Posted on 10/02/2002 9:14:06 AM PDT by dead
NEW YORK – Inexplicably citing a long list of accomplishments by this year’s Angels team, a teary Mike Sciosia announced today that his team was pulling out of their division series with the Yankees after dropping the opening game.
“We had a good run. Ninety-nine wins is something to be very proud of. But we ain’t gonna win this series. Everybody knows it. You guys in the media, all you want to talk about is Giambi and Jeter. Soriano and Clemens. Doesn’t anybody want to talk about Weber and Levine? Schields and Donnelly?”
The sudden withdrawal of the Angels left the American League scrambling for a replacement team. After being turned down by many of this year’s clubs, most of whom cited fishing and golfing commitments, the league finally secured the services of1986 Red Sox.
“You bet I’m in!” blurted an excited Bill Buckner, before dropping the microphone between his legs. “I’ve been doing squat thrusts to limber up.”
“Just tell me who to bean.” mumbled Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd, while swatting imaginary flies from his hair.
The Yankees, however, are not thrilled with the prospects of continuing the series against a different club.
“What a bunch of bull(bleep)!” bellowed a partially drunken David Wells. “Those pussies quit! Now, I’m supposed to go out and pitch to a bunch of old has-beens who traipse in at the last minute?! Thanks but no thanks. There’s three strippers at Scores with my name on their asses.”
George Steinbrenner, however, supported the replacement idea. “Hell, I’ve sold the damn tickets. Good luck getting a refund from me!”
Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, hunkered down in his office, was unavailable for comment.
Tonight’s starting matchup:
Boston – Roger Clemens (24-4)
Yankees – Roger Clemens (13-6)
After watching the Twins force a Game 5, I have watched every pitch of this game.
I live to see the Yankees lose. Now where, oh where, are my beloved Red Sox?
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