by. I don't feel too sorry for him there...a man must support his children, whether he likes the mother or not. The fact is, I'm afraid, he wasn't too very careful about who he impregnated. Most people around her knew her for what she was, and warned him, but he turned off his brain and let other things do his thinking. I guess he was foolish? We are all slaves to our foolishness, and he has to pay for his for a few years. Hopefully he will prevail in court.
He'll be better for his daughters than she, and she does not deserve the support. However, there is another rather unattractive issue around this thread. A man, shut out of his ex's bed, doesn't like to have to pay out money for another man's sex. This is some of the dynamic I hear going on, *not* thwarted fatherhood. He's paying for some other guy's pleasure, which is the authentic source of the rage.
Actually, I agree. A child with his dad is more likely to be better supported, particularly if the dad remarries or has grandma on his side. Also, a child with her dad is less likely to be abused by Mommy's New Friend. What of it? It isn't happening anytime soon. And many men don't want their kids.
re: What grinds my gears is that the money had to be sent to a cheating, lying slut who didn't have to account for how the money was spent.)))
Someone close to me, someone I'm very fond of, is having this very thing happening to him...and the laws in his state supposedly allow the kids some say in where they go on divorce when they're over 13. They want to be with him, but the judge wouldn't even let the kids speak. Judge just threatened this guy with huge costs if he pursued his case. He's still pursuing it, and saving every dime to pay both his and HER lawyer in the oncoming battle.
Mostly he's afraid of her boyfriends and his daughters. But that's a separate issue from the support, which he's also been hit with and is enraged by. I don't feel too sorry for him there...a man must support his children, whether he likes the mother or not. The fact is, I'm afraid, he wasn't too very careful about who he impregnated. Most people around her knew her for what she was, and warned him, but he turned off his brain and let other things do his thinking. I guess he was foolish? We are all slaves to our foolishness, and he has to pay for his for a few years. Hopefully he will prevail in court.
He'll be better for his daughters than she, and she does not deserve the support. However, there is another rather unattractive issue around this thread. A man, shut out of his ex's bed, doesn't like to have to pay out money for another man's sex. This is some of the dynamic I hear going on, *not* thwarted fatherhood. He's paying for some other guy's pleasure, which is the authentic source of the rage.