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Introducing the Houston FRAstros - MLB Replacement Team
21 August 2002 | PetroniDE

Posted on 08/21/2002 11:04:29 AM PDT by PetroniDE

On August 30th, unless something along the lines of a labor miracle occurs, the ninth baseball work stoppage in thirty years will occur. Judging by the history of labor strife in baseball, it appears likely that the major league players will walk.

With the Houston Astros in contention for the NL Central title and/or the NL wild-card, it has been decided to form a replacement baseball team in order to protect the chances of the Houston Astros to finally capture post-season glory.

Team members, player profiles, and projected lineups:

XenaLyte will bat leadoff and play CF. She featurs a quick bat and lightning speed. Clearly the biggest base stealing threat on the team.
HoustonCurmudgeon will bat second and play 3B. Strong arm and good contact man.
Bobbyd will bat third and normally play 1B. The closest thing to a five-star ballplayer on the team. Good bat, glove, arm, and baseball sense. Will also play some 3B.
PhiKap bats fourth and normally plays LF. The clean-up hitter. Most powerful bat in the line-up. Will also play some 1B.
Dix bats fifth and normally plays RF. He serves as player-manager, so will he ever order himself to bunt?
Eaker bats sixth and plays SS. Strong arm and terrific baseball sense. Second best base-stealing threat.
TheMom bats seventh and plays 2B. Excellent double-play teammate with Eaker, and blocks the bag well on steal attempts. Never try to steal with TheMom on the field.
Flyer bats eighth and play C. Don't try to run on this man. He will track you down.
This is a NL team. Therefore, the pitcher bats ninth.

Remember the phrase "no pitching - no pennant"? Since you can't win without pitching, the FRAstros made sure that they have the "arms" to get the job done.

Projected starting rotation:

Iamright is the ace of the staff. Overpowering fastball and excellent change-up. Close to the right-handed equivalent of a Randy Johnson.
PetroniDE is the classic complement to Iamright. The only lefthander on the staff is a cross between a 1970's Bill Lee (minus the beard and lefty political views) and Tim Wakefield. Any pitch at anytime from him. Can also play 1B in emergency situations.
Smartaleck is another hard throwing righthander with an excellent breaking pitch.
BurFred is the sinkerballer. Lots of groundballs and not many strikeouts, but very few walks and can always pitch deep into games.
RikaStrom is the fifth starter and long reliever, but don't mess with her. She will knock you down on one pitch and have you talking to yourself after she sends you back to your dugout with a K.

When the starters tire, pitchers are summoned from the bullpen for middle relief, set-up work, and to close the games.

AntiVenom is a "don't mess with me" pitcher with a mean fastball, which serves well during set-up efforts in relief of the finesse pitchers.
OllieMB is the other set-up pitcher, featuring a nasty curve ball and change-up to complement the power pitchers. In emergencies and extra inning games, can play 2B or SS.
Humblegunner is the closer. What better name for a baseball closer than one with the name "gun" in it. When he enters the game with a lead, you can almost book it.

Can't forget the bench. Injury, fatigue, and situation substitutions insure that their services are essential.

Gracey substitutes in the OF for defensive purposes.
DrewsDad substitues in the OF for defensive purposes, and provides a speed boost for the slower base runners.
T-agent is the back-up catcher. No catcher can play every game. A dependable bat and baseball smarts.
BushDude2000 is the utility infielder and the lone switch hitter. Available to substitute at 2B, SS, or 3B. Will serve as a valuable glove man and additional contact bat.


TOPICS: Announcements; Free Republic; Political Humor/Cartoons; US: Texas
KEYWORDS: astros; baseball; frastros; houston; laborstrife
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To: BallandPowder
954 MPH fastball (1400 ft/sec)? You from this planet? You been taking those funny pills? Democrats been holding the radar gun?

I demand a re-test.

41 posted on 08/21/2002 12:52:07 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: PetroniDE
Powder..patch..Ball FIRE!

954 MPH fastball (1400 ft/sec)? You from this planet? You been taking those funny pills? Democrats been holding the radar gun?

The operative word is "gun"

LOLOLOLL!!!!

42 posted on 08/21/2002 12:54:18 PM PDT by BallandPowder
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To: BallandPowder
BallandPowder has been drafted. He is our left-handed fire-baller reliever. Barry Bonds, Mo Vaughn, and other lefty hitters, look out.

