My finalists are, in no particular order,
Timesink (#887),
dubyagee (# 1091 is what I have in mind, slim, but I imagine that you like 886!), and
paulklenk (#752).
Annoyingly, I won’t say much about why I chose these 3: I want Mudboy to step to the plain untained by my perceptions (although mired in much bribery scandal, apparently). (And no, it didn’t help that dubyagee posted more than once: his/her 667 is actually pretty bad, actually, but I just looked at each individually.)
Mudboy, if you feel REALLY strongly about Jake0001 or Harpo11, we can put them on the finalist list too. But forced to make some hard choices, I choose these 3.
Some judges’ notes:
First of all, really, APPLAUSE APPLAUSE a lot of people have been having fun with this, including me, thanks for playing. The fact that you entered means you have a good sense of humor (although COUGH there appear to be a couple of exceptions) and so you’re not doing to be all twisted around if I don’t like your list as much as you did, I hope. I give these judges’ notes just because y’all took the time to enter and I figure you’d prefer to hear how I made my decision so you will all know, all joking aside, that I really did spend some conscientious time on these entries.
And yes, Mudboy and I will be posting our own lists here when we announce the winner, so you’ll get your chance to mock the judges. This is Free Republic, no?
As I’ve made pretty clear, it was always my intention to drink beer while judging. So no whining, no one ever said this contest was going to be fair. But I didn’t imbibe too much. My foolish decisions are a product of my own foolish will, not Samuel Adams beer (which is really very good HICCUP).
All of you guys who realized that I was a Bush Babe, major points for researching me, but I won’t be swayed! (Bribery will only matter in the finals, when Mudboy Slim comes into the picture.)
OK, to the losers, well, of the 20 entries, I would say only 2 or 3 really stunk. (No, seriously, we said “humor counts” in the rules, right?) Anyone of the other entries could have won and none of you would have been able to prove that the fix was in. (I take Mastercard.)
There will several best line candidates.
There’s a certain charm in ArneFufkin (who easily would have won if the contest was best name), Post #870, line 6 on while still posting:
“6: Court ordered home arrest.” Arne, as I judge this I noted Cultural Jihad put you up there in the top three and I went back and read it again. Sigh, I'm afraid you're a victim of my ignorance: I just didn't get some of them. The ones I got were funny.
Then there’s Dianna’s (#738) line 3, on while still posting:
“3. I'm hoping that BADJOE will come back and change his name to GOODJOE.”
Then there’s BluesDuke (724) reason 1 why he’s still posting:
1) You mean I need a
reason? Well, I tried... ;)
And who will forget Forgiven Sinner’s
“7. I sing kareoke to Doug_From_Uplands songs at the neighborhood liberal bar.”
Miss Marple, I think you suffered from my relative newbie status because some lines may have been funny but I just haven’t been around. But I loved your:
"6. Once you have been called a knee-pad wearing, statist, socialistic, empty-headed Bushbot, that guy who growls at you in traffic doesn't intimidate you anymore." Post 2087 places you second: Cultural Jihad loves it. You have the same problem as Arne for me as judge, however: stuff there I'm not getting. Sigh, perhaps should have mentioned I'm a relative newbie who avoids as much of the politics here as I can.
But overall, my runner up, the one I’d take for fourth if I could nominate four finalists, for consistent depth in the thread, would be Harpo11 or Jake0001. They both had brevity, a virtue in a top ten list, and an open, naive humor:
Jake0001, Post#736
Top 10 reasons why I'm still posting this thread.
10.It beats working
9. Noone in creation could read the entire thread anyway.
8. Actually its the first time I posted in this thread.
7. Its more light-hearted than actual events.
6. Its good to post something that might get a reply.
5. Its better to post something for a prize.
4. Wasn't this thread to be killed?
3. I'm new here and too ignorant to know when to shut up.
2. Method of payment for bribery - Do you take Diner's Club?
1. Who's LYNN CHENEY?
Why I'm Still A HAppy FReeper
by Harpo
1) I can be all that I want to be.
2) I can post pictures.
3) I can post words.
4) I can read words.
5) I can see pictures.
6) I can learn things.
7) I can laugh.
8) I can reach for the cybersky.
9) I can swear.
10) I am free.
Last line of Harpo’s is very good, no? And Jake’s a newbie. God help a newbie who mistakenly stumbles upon a thread like this: I felt a strong maternal need to nominate him. It was close. (Oh, and it’s “Lynne” Cheney, no?)
So, a nice round of applause for our runner-ups.
Physicist, your entry 764 was quite possibly the funniest, I could tell it would be really funny if understood the background references, but I didn’t, so you are kinda losing ‘cause the judge is dumb but I’m sure you made a lot of people laugh along the way.
