Posted on 06/16/2002 5:00:45 AM PDT by mhking
We got home last night after being out much of the afternoon, and I received a distressing e-mail: It is with deep sorrow that I must tell you that Rodney O. Lain took his own life yesterday. Irma called my wife this afternoon and informed her of the news.
Rodney was just here with me in Atlanta three weeks ago; he was down for his brother's college graduation. We grabbed a few drinks, and gabbed for hours. I had no clue that anything like this was in the offing. Regulars to Mac message boards or sites may be familiar with his regular musings on MacObserver.com or his own site iBrotha.com. He worked full time for UPS in Minneapolis, and part time in Apple's store in Mall of America.
Rodney struggled for several years with depression.
Rodney was the brightest, most creative man I have ever met. He was more than just a black guy who taught me what racism does to people. He was my friend. He was my brother. He was such a good friend I never even thought of him in terms of race, but as a great and gifted human being.
Now he is gone to where there will be no more pain. No more worries about seratonin levels. No more fears from being abandoned as a child. No more racism. No more pain from having his faith violated by his former religion.
Dammit Rodney why didn't you take your pills??
Pray for Irma. She's got a rough week ahead. A funeral date has not yet been set.
Bill Ferguson
PS: A special thanks to all his fans in the Apple Computer world. There was nothing Rodney loved more than Mac Computers and writing about them. He always wanted to be the black Guy Kawasaki, he idolized Steve Jobs, he made it as far as working in the Apple Store in the Mall of America, and writing for several web-zines. One thing is for certain, writing and Mac's were his love in life.
--
William Ferguson, ferguson@quango.net on 15/06/2002
He and I had become good friends over the last year or so - fellow travelers, if you will - we shared a lot of insight on writing and politics and life. I was planning on introducing him to FR soon; he was a black conservative himself, and just finding out that there were more of us out there than he realized.
I'm still in shock this morning.
It's a hell of a way to spend Father's Day.
It makes me more thankful for my family here, and to know that they love me, but this is still a shock to the system. So I ask for your prayers for Rodney's wife, Irma. I have never met her, nor talked to her, but she does need prayers through a difficult week.
And to be selfish (and I apologize in advance for my selfishness), I could use your prayers as well - this one hurts.
Carolyn
May all of you look to Him for comfort and peace now.
May God wrap his loving arms around you both, and protect your broken hearts.
Part of escaping that hell, however, was dying to self and thinking of others. Not the "It's a Wonderful Life" realization of how much you've meant to folks (I was a stand-offish selfish jerk myself, hardly the stuff of the self-sacrificing Jimmy Stewart). Rather, it's a real appreciation for how much you yet can do to beat the clock and how awful it would be to continue making others suffer.
So, my experience was more or less like that of Scrooge and realizing I wasn't dead already after all ... that there still was time to make the rounds and gift others as best I could after the example of Christ.
I believe modern therapy (and medication) mostly keeps folks comfortably numb and perpetually focused on finding someone or something to blame and/or some means to rationalize or feel "okay" about one's plight as a way of maintenance of the problems they're "dealing with". But, absent a recognition of one's own obligations (and sometimes culpability through lack of self will or other failure), there's really no hope of substantively changing the equation because the person never actually takes control of their own life ... particularly the life of their mind (or soul).
I think history shows that those in control of same are able always to endure the unspeakable in oppression, hardship, torture and alienation that drive others to despair, insanity or suicide. It's true that history is a vale of tears. Better to place your hope in the enduring and true.
My finally letting go of the suicidal bent was rooted in nothing but the realization that was one bit of pain I could spare my folks ... having put them through the wringer for years. It was a start.
Rememberance and Hope.
Kristy
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