One or two position players, and we are ready to play.

43 posted on 08/21/2002 12:59:23 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: PetroniDE
I like the idea of real replacement players. I have "had it" with the current set of prima-donna players. When they strike, I think that MLB ought to hire replacement players and never look back.

If MLB did that, yes, they'd have to lower ticket prices dramatically, at least for a couple of years until the replacement players become established and stars among them begin to emerge.

44 posted on 08/21/2002 12:59:43 PM PDT by Jay W
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To: Stand Watch Listen
Stand Watch Listen has been drafted. Utility infielder/outfielder and pinch-runner. Speed to burn.

One position left. Utility IF/OF preferred with left-handed bat preferred.

45 posted on 08/21/2002 1:01:16 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: PetroniDE
You guys have spun up the funniest thread in a long time!!

Y'all are great!

46 posted on 08/21/2002 1:01:57 PM PDT by Airborne Longhorn
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To: Jay W
We were thinking of Freeping at the baseball stadium (I refuse to call it by the corporate name of the week) and volunteering to be replacement players. Imagine HAT FR with signs that said "Let Us Play".

I hope they do walk. If they do, I am canceling my MLB Extra Innings subscription. I see lots of fun with this topic for the next two months.

47 posted on 08/21/2002 1:05:03 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: BallandPowder
And I'll be catching for you? You pitch that fast??? LOL!
48 posted on 08/21/2002 1:05:04 PM PDT by Slip18
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To: Slip18
don't panic... The air friction slows it down quite a bit.
49 posted on 08/21/2002 1:05:37 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: Airborne Longhorn
Thanks. Funny thing is, this started as a SERIOUS idea with volunteering to be replacement players. If this strike happens, wait until the real fun starts next week. Ideas still brewing in my mind.
50 posted on 08/21/2002 1:07:03 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: dittomom
Can you bat left-handed? If you can, you are drafted.
51 posted on 08/21/2002 1:08:13 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: PetroniDE
I can pitch (not bad for a chick). I'm a righty and can also catch.
52 posted on 08/21/2002 1:10:01 PM PDT by bootless
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To: BADROTOFINGER; BluesDuke
I nominate BluesDuke for skipper.

I second that!

53 posted on 08/21/2002 1:12:10 PM PDT by bootless
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To: bootless; dittomom
We already have a manager. I can't fire him yet (if we start losing, maybe). How about a coaching position? First I have to fill that 25th roster spot.
54 posted on 08/21/2002 1:14:45 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: bootless
I have offered the spot to dittomom. If she declines, you're in. If she accepts, you can be a coach.... OK.
55 posted on 08/21/2002 1:16:13 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: PetroniDE
I'd have to be on the FRatlanta Braves, as I am too far away from Houston.

I pretty much gave up Major League baseball after the '94 strike. I didn't come back then. I hope more fans of the game don't come back after this strike.

56 posted on 08/21/2002 1:18:20 PM PDT by Jay W
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To: PetroniDE
OK! I'm a good base coach.

Since I'm in the Bay Area, I really should be on the San FRancisco FRiants. Can I do both?

57 posted on 08/21/2002 1:20:24 PM PDT by bootless
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To: PetroniDE; Humidston; T-agent; Flyer; bobbyd; Xenalyte; BurFred; humblegunner; TWfromTEXAS; ...
I suggest you draft Illbay from Katy and during the 7th inning stretch we can watch Humidson assault him!

Also TWfromTEXAS can't run worth a damn but is a fine catcher and hits a ton.

58 posted on 08/21/2002 1:22:53 PM PDT by HoustonCurmudgeon
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To: Jay W
Even if the FRAstros (or some other team) offers you a better deal or trades for you?

I left after 94, but got pulled back in 95 since the Red Sox (the team I rooted for as a child and still do) made the playoffs. This time, I won't go back. Even a Red Sox WS championship (somebody drug test me for even putting Red Sox and WS champ in the same sentence) wouldn't feel the same.

59 posted on 08/21/2002 1:25:11 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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To: bootless
U can only be on one team at a time.... I think there is a rule for that.
60 posted on 08/21/2002 1:26:39 PM PDT by PetroniDE
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