Posted on 07/05/2002 8:59:48 PM PDT by Shermy
I recently got an anonymous email bearing a long list of habits common in Kenyan men that our women can't stand. The list accuses us of habits like letting out farts without regard to the unsuspecting members of the public who are not particularly thrilled by our orifice abilities. She tabled a long sheet of ills and as much as we admit that some of our kind can be bizarre let's not forget one thing. Our women are not any better. By sending me this list, the anonymous writer opened a Pandora's box for I know which side my bread is buttered. So without further ado, allow me to table the habits women have that men hate.
1. Freebies
When you come across an all-woman street parade, carrying placards written, 'Give us freedom!' it's nothing to do with the noble ideals that the Mau Mau had. What they mean is free tickets, free movies, free drinks, free lunches, free rides, free, free, free! Come on girls. Pay your share, that's what equality is all about.
2. Whining
You only imagine you have a problem until a Kenyan woman tells you what's bothering her. The gravity of the body language, vocal variety, speech and tone variation, will bring tears to your eyes. How many times have you heard a woman go, 'Ooh No!' sending you rushing panic-stricken to the scene in anticipation of discovering perhaps a mutilated body only to discover she chipped a nail.
3. Back stabbing
I never understood this. How can someone be your best friend yet you have so much negative stuff to say about them? 'Your best friend wants your boyfriend, she's trying to get cosy with your dad to make you jealousy, blah, blah'. Most women love complaining about their supposed best friends. In the male dictionary, we call it back stabbing. If you have a problem with someone, there are two ways of going about it. You either square it verbally, physically or otherwise or shut up because we are tired of hearing about friends who want to steal your boyfriend, who want to copy your decorating style, who are copying your hairstyle, dressing style etc.
4. Pigeoning
This is ridiculous. You invite a girl for a date and she shows up with a support group in these hard economic times. I call them the 'Hip girls' for they are joined at the hip. They go to the bathroom together, laugh the same, walk the same, dress the same and they will be hovering around like hawks so you can forget all chances of dispensing those serious love lines you had in mind.
5. Copying dressing
It's as though someone sends out a memo every six-months stating, 'It's black hipsters through to November 2002'. What follows is religious adherence to the fashion decree. It doesn't matter that the majority of women are inadequately shaped to look glamorous in these outfits. Visiting foreigners usually spot women all dressed in spaghetti tops and are heard to enquire, 'Is this the national dress?'
6. Abusing generosity
According to the grapevine, some of these women were weaned on Tusker. Why is it then, that every time a man is spending his hard earned cash buying the drinks it has to be 'the green stuff in a test tube' simply because it costs a steal. Dinners can be especially annoying, as some women will order the most expensive item on the menu only to discover that Japanese tuna doesn't taste like Tilapia. They will toy with the food before finally abandoning the expensive meal hardly touched as you watch in horror. A few hours later, they are spotted trying to stuff a loaf of bread and milk into an undersized handbag from the neighbourhood kiosk.
7.Interrupting great sporting moments
Help me out here. It's Brazil versus Germany, the World Cup grand finale and what does the girl have to say, 'Ah, yah, yah, Ronaldo's legs‚ are sawa!'. For crying out loud!!
8. Playing hard to get
It is pretty obvious she more than fancies you so she plays the Rules and every time you try to make a move, she reaches out for a restraining clause from the great Rules
book. 'Never call a man unless he has called you 10 times within the last 24 hours.
Always end the phone conversation first' and a whole lot of useless strategies that only aid in sending men off in the opposite direction. For heaven's sake, if you like a man, quit playing games. This is the 21st Century so there is nothing special about being rejected. It happens to guys all the time.
9.Blaming all men
All men can't be bad. Just because you got dumped six times by the same guy doesn't mean all men are like your serial dumper.
There are lots of perfect gentlemen out there, just don't ask me where you can find them. Look out for them.
10.Lost and can't be found
Whenever you lend out musical CDs and videotapes to some women, it takes a Global Positioning Satellite device and the intervention of the Interpol to track them down. They will lose your precious Hugh Masekela CD and go, 'Woyee! I am sorry'.If you can't look after borrowed stuff, don't borrow.
11. Invisible girl.
Ever paid gate charges to a night club for the kind of woman who will then varnish into the smoke and human mass only to show up at well-timed intervals to demand a drink. Leeches!
12. Call girl
You are having a quiet drink with your date, hoping to get some quality time but her damn cell phone won't stop ringing and it's always some man who been chasing her since kindergarten. Next thing she wants to give you an incident by incident account of all the losers she is not interested in but who keep pestering her. Trust me, it takes a lot of willpower to suppress the yawns.
13. Smoking
I have no problem with smokers. Toast your lungs for all I care but what I can't stand is women who think lighting up is the coolest thing since canned beer. Observe the bar counter next time you are out clubbing. If you spot a pack of cigarettes and a fancy lighter (you guessed right), it's another woman showing off her cancer sticks.
14. Sneering
Didn't your mother ever tell you that sneering encourages wrinkling? A beautiful woman walks in; stops by to greet your man and immediately the sneers begin. Most women particularly like sneering at their supposed inferiors. Don't do it because men think it's rude.
15. Running girl
Why do girls run like ducks, hands flipping in the air, feet moving sideways? They remind me of the Australian platypus, the only mammal I know that runs like a duck. Girls in school run like normal people. So what happens when they grow older? Is that how they run in the movies these days or do certain body parts get in the way? Go figure it out.
pala.o@jay.net
Posted for discussion purposes and does not necessarily reflect this poster's views. :)
Don't you just hate it when that happens?
CYA? Yep, got flamed a bit by mail and posts on last week's thread. :)
Don't have the list, but his e-mail is given.
The "Saturday Magazine" section of this paper has more "Women's" stories about clothes, cheating husbands, etc. so I guess they brought in this chap for "balance." Always a good read.
Right on! Why should men be expected to put the seat down? Some lazy rebels I know exact revenge by not ever bothering to raise the seat, depending instead on their rather errant aim while draining the lizard.
Men wear black at both weddings and funerals, especially the groom.
People bring flowers to both weddings and funerals.
When a man gets married his male friends notice he has dissapeared from the planet and hasn't been heard of since.
The same is true of course when he finally kicks the bucket.
The three stages of Love. Lust, infatuation and the empty bank account.
DING DING DING. Me Mum was famous for that. Serve Sunday dinner right in the middle of the football game...stand in front of the TV and say "GAME OVER". After about 5 years of torture, she bought folding individual tables and allowed us to watch the Detroit Lions lose yet again as we ate her feast in front of the TV, I'll give her credit for that.
How do you say "honey, I wasn't paying any attention to the babble?"
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