Why Do We All Hate Soccer? Any Euro FReepers?

Me

[GulliverSwift]

I remember watching an episode of the Simpsons where the family saw an advertisement on TV for an exhibition soccer game at Springfield Stadium. The whole family was excited: "Yeah!!!"

So they went to the game, and all the characters, Crusty, Moe, the Simpsons, etc, were there. The teams were South American and you could hear the announcer calling the play-by-play with a Spanish accent.

The crowd was excited and cheering at first. And the Mexican announcer was excited the whole time as he said,

"He kicks the ball to Sanchez! He kicks the ball to Rodrigez! He kicks the ball to Sanchez! He kicks the ball to Rodrigez! He kicks the ball to Sanchez!"

The announcer's voice was shouting with anticipation as he described the exciting action of Sanchez and Rodrigez passing the ball back and forth (sounds like great World Cup action). The crowd was excited at first, but after four minutes, they fell silent. Then Homer shouted out, "Boring!!!"

To any of you Eurotrash, now you know why we can't stand soccer, or "football" as you Euro-femmes call it. It's BORING. Our football, the real football, is an improvement on the feminine type. Basketball is inovative, baseball is inovative, but soccer.... You kick the @$#&% ball back and forth for two hours--lots of drama!!!!.......and the score is 1-0.

Whew, with action like that, I don't know if I can keep from fainting!

The only reason why soccer is around the world is because of British and Spanish colonialism. We booted the Brits out before the bland game could be invented, and Brits being the boring females that they are, invented a game where you are required to kick a ball for 30 minutes before scoring a point.

So you may be wondering why the soccer "craze" hasn't caught on in the only country where men have more swimming clothes on their body than women. It's because we've got games that actually took creativity and innovation to invent.

If we wanted to be bored with something that's two hours and results in a score of 1-0, we'd watch a featherweight boxing match. Or a debate between Al Gore and George Bush.

Who do I want to win? Portugal or the U.S.?

I DON'T CARE!!

[codebreaker]

Actually the guy from Brazil might be suspended for faking an injury.

[codebreaker]

Love the speech and the movie.

[codebreaker]

Perhaps they should make he rink bigger.

[x]

What made soccer so successful was the working class, beer-drinking culture that took it to heart and made it the center of their community life. I guess that's true of most team sports. Soccer just got there first in Europe, South America, and much of the rest of the world. Here it had to limp in afterwards and only pick up a marginal, middle-class suburban demographic.

It's a bit like lacrosse. If the Native American Indians were still playing lacrosse and bringing all their passion to it, it would be much more exciting than when the sort of East Coast suburban high school jocks that are so hard to take play it. And when squash or cricket hits the 'hood big time, watch out.

There have been suggestions made to make the game more appealing to Americans and other hold-outs: a smaller field, a wider goal, a shot clock, shorter periods. Unfortunately, traditionalists who like the game as it is will block such measures, and they probably won't have much success over here anyway.

[Prodigal Son]

What is truly getting my goat is the fact that the Americans have a decent team who are playing in an important match tomorrow...and so few people care. For God's sake, these men strove and fought to get to the top level of their sport and now is the big challenge...and what do I hear? "Oh it's a sport for Euro-weenies". The men who are going out to represent your country tomorrow don't think so. At the very least, given what they are doing, those who do should maintain a respectful silence.

I care about that match and I hope the USA stuns Portugal. It is a dream for me that the USA would win the Cup (I know, realistically- it aint happening but that would make it sweeter). It would be interesting to see how the rest of the world reacted and I think it would serve to dampen a lot of the anti American rhetoric we hear from some European nations- say what you want about 'em the Europeans would have to respect that.

I really hope they beat Portugal mainly because they need to win group "D" if they want to make it any further afterwards- IMHO. If they are the runner up in D- they will most likely face Italy- not good. If they were to win, on the other hand, Mexico (who I think will be runner up in group G) might offer the USA more reason to hope.

I'm hoping England destroy Argentina as well- and Nigeria for that matter. England faces the same scenario as the US- if they're runner up and get past the round of 16 there is a high probability that they would face Brazil in the quarter finals- where as if they win Group F and advance to the quarters likely opponents would be Turkey, Russia, Costa Rica or Japan. That's better odds there.

Let's hope England comes out firing on all cylinders and that Beckham is fit for a world class performance.

[John H K]

An additional issue as to why kids play soccer is that it's a sport where the parent never has to bother playing it with your kid.

