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JACKSON ACCUSES SONY MUSIC CHIEF OF STEALING HIS NOSE
Borowitz Report ^ | 7-7 | Borowitz

Posted on 07/07/2002 5:27:17 PM PDT by cd jones

MICHAEL JACKSON ACCUSES SONY MUSIC CHIEF OF STEALING HIS NOSE

Blames Failure of Most Recent Record on Lack of Nose

Once-popular pop singer Michael Jackson leveled new attacks at his record
label today, accusing Sony Music chief Tommy Mottola of stealing his nose.

Crisscrossing Manhattan with the Reverend Al Sharpton, Wacko Jacko singled
out Mr. Mottola as the author of a plot to purloin his precious facial
feature, which Lloyds of London has valued at well over $48 million.

"Tommy Mottola, give me my nose back, or your nose will burn in hell," Mr.
Jackson said to increasingly perplexed crowds.

Mr. Jackson blamed the worldwide failure of his last record, the
ironically titled "Invincible", on the fact that he wrote, produced, and
recorded the tracks without a nose.

While reluctant to comment on his allegations, record industry insiders
were surprised to see Mr. Jackson accompanied by Reverend Sharpton, an
African American, since Mr. Jackson's fan base is principally composed of
European and Japanese teenagers who are under the impression that Mr.
Jackson is still popular in the U.S.

For his part, Mr. Mottola released a tersely worded statement denying any
knowledge of the whereabouts of the erstwhile King of Pop's nose.

"It is my recollection that when Michael Jackson signed with Sony Music
his nose had already gone missing," the statement read.

The mystery of Mr. Jackson's missing nose may be near resolution, however,
as a source close to Winona Ryder revealed that the embattled actress is
about to acknowledge that she is in possession of the Grammy-winning
artist's nose.

"Winona didn't mean to steal Michael Jackson's nose," the source said.
"She thought she had paid for it when she put it in her handbag."


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: humor; jackson; sharpton
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To: SeeRushToldU_So
I think Bubbles the Chimp had it last.
21 posted on 07/07/2002 7:49:38 PM PDT by bootless
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
What did you do today? You are on a roll with these funny remarks

You must mean my lack of sleep. I am doing midnights.

22 posted on 07/07/2002 8:14:18 PM PDT by SeeRushToldU_So
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To: SeeRushToldU_So
Ok then......lack of sleep explains it......lol.......I don't get funny with lack of sleep, but I do get called a different word with 5 letters, beginning with a b_ _ _ _. lol
23 posted on 07/07/2002 8:23:36 PM PDT by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: cd jones
Oh come on now ! Last year it was his A$$.
24 posted on 07/07/2002 8:45:38 PM PDT by exmoor
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To: Bubba_Leroy
In viewing your photo of the weirdo, I must say if that is his nose, then he should be thankful that it is missing.
Some folk never know when they got it good.
25 posted on 07/07/2002 8:50:36 PM PDT by ladyinred
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To: cd jones

A smacko from Jacko.

Michael M. Bates: My Side of the Swamp

26 posted on 07/07/2002 8:55:11 PM PDT by mikeb704
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To: Grim
All of Jeff Koons' carpola is worth a hurl alert.
27 posted on 07/07/2002 8:56:02 PM PDT by L.N. Smithee
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To: mikeb704
A smacko from Jacko.

Rev. Al looks sad.

28 posted on 07/07/2002 9:02:15 PM PDT by bootless
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To: Bubba_Leroy
The resemblance is striking, isn't it?

I was thinking Whackedson was going to sue Tim Burton for using his likeness without his permission...come to think of it, that would make more sense than what he is talking about nowadays.

29 posted on 07/07/2002 9:03:55 PM PDT by L.N. Smithee
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To: bootless
Rev. Al looks sad.

Not to mention a tad scared.

30 posted on 07/08/2002 5:44:00 AM PDT by mikeb704
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To: mikeb704
To be sure. "I'm tellin' ya, Jacko, don't you touch me!!"
31 posted on 07/08/2002 8:35:52 AM PDT by bootless
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To: cd jones
In one of Howard Stern books (I forget which) he talks about meeting Jackson and he kept a handkerchief over his nose most of the time, but Howard did get a peek, and it looked like his nose was falling off. Howard assumed it was due to one too many plastic surgeries.
32 posted on 07/08/2002 12:49:07 PM PDT by bigjoesaddle
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To: cd jones
EVOLUTION

......
..........1972................................................................1984..........................................................2000

33 posted on 07/09/2002 6:22:14 PM PDT by Rebelbase
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