Posted on 06/04/2002 10:08:50 AM PDT by GulliverSwift
I remember watching an episode of the Simpsons where the family saw an advertisement on TV for an exhibition soccer game at Springfield Stadium. The whole family was excited: "Yeah!!!"
So they went to the game, and all the characters, Crusty, Moe, the Simpsons, etc, were there. The teams were South American and you could hear the announcer calling the play-by-play with a Spanish accent.
The crowd was excited and cheering at first. And the Mexican announcer was excited the whole time as he said,
"He kicks the ball to Sanchez! He kicks the ball to Rodrigez! He kicks the ball to Sanchez! He kicks the ball to Rodrigez! He kicks the ball to Sanchez!"
The announcer's voice was shouting with anticipation as he described the exciting action of Sanchez and Rodrigez passing the ball back and forth (sounds like great World Cup action). The crowd was excited at first, but after four minutes, they fell silent. Then Homer shouted out, "Boring!!!"
To any of you Eurotrash, now you know why we can't stand soccer, or "football" as you Euro-femmes call it. It's BORING. Our football, the real football, is an improvement on the feminine type. Basketball is inovative, baseball is inovative, but soccer.... You kick the @$#&% ball back and forth for two hours--lots of drama!!!!.......and the score is 1-0.
Whew, with action like that, I don't know if I can keep from fainting!
The only reason why soccer is around the world is because of British and Spanish colonialism. We booted the Brits out before the bland game could be invented, and Brits being the boring females that they are, invented a game where you are required to kick a ball for 30 minutes before scoring a point.
So you may be wondering why the soccer "craze" hasn't caught on in the only country where men have more swimming clothes on their body than women. It's because we've got games that actually took creativity and innovation to invent.
If we wanted to be bored with something that's two hours and results in a score of 1-0, we'd watch a featherweight boxing match. Or a debate between Al Gore and George Bush.
Who do I want to win? Portugal or the U.S.?
I DON'T CARE!!
Ummm, nobody?
Off the top of my head
Goalkeepers: Brad Friedel, Kasey Keller, Tony Meola
Defenders: Tonny Sanneh, Frankie Hedjuk, David Regis, Eddie Pope, Carlos Llamosa, Jeff Agoos, Pablo Mastroeni, Steve Cherundulo
Midfielders: Claudio Reyna, John O'brien, Ernie Stewart, Landon Donovan, Cobi Jones, Demarcus Beasley, Eddie Lewis.
Forwards: Clint Mathis, Brian Mcbride, Joe-Max Moore, Josh Wolff.
But then again, I am a fan boy. US vs Portugal tonight at 5AM EDT, 2am PDT
Legally, Tony is still on and with the team and could prove to be an asset IF both our goalkeepers get run over by a car.
Frankly, he should have been dropped this year for John Gregg or some other young hotshot. But the "Good Old Boy" system continues. I told you before. That is what is wrong with our system. Politics.
I can name you 30 goalies better than Tony Meola to be a back-up. Just thank the lord the big Red Headed guy defender is gone. Can't remember his name just now.
Fair enough. But let's all admit it: whenever there's a World Cup, there are 300 million Americans who just don't care.
And we'll never care. Ask the of morons who've gone bankrupt over the last thirty years, thinking that the US was finally, finally, ready to love "the World Game." Like a tribe of headhunters, we'll boil your soccer missionaries in red ink and lay out their shrunken hides as a warning -- the NASL, the MISL, XYZSL.
Sorry, 'footie' enthusiasts, the MSL is headed for the same graveyard. This 'Major League' is strictly single-A minor, a joke that is somewhere lower on the sports food chain than Arena Football-2. Due to the embarrassingly sparse crowds at Soldier Field, the 'Chicago' Fire now plays in a high school football stadium in Naperville. And they still can't fill it up.
These guys are born competitors and for grins I would put Tony Gonzalez a 6' 9" Pro Bowl Tight End who plays NBA at keeper.
The Kansas City Star (home of the US Premeire League Champs (MLS) on Sunday already picked a team of our athletes in any sport to dominate the World Cup.
But I wouldn't bet on it happening.
This might sound a little strange- but what the hell exactly is a "soccer mom"? I had never heard that phrase when I left the States but I see it a lot on this forum and others. I think I understand what it is from context- but I'm not sure. It seems to have something to do with the suburbs and liberals and soccer but after that I'm basically clueless on the subject. Who are these women and where did they come from? I'm serious, I truly don't know what a soccer mom is.
So if you are in New York, it will be 7.30 a.m., and if in L.A. 4.30 a.m.
Pretty early, but I'm sure you'll hear me roaring across the Atlantic to wake ye ;-)
I think his show would translate all over the globe pretty well, but the Euros might not be ready for 'Van Smack,' or the 'Pimp in a Box' as he is called
They drive SUV's, are middile of the road to liberal and care mostly about issues pertaining to their kids and families.
And soccer was chosen because it is not a violent sport with much risk of terrible injury, so naturally the mom's gravitate towards it.
Seems like a certain unnamed continent has some real insecurity issues.
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