Drive through any suburb in the US. You might see a father playing baseball catch with his son in the yard, playing basketball with his sons in the driveway, or tossing a football around with him.

In my entire life, I've never seen a parent kicking around a soccer ball in the front yard with a son or daughter (actually, I can't remember any kids playing soccer "informally"...in the US, ALL soccer is played as part of organized leagues. Kids basically never get together to play it on their own on a field, unless they're recent immigrants or something. Sadly, baseball is going the same way, but you'll still see neighborhood wiffleball games and such.)

[Pablo64]

"What Culture ?!"

Ouch! LOL!

[AGreatPer]

"It would break my heart to see another baseball strike that takes away the World Series."

At the risk of changing subjects on this post, I would stongly recommend that the players go on strike so the boring United States Series can't take place. The term "World Series" in baseball is a joke, and you know it.

[John H K]

I have an (enormous) nephew that is one of the best under-19 year old Rugby props in the country. Played football, too (got screwed by an incompetent coaching staff) but liked Rugby more. I'm gradually figuring out Rugby; it's pretty cool.

Rugby's a fine sport, and growing in popularity. So I don't hate soccer because it's foreign, it's because it sucks.

Knowledgeable people who have played both don't run around calling football players "wusses." Rugby is a violent sport, but the rules are designed to eliminate high-speed collisions of players going in OPPOSITE directions; you can't block, and virtually all the tackling is running someone down from behind or an angle from behind. THAT'S why football players need all that equipment..the high speed collisions in opposite directions.

[Pablo64]

I see that we agree on soccor, but...I'm afraid I'll have to part ways with you on baseball. As far as a spectator sport (for me anyway) it comes in second behind soccor in the boring category. There is far too much standing around, spitting, scratching, more spitting and scratching, more standing around, etc., between any actual playing of the game. When I was younger (i.e., when my knees would tolerate it) I really enjoyed playing baseball (and softball), but even then, I could hardly stand to watch it.

But hey, we can at least hate soccor together!!

[MarcusMartialis]

I don´t see Portugal as such a clear favourite against USA. Most of their veteran players are past their best times, but they are sacred cows you can not get rid of. Take Figo for example, considered the best player in the world in 2000. I have seen him playing for Real Madrid in the last months... For the team, he was a black hole in the right. He lost each and every ball he received. It is hard to say, but he is done.

I have not watched the US team, but I assume they are fit, balanced and well trained. Portugal is not. So America can win.

[Da_Shrimp]

BTW, I hate the way the rest of the world calls soccer "football", it ain't even close to the king of sports, American football!

Ermm.. but we called it 'football' about 800 years ago, so we kind of got there first, really.

Pretty descriptive name, too, if you think about it: after all, the ball is kicked with the foot.

[Dan from Michigan]

I don't think there was a more TALENTED RB than Barry, ever.

I was trying to think of a superstar that was as well known from Detroit as Beckham is in England. Barry and Yzerman are the only two I can think of, and Yzerman was in Gretzky and Lemieux's shadow for most of his career.

[Revolting cat!]

What we're seeing here is a vast cultural gap. Soccer, or futbol, or as the rest of the world correctly call it, football, is completely foreign to the American understanding of sports. We don't like watching futbol for the same reason we don't like watching track and field, long distance running or bicycle racing. In our games, a play cannot last more than 7 seconds, even if it's followed by three minutes of commercial interruptions (as in the kind of football that is played with one's armpits more than one's foots!) Futbol, like bicycle racing, is a long drama that you have to follow and become emotionally involved in.

American football and baseball can be watched without engaging emotionally and without straining one's attention. Perfect sports for a nation with a short attention span. Futbol games can have low scores and still be exciting, although it must be said that the low scores are the effect of a defensive style in play, which was introduced by the Germans in the 60s, I think, and kinda spread. Which is why the South American futbol is so exciting - it is played offensively!

Besides, we like the kind of sports where we can call the championships matches "World Championship" (armpit football) or World Series, and always be the nation that wins!

(Can't continue, gotta run!)

[MarkL]

If you want to know a real sport, one that was invented here, check out Lacrosse!

If you're not familiar with it, it's sort of a cross between field hockey and soccer, but you get to beat on each other with clubs! In ancient days, the Indians (NA) used to play lacrosse games to settle disputes rather than going to war... Oh, and the losing team died! Pretty cool, huh?

Mark

[Stallone]

Soccer is the Premier World Sport.

