Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Ten Good Reasons To Ban Guns
The Federal Observer ^ | 9/5/02 | Bruce Gold

Posted on 09/05/2002 7:49:16 AM PDT by jimkress

Gun Control - Simple Solutions for Simple Minds

Ten Good Reasons To Ban Guns - a satire by Bruce Gold

1.) Guns are used in self-defense over 2 million times a year. However, this makes the attempted crime a "non-event," which necessarily complicates the Police investigation. Without civilian ownership of guns, these Police investigations would not have been compromised. Civilians should leave crime prevention to the Police, who are properly equipped to investigate following the crime's completion.

2.) Some .004 % (4/1000 of 1%) of guns are used in crime each year. This is way too high. All guns should be banned.

3.) Guns are unnecessary. In 98% of civilian gun defenses, no shot is fired. If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don't need a gun. This proves that the guns are unnecessary. Banning guns will prevent these unnecessary defenses.

4.) Guns cause criminal migration. In tough gun-law Washington, D.C., violent crime rates are very high. This high crime rate is caused by the migration of criminals from gun havens like Virginia. This migration is caused by the criminal's cowardly avoidance of armed householders and concealed-carry civilians. This criminal migration is detrimental to helpless unarmed citizens in no-gun areas and must be stopped. Guns should be banned everywhere.

5.) Most gun crimes are committed by inner city gangs and drug dealers. These relatively small and geographically restricted groups consistently commit the majority of gun crimes, which usually peak as turf wars erupt over Drug War changes. The best way to prevent this is by denying guns to all law abiding people everywhere.

6.) No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect women by investigating the crime after the fact. Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs.

7.) Guns owners are disrespectful of authority. Good citizens should completely rely on the authorities. A failure to do so is an invariable sign of improper and overly independent attitudes. Failure to completely and absolutely trust and depend on the authorities is excessive democracy and sends a bad message to children.

8.) Guns owners engaging in self-defense are taking the law into their own hands. This is wrong. Only the Police and Criminals have the right to take the law into their own hands. It should be kept out of the hands of citizens.

9.) Children and young people should remain ignorant about guns. Real guns and real gun knowledge dissipate the fantasies created by violent video games and TV. Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored and needs to be protected. Not to mention the lost sales of all the violent movies, TV shows, video games, etc!

10.)Guns reduce people's reliance on the Police and Government. This fosters a mistaken belief in "rights". No person has the right to question authority. No person should be less than 100% dependent on authority. This is fundamental to social order. Banning guns will help to establish the Order the authorities want. This is good.


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Government; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: banglist
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061 next last

1 posted on 09/05/2002 7:49:16 AM PDT by jimkress
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: jimkress
FYI--

Statistical Facts Gun-haters Run From

-Empty-Barrel Gun Policies-A legacy of nonsense from Clinton, Blair, and the Left--

-A Problem With Guns (Long... but SOOOO good)--

-Swiss Gun Laws- and some rebuttal to HCI "spin"--

US vs. Switzerland Gun Laws

Shooting More Holes in Gun Control

Gun Control Down Under

HCI Aussie Style (read it and weep-or laugh)

The Great Australian Gun Law CON!

Gun Crimes Surge in London

2 posted on 09/05/2002 7:55:27 AM PDT by backhoe
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jimkress

3 posted on 09/05/2002 7:57:43 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jimkress
"6.) No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect women by investigating the crime after the fact. Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs."

That's the damn truth. What do all these women think those oh-so-effective restraining orders are for, anyway?

Gunther: "Ooh, ooh, ya knows what she needs? She needs a "Restraining Order", that's what. A Restraining Order. That'll show that creep who's boss..."
4 posted on 09/05/2002 7:58:43 AM PDT by Vidalia
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: E. Pluribus Unum
E.Pluribus,

Where can I get a larger size, legible image of that?

5 posted on 09/05/2002 8:01:28 AM PDT by GnL
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Vic3O3
Ping!

Semper Fi
6 posted on 09/05/2002 8:03:16 AM PDT by dd5339
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: GnL
Right-click on the image to download the target pdf file.
7 posted on 09/05/2002 8:06:39 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: GnL
Actually, all you have to do is click on the image and the download dialog box will come up.
8 posted on 09/05/2002 8:07:29 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

Comment #9 Removed by Moderator

To: E. Pluribus Unum
How about reposting that image as a .jpg file, resized to a screen width of 750. Makes it a lot easier to copy and forward. -TNX.
10 posted on 09/05/2002 8:21:58 AM PDT by LostTribe
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: dd5339
The really sad thing about this article, is most Liberals and C'Rats will miss the fact it is SATIRE!
11 posted on 09/05/2002 8:23:14 AM PDT by Vic3O3
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: E. Pluribus Unum; *bang_list; da_toolman; jdogbearhunter

12 posted on 09/05/2002 8:23:53 AM PDT by phasma proeliator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: jimkress
In short-- Carl Rowan!!! LOL.....
13 posted on 09/05/2002 8:23:58 AM PDT by litehaus
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jimkress
Rock-solid logic. Ban 'em.
14 posted on 09/05/2002 8:27:46 AM PDT by Always Right
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jimkress
Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored

Good motto for FReepers.

15 posted on 09/05/2002 8:30:32 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jimkress
If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don't need a gun.

Bump. Moral of the story is to shoot 'em - not scare them ;o)

16 posted on 09/05/2002 8:30:41 AM PDT by 4CJ
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jimkress; Byron_the_Aussie; shaggy eel; Clive; MadIvan
BUMP!/PING!
17 posted on 09/05/2002 8:37:14 AM PDT by Brian Allen
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: LostTribe
Click to download poster in PDF format


18 posted on 09/05/2002 8:47:30 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: jimkress; All
After reading this persuasive essay, if any of you wish to dispose of your firearms (especially unfired .44-40 John Wayne Commemorative carbines or H&K MP-5s in mint condition), send them to me. I'll make sure they're properly placed under lock and key so no child will ever be hurt by them again.

You can Trust Me - I'm doing it For The Children. [sarcasm /off]

19 posted on 09/05/2002 8:51:59 AM PDT by strela
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: E. Pluribus Unum
I understand its a .pdf file and I can handle that. My point is that lots of people can't. But most everyone can handle a .jpg file pre-sized to full screen size.
20 posted on 09/05/2002 8:54:16 AM PDT by LostTribe
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson