Posted on 10/02/2002 9:14:06 AM PDT by dead
NEW YORK – Inexplicably citing a long list of accomplishments by this year’s Angels team, a teary Mike Sciosia announced today that his team was pulling out of their division series with the Yankees after dropping the opening game.
“We had a good run. Ninety-nine wins is something to be very proud of. But we ain’t gonna win this series. Everybody knows it. You guys in the media, all you want to talk about is Giambi and Jeter. Soriano and Clemens. Doesn’t anybody want to talk about Weber and Levine? Schields and Donnelly?”
The sudden withdrawal of the Angels left the American League scrambling for a replacement team. After being turned down by many of this year’s clubs, most of whom cited fishing and golfing commitments, the league finally secured the services of1986 Red Sox.
“You bet I’m in!” blurted an excited Bill Buckner, before dropping the microphone between his legs. “I’ve been doing squat thrusts to limber up.”
“Just tell me who to bean.” mumbled Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd, while swatting imaginary flies from his hair.
The Yankees, however, are not thrilled with the prospects of continuing the series against a different club.
“What a bunch of bull(bleep)!” bellowed a partially drunken David Wells. “Those pussies quit! Now, I’m supposed to go out and pitch to a bunch of old has-beens who traipse in at the last minute?! Thanks but no thanks. There’s three strippers at Scores with my name on their asses.”
George Steinbrenner, however, supported the replacement idea. “Hell, I’ve sold the damn tickets. Good luck getting a refund from me!”
Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, hunkered down in his office, was unavailable for comment.
Tonight’s starting matchup:
Boston – Roger Clemens (24-4)
Yankees – Roger Clemens (13-6)
At least Erstad is'nt married, so his wife won't have to hear the death threats and being called things the lowest woman on the planet should'nt hear, like Mrs. Johnson did last year. Of course, Garrett Anderson's wife will deserve to get whatever the Yankoff fans yell at her, right?
The one reminds me of them "bubba" teeth you can buy fer Halloween...
Not just funny, damn brilliant.
At least Erstad is'nt married, so his wife won't have to hear the death threats and being called things the lowest woman on the planet should'nt hear, like Mrs. Johnson did last year. Of course, Garrett Anderson's wife will deserve to get whatever the Yankoff fans yell at her, right?
I've never engaged in any of the behavior that you've gratuitously accused me of.
I didn't know if Anderson or Erstad were married, nor do I care. I admire both of them actually, but of course, I want the Yankees to beat them.
But thanks for acting like a knee-jerk liberal and trying to tar all Yankee fans as hoodlums.
Bravo!
LOL!
In game 5 Nolan Ryan and Doc Gooden each went 9 innings in a 1-1 game, eventually won in the twelfth by the Mets.
And game six! Astros scored three in the first. Then nobody scored until the ninth, when the Mets scored three to tie the game. Mets went up one in the fourteenth, but the Astros tied it again. Mets scored three more in the 16th, and the Astros answered with two, leaving the winning run on base.
What a year.
I'm a Yankee fan, but I was definitely scratching my head over Scioscia's decision to put in two other clowns to pitch in the eighth inning instead of Percival. If he was saving Percival for the ninth, it made no sense, as the Yanks got ahead in the eighth and didn't need a ninth inning!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.