The risks of cohabitation

Minneapolis Star Tribune ^ | 7/17/02 | Katherine Kersten

[rhema]

Everyone knows that American family structure is changing. In recent decades, large increases in divorce and out-of-wedlock childbearing have dramatically altered the social landscape. But a related social change has received little attention. That's the extraordinary rise in cohabitation, in which an unmarried man and woman share a household as sexual partners.

[FreedomFriend]

Oh yeah, the bond of marriage doesn't mean anything anymore (sarcasm). Always trying to make an excuse to justify sin. I don't imagine that it will ever be any different.

[per loin]

Non-co-habitation, with all that rushing through the mid night streets, can also be dangerous to one's health.

[FateAmenableToChange]

Oh, and I almost forgot, if we're going to exlude multiple marriage people from the statistics, we must also exclude multiple co-habiters as well, if our comparison is going to be meaningful.

Good point. My point is that the statistic that half of all marriages fail is potentially misleading because it implies that you have a 50% chance of divorcing your first spouse. That is false.

[Sangamon Kid]

This might sound bad but I am about to the point to where I would advise my son, when the time is right, to just shack up with a girl instead of marring. My rational is: we now have no fault divorce, a 50% divorce rate, courts that are anti male, a legal system that goes out of the way to destroy the bonds between children and father, a legal system that thinks justice has been served when they have destroyed the financial well being of the father, and a society which looks on men as a check writer.

...and I suppose you think that the excuses listed above allows you to set aside what you know is right and good.

[TightSqueeze]

I have a beautiful 20 year daughter who believed me when I told her that God was preparing a man for her…

I will lay odds your daughter receives very few second dates after meeting you, if she were smart then she would meet them far away from your influence. I mean the girl is twenty and is still taking dating advice from her father, I smell issues.

[discostu]

Did I say the bonds of marriage don't mean anything anymore? No. I said that when it comes to paying the bills you need a second income and how you get it doesn't matter (to that simple financial discussion).

People shouldn't assume so much. I've been married for 10 years. And bonds of marriage mean a lot. She was also the last person I lived with before marriage, and the only person I've lived with and had a sexual relationship with, everybody else was just roommates. I also know the trouble of trying to juggle a roommate and a girlfriend (there's some great cosmic rule that says they won't ever get along... and if they do they'll leave your life "together" if you know what I mean), which is another good reason to co-hab. In the end I do think co-habing helps you know if the relationship will work, there's no truer test of the bonds of love than two grouchy non-morning people trying to get ready for work in the morning with only one bathroom. Any relationship that can survive that is in good shape.

[FreedomFriend]

Cohabitation didn't save you. Look at all the studies, cohabitation plays a part in divorce, for the whole time one is "getting the milk", or living with someone, they really haven't grown deep enough in a relationship to know whether they are right for one another. That is, they have placed a sexual element or lust, mind you, into the equation that the values, beliefs, true growth, etc., things that allow for a marriage to survive, are overshadowed. Hence, just as when premarital sex is occurring, cohabitation with premarital sex is a recipe for disaster, as people become "blinded by lust".

While the number of people who are engaging in premarital sexual relations occurs in large numbers of non-cohabitating individuals, the percentage of of premarital relations is higher among cohabitating individuals and, hence, a higher divorce rate.

So, MOST LIKELY TO STAY MARRIED: Non-Cohabitating/Non premarital sexaul relations.
LESS LIKELY TO STAY MARRIED: Cohabitating/Non-premarital Sexual relations
Even Less Likely to Stay Married: Non-Cohabitating/Premarital Sexual relations
LEAST LIKELY TO STAY MARRIED: Cohabitating/premarital Sexual Relations.

[Sangamon Kid]

How is it that some of you are so quick to proclaim America's Chrisitian heritage and moral superiority, and yet have no clue when it comes to the foundational teaching of Christ concerning marraige? No wonder this country is disintegrating before our eyes.

[nightdriver]

"What percentage of first time marriages succeed compared to first time co-habitations?'

Just what constitutes a "successful" cohabitation? One where "He ain't killed her yet?"

[Rogle]

and I suppose you think that the excuses listed above allows you to set aside what you know is right and good. No I view them as reason not excuses. When the social field is un-level then other alternative must be sought.

[Sangamon Kid]

I will lay odds your daughter receives very few second dates after meeting you, if she were smart then she would meet them far away from your influence. I mean the girl is twenty and is still taking dating advice from her father, I smell issues.

First, my daughter doesn't "date". Second, it is she who seeks out my counsel, and she will continue to take advice from me until she says "I do." to the man that is being prepared for her. Third, it is you who has the issues. To you good is evil, and evil is good.

[TightSqueeze]

You certainly spend a lot of energy being concerned about the sexual habits and living arrangements of adult people who seem to not be related to you. Do you find this preoccupation a little odd? Have you discussed this problem with a professional, sounds like you need to get through something in your own life. To me it seems like you might threaten to hold your breath until you turn blue if we don’t acknowledge your rant.

[Sangamon Kid]

When the social field is un-level then other alternative must be sought.

A classic example of situation ethics.

[Springman]

Bump for later.

[nanny]

My daughter is 28 and I still give her advice. She seldom takes it, but I still try. It is my job. My son is 35 ditto.

If the 20 year old daughter takes the advice - good for her, even if she does remain unmarried until she is 60. Is it better for her to have a succession of failed 'cohabitations'? It doesn't seem so to me, but I realize I am of a different generation.

[goo goo g'joob]

...governed by an ethic of low commitment...

you could stick this on a broad brush and paint a number of society's current ills

[Rogle]

No it is called survival and wanting the best for my kid. I never said it was right

[Sangamon Kid]

...wanting the best for my kid.

Better explain to me how immorality can ever be "best" for your kid.

[discostu]

Maybe you just don't understand the mathematics of today's society. The way things work now a husband who can't stand his wife is better off killing her than divorcing her. Kill her and your money will sit in the bank until you get out which if you plea bargain down to manslaughter (not hard to do if you don't try to hide the crime) with time off for good behavior is around 8 years. Divorce her and she gets the house the car half the contents of the house half the money in the bank and will get half (at least) of your income for the rest of your life, and God help you if you're ever unemployed the payments won't go down and she can have you thrown in jail for missing them. A man has got to consider the mathematics before entering into marriage.

[APBaer]

"she trusts that God is preparing a young man who will be a perfect mate for her.

Sound hokey?"

I'll pass on characterizing..

But, to paraphrase, did God prepare a young woman (Miss Hillary) who would be a perfect mate for young Willie Clinton?