Skip to comments.Which Service is Best?
Posted on 09/15/2002 9:10:16 AM PDT by Ed_NYC
Which Service is Best?
A soldier, a sailor, an airman, and a marine get into an argument about what armed force is the best. The argument gets so heated that they fail to see an on-coming truck. They are hit and killed instantly. When they arrive in heaven, they see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. So they decide he can settle their argument. They walk up and ask him, "Saint Peter, what Military Service is the best?" He thinks for a moment, then says, "Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you. But I'll tell you what. I'll talk to God next time I see Him, and I'll find out for you. In the mean time, welcome to heaven." So they enter. Later, they see Saint Peter while walking around, and they ask him about their question. But before Saint Peter can say anything, trumpets blare, a bright light shines, and a white dove flies out of the light with an envelope in it's beak. Saint Peter says, "Ah, here's the answer from the Boss." He takes the letter, and the dove flies off. He opens it, trumpets play, gold dust flies up, and Saint Peter reads aloud:
FROM THE DESK OF GOD
TO: SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN, AND MARINES
RE: WHICH SERVICE IS BEST.
Dear Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines, All branches of the United States Armed forces are truly honorable. One should take pride in serving with the Military. You are all well-trained men, all capable of pulling off your job exceedingly well. Therefore, there is no superior service.
Sincerely, God, USMC (Ret.)
Why not waltz into a crowded cowboy bar and yell, "Which one of you sissies thinks he's tough?!"
The Army will send in its special forces and rangers, surround the building, set up a security cordon and let no one out.
The Marines will send in Force Recon, invade the building, kill everyone, and let no one in.
The Navy will bombard the building for several hour before sending in the SEALs to secure the rubble and let no one in or out.
The Air Force will send in a real estate agent to negotiate a five year lease with an option to buy.
The General is outraged that he had to wait and this chief just walked past. He turns to Saint Peter and asks "Just who does that chief think he is? God??"
Saint Peter replies, "No sir, that is God - sometimes He likes to pretend He's a Chief."
(...with his hands in his pockets.)
A MAC flight is delayed in Thule, Greenland, because the sewage truck is late.
A young airman shows up with the truck and proceeds to empty the sewage tanks. An Air Force colonel gets off the plane and reads him the riot act for delaying the flight.
The airman hears him out and then says, "Colonel, I have no stripes, I'm stuck in Thule, Greenland, it's 20 below zero and I'm pumping sewage out of your plane. What can you possibly do to make my life worse?"
"Nothing," says the colonel and boards his plane.
The grunt smiles and is about to step into heaven the turns and asks, " St. Pete, you don't have any Cav up here do you? They picked on me my whole career. Throwing MREs and Coke cans at me as they drove by. I hate Cav"
" No way!" says Saint Peter . "There is no Cav here. They stay down at Fiddler's Green."
So the grunt steps into heaven again and sees a cloud with a stubby gun tube sticking out of it. All hell breaking loose, loud music, girls screaming, bottles breaking. "Hey that's Cav. You lied to me."
"No, no, no... that's the Mech Infantry."
"Ok." So he goes to step in again. Hears the same raucous from another cloud and sees a bigger gun tube. "That's CAV!!!!" he screams hysterically.
"Calm down that's artillery. They bailed you out when you were in trouble."
" Ya, dem guys are Ok."
So the grunt takes another step. An M1 Abrams comes screaming around a corner. The gunner hunched over his sights blasting sabot rounds; coax, LMG, and .50 cal tracers streaming every where. Artillery and mortar fire are blasting nearly overhead, where Apache's and Kiowas are weaving back and forth firing hellfire missiles and 2.75 inch rockets. Crossed sabers are painted on the side of the choppers. The Tank Commander has on a Stetson with gold braid and crossed sabers, a bottle of whisky in one hand and the other is clutching a gorgeous naked blonde while he fires the .50 cal with the toe of his muddy, dragoon boot. ""THAT'S THE CAV!!!!!" screams the Grunt.
"Naw," says Saint Peter. "That's GOD. He just likes to PRETEND He's CAV."
A Russian General and an American General were seated next to each other at a diplomatic affair. They got to talking, then to drinking, and the conversation between the new allies got quite friendly.
"You know, comrade" said the Russian General "Our military is the best outfitted in the world, we even feed our troops in the field 1,000 calories per day".
The American General looked at him with a puzzled expression "But General" he said with genuine surprise "we feed our troops in the field over 3,000 calories per day"
With this the Russian General thought for a minute then began laughing hysterically, "You're very funny General, that's an excellent joke... but no-one can eat an entire sack of potatoes in one day!"
"Air Force Gloves"
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