Harpo11. True confession: loved your entry, almost a poem. If I had more artistic courage, I would have put it in the finalist spot. You want the truth? I think it’s very real and pretty, but I also think there would have been a RIOT if I’d named it as a finalist. It spoke to me, but I daren’t have it lead the group: I guess I do want our winner to speak to everyone. Thanks for entertaining us. Oh, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of starting a riot generally. But here I do hope our winner makes everyone warm and fuzzy cause I’m spending real money on a book as a prize in order to make everyone warm and fuzzy. So it’s counter to present purposes for a riot to occur. You’re perhaps going to kill me for saying it, but it was secretly my favorite. Whatever. Have a beer on me!
Julie – you put so much work in this!! But it was too sincere, actually, to be too funny. It was just delightful! All your posts are. I do think your post is in keeping with the spirit of the contest and must give you an honorable mention.
Brian Allen – It’s not that it was late. It was that a top ten list has to end with a big splash and your number 1 was written under obvious time pressure! :) Hee hee. Wish you’d have found us 5 minutes earlier.
one_particular_harbour: “6. I like beating up on middle aged people who have like to be anonymously mad about what is posted on an internet bulletin board, and sick and twisted enough to think it actually matters.” Um, this was funny but angry-funny. Some people like angry-funny and you’re a victim of a judge who tends, as my selections indicate, toward the silly-funny side of life. But I don’t deny the humor. It’s the painful acoholic aging comedian dark humor stuff you see sometimes. I’m not saying it’s not good. It’s just not me. Like, I loved: “2. My kids are watching Disney Channel. I hate Disney Channel.”
OK, the HONORABLE MENTION AWARDS:
Harpo11: MOST AVANTE GUARDE
Julie: MOST CUTE
Julie: BEST WORK TRYING TO BRIBE THE JUDGES
Vets_Husband_and_Wife: MOST OBVIOUSLY DESPERATE TO WIN (this was a close contest, by the way, but you nabbed this title) :) (Hey, we said *ten*!! What’s up with the 11!! Why, if we had an award for the most huztpah!! :) You’ve been a lot of fun on this thread and I’ve enjoyed chatting with you.)
HONORABLE MENTION ON MERIT:
Harpo11 and Jake0001
Chad Fairbanks: Very good, very succinct. Sometimes too literal/sincere, we’re grading for humor
Indy Penance: same comment as above. Think you or Chad could have reached the finals if done just consistent silly humor, like your great lines 7 and 5-2. Just my preference as a judge.
:::I will now be logging off and hiding under a table, if anyone's trying to reach me:::
Timesink's 10 reasons were very funny. I thought his number one reason was just too cheesy, though. ;) Upon closer look, his post is a worthy contender in spite of that let down at the end.
Physicist, your entry 764 was quite possibly the funniest, I could tell it would be really funny if understood the background references, but I didn’t, so you are kinda losing ‘cause the judge is dumb but I’m sure you made a lot of people laugh along the way. Is it too late to annotate my entry?
2. I got nostalgic seeing the ***Ash Alert*** sign, and can't stay away.
Ash was the original "liberal disruptor" on FR. The poster Don Morgan would follow him around from thread to thread, posting an elaborate "Ash Alert" exhorting people not to acknowledge his presence. (For the record, I miss Ash. He actually knew what he was talking about in many cases, and could string coherent sentences together.)
3. Somebody had to stay to bring up "pool poopy".
Back in September, '98, there was a news article about some outbreak of something or other that was traced to some kid having an accident in a wading pool. The thread developed into an infamous contest of scatalogical puns.
4. If BADJOE blurts out the names of the "Gestapo Twins", I have a remote chance of being able to read it in the microsecond before it's yanked.
Reference to the BADJOE's "opus" of two weeks ago.
6. I want to be the one to push the abuse button when medved pastes in a long essay about the Earth orbiting Saturn.
The Net.Legend Ted Holden posts here under the screen name of "medved". He is famous both for his crackpot science theories, and his rhetorical methods of defending them. (Do a Google search for "Ted Holden" and/or "Splifford".) He likes to re-post the same long diatribes to creation/evolution threads.
7. One of the signs of the Apocalypse will be when Jim Robinson lets Eschoir back; this is just the sort of thread where it will happen.
Eschoir was the worst of the liberal disruptors. He was actually the defendant in a lawsuit by FreeRepublic that was ultimately dropped. It is his mission in life to destroy FR; the man is obsessed with the notion.
8. I'm hoping Tabitha Soren will show up to divert the discussion into a less divisive channel.
"Tabitha Soren" was the pro-life answer to feminazis. This poster would launch the most extreme anti-abortion diatribes, advocating the death penalty for women who had abortions, and other pleasantries. She would also show up on arbitrary threads and find the most tortuous reasons for connecting it to abortion.
9. MurrayMom isn't here.
Our current, if intermittent, token liberal. She's so dim, it's almost unsportsmanlike to argue with her.
In answer to your question, I am a real physicist (experimental high-energy), employed by the University of Pennsylvania.
FreeTheHostages, merci beaucoup....for your generous thoughts and warm encouragement. The contest was really a lot of spontaneously delicious fun!
