Joint Resolution (advance copy of markup of Iraq J.Res.)

TheScoop.org ^ | 10.2.02

[mhking]

This is from TheScoop.org:

"The text of the use of force resolution as it will be taken up in the House has been released. This has the support of GOP leaders Hastert and Lott and Democratic leader Gephardt."

[mhking]

The President is authorized to use the Armed Forces of the United States as he determines to be necessary and appropriate in order to defend the national security of the United States against the continuing threat posed by Iraq; and enforce all relevant United Nations Security Council Resolutions regarding Iraq.

Or in plain English: "LET'S ROLL!"

[ET(end tyranny)]

Did Gephardt check with Streisand first?

[hchutch]

Looks good.

And we can say to the UN (with all honesty): "We're going after the al-Qaida mother****ers. Next time, Saddam's folks had best stay outta our way."

Or, better yet, "Oops, wrong targeting info uploaded..."

Poohbah might have a few other good "excuses" for "horrible, terrible accidents" that might befall Iraqi forces... I'll ping him on that.

[Mo1]

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[mhking]

Screw Strei...uh...damn. Never mind that...

[L,TOWM]

Iraq draft Resolution bump.

[steveegg]

I note that El Diablo D'Asshole is missing from the list of supporters. Without that <expletive deleted> on board, we'll have to wait until the Pubbies have 60 Senators AND replace Cave-A-Lott.

[hchutch]

Just the thought scares me...

[Poohbah]

Poohbah might have a few other good "excuses" for "horrible, terrible accidents" that might befall Iraqi forces... I'll ping him on that.

"Goshdernit, we're having GPS epoch rollover problems again."

"Whoopsie! Didn't realize you mean 'Bud Light!'"

"We're filing a UN protest over the city of Baghdad's unprovoked attack on our Tomahawks. There oughta be a law against erecting tall buildings to obstruct cruise missile flight paths."

"Yo, Kofi, who's yer daddy?"

"Well, shucks! Our campaign planner just upgraded his computer to Windows XP, and the new interface confused him when we told him to prepare a strike plan for al-Qaeda hangouts. Sorry, Saddam, ol' buddy."

"Hey, it's not like we invaded China! This is Iraq! It's like driving to Wisconsin!"

[steveegg]

I coulda' swore that was Osama. Oh, that was Saddam? I guess he shouldn't have tried growing a beard.

[mhking]

"Well, shucks! Our campaign planner just upgraded his computer to Windows XP, and the new interface confused him when we told him to prepare a strike plan for al-Qaeda hangouts. Sorry, Saddam, ol' buddy."

It's just the "blue screen of death" - what's a little screen between friends?

[steveegg]

"Hey, it's not like we invaded China! This is Iraq! It's like driving to Wisconsin!"

As long as you don't have to go through Chicago, that is.

"You mean those weren't donuts we were dropping?"

[hchutch]

"The AH-64 that took out the chemical weapons factory was in hot pursuit of a couple of al-Qaida..."

GI to Iraqi troops:
"So, these are YOUR chemical weapons, and the al-Qaeda guys have nothing to do with them. Well, we'll have to take them anyhow, since there are those UN resolutions..."

[Poohbah]

Hey, unless the Iraqis can provide certified proof of origin and ownership, the exact provenance of those WMDs is open to question.

[steveegg]

"They shouldn't have called that complex a base".

[Poohbah]

Tell 'em "Kulu qa'idatikum namlikuha" and continue mission.

Hey, it wasn't us! Janet Reno was in charge of those troops, and she heard that there was a meth lab and child abuse going on in that "compound!"

[hchutch]

Oh, here's a good one:
MEMCON between SECDEF and unidentified State Department weenie:
"Look, I told the troops to fire warning shots if Iraqi units came close to units operating against al-Qaida. ... So the warning shot took out the lead T-72..."

[Poohbah]

Further in the MEMCON:

"OK, I found the problem. Seems the reg on warning shots was written by someone less than proficient in English--it says "fire a warning shot into its bow" instead of "across its bow."

"Look, sonny, the grownups have work to do. Changing the reg will be done as soon as we have time. What's that? When? Try 2037 or so. Toodles."

[mhking]

"They shouldn't have called that complex a base".