Madonna and Ritchie film is swept away by tide of vitriol

Guardian ^ | October 12, 2002

[John Jorsett]

Madonna and Guy Ritchie's film, Swept Away, hit the rocks yesterday. The couple's first big screen production was denounced as a "shipwreck" in devastating reviews that attacked the acting and direction in equal measure. "As awful as you've heard, and as bad as you've imagined," said the Washington Post. The New York Daily News gave it an unprecedented zero stars: "Amateurish", a "debacle" and a "new career low" for Madonna.

Ritchie directed the remake of a 1974 Italian parable of a wealthy married woman who washes ashore on a Mediterranean island with the yacht deckhand she has been abusing for days. In their new surroundings, Madonna, the spoiled socialite, is dependent on the sailor, and has to beg for help until they become lovers.

The Los Angeles Times found the on-screen affair a "rough trade Punch and Judy act", while the New York Times said the production was "soggy and superfluous".

Ritchie's directing was damned, with reviewers noting his wife's appearance. "Her overtoned arms are striped with veins and she has back muscles that could cast shadows in afternoon light," said the Daily News. The Los Angeles Weekly said the lighting "emphasises every line and sag". Rolling Stone's verdict was: "Audiences are likely to be slack-jawed. It's the movie that's a shipwreck."

The New York Post asked if the couple were making "some sort of an in-joke", concluding: "Not even a liferaft can save Madonna's latest sinker."

[John Jorsett]

When something Madonna does is described as "a new career low," that's BAD.

[Clara Lou]

Well, Madonna married a "nobody," so to speak, so she had to try and make him a "somebody." All her money couldn't do it.

[veronica]

LOL. This film now enters the pantheon of Hollywood's biggest stinkers. Heaven's Gate, Ishtar, it's an ugly list. Madonna is the anti-actress. Poor Guy Ritchie. Love really is blind.

[Steely Tom]

Hi Veronica,

Don't forget Waterworld and The Lonely Lady.

(steely)

[veronica]

I would say it's the opposite. Madonna married a fairly talented up-and-coming director and thought he could turn her into an actress. Now his career takes a hit.

[Prodigal Son]

Jeez, if it's as bad as they say, I might have to go and see it out of morbid fascination.

[onedoug]

And now the she's the spiritual girl, too. Who was it she told that, "the Kaballah predates religion," and that "Judaism has usurped many aspects of the Kababllah."

Yeah. She's playing with a full deck, alright.

[Conservative til I die]

Forget about love. Like every other Hollywood marriage, you have to look at it like a big movie distribution deal or a 5 album record deal. These are solely business arrangemenets with each side looking to get something out of it. For Guy Ritchie, it was getting his name in the US press and moving out of the Brit-sy ghetto of quirky little films like Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Possibly Madonna had enough clout in Hollywood that she could demand that he be attached to any project she signs on for.

For the pig Madonna, who looks more and more like Valerie Harper everyday due to botched plastic surgeries over the years, it was to get a role in a movie where she could get a director who was on her side to make her into some sort of sex symbol again. Just look at the ads, all you see is Madonna in a bikini. You figure Ritchie, knowing the deal, would try to focus on her sexiness as much as possible, to the detriment of the film.

And now it looks like it blew up in both their faces. Good.

[Prodigal Son]

At least Waterworld was interesting in its own way. One movie that sucked so badly I was actually angry afterwards was a movie called "Event Horizon".

There was also one Tim Robbins starred in about a Viet Nam vet that had been involved in a secret government experiment in Nam. He played a post man in the movie. If you ever see it on the video shelf- don't waste your money. I like weird movies but that one was just a DOG!

One I was surprised by recently that I had not expected to like was Vanilla Sky- it left me thinking about its themes for days afterwards. I'm currently learning Spanish and as soon as I can understand enough to enjoy a movie I'm going to try and lay hands on the Spanish Original which Vanilla Sky was a remake of- "Open Your Eyes".

The Lonely Lady surely did suck.

[Chi-townChief]

The original "Swept away ..." pretty much sucked anyway so you would expect the remake to also regardless of who was cast.

[Tacis]

The New York Times almost always supports Hollywood types, primarily because of their leftis leanings. I have to believe that Madonna refused to denounce Bush, failed to march in the Lennin Day Parade or did not support some other ultra-liberal concept that the NYT was pushing that day. A show biz type can not expect the backing of the media in financial matters if the show biz type doesn't back the position of the left wing frantic America-hating media.

[FITZ]

Madonna married a fairly talented up-and-coming director and thought he could turn her into an actress. Now his career takes a hit.

I agree with you. She was never much of a singer but they can do things with voices to make them sound better. Unfortunately for Madonna pretending to be an actress is tougher than pretending to be a singer.

[general_re]

There was also one Tim Robbins starred in about a Viet Nam vet that had been involved in a secret government experiment in Nam. He played a post man in the movie. If you ever see it on the video shelf- don't waste your money. I like weird movies but that one was just a DOG!

"Jacob's Ladder" - didn't like it? To each his own, I guess ;)

[Polonius]

You pondered the cop-out ending of "Vanilla Sky" for days but thought "Jacob's Ladder" was a dog? What other movies do you consider to be well-made and thought-provoking?

[Prodigal Son]

For Guy Ritchie, it was getting his name in the US press and moving out of the Brit-sy ghetto of quirky little films like Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels and Snatch.

Man, I'm sorry to hear that. He should stick to making those types of films IMHO. I loved both of those movies. Bought 'em on DVD. Snatch was hilarious. I've been hoping he'd do some more.

[general_re]

Rotten Tomatoes has all the gory details, for anyone who's interested...

[The Great RJ]

This film's failure should not be a surprise with a star who built a career on sex, vulgarity and very little talent. I hardly thought the original film was all that appealing and this tawdry re-make with its no talent director and washed up star had no where to go but down.

[SamAdams76]

Madonna...wasn't she that disco singer from the late 70s and early 80s? I remember girls used to dress trashy and walk around the malls with earrings in their belly buttons to try to look like her. Is she still around?

[RJayneJ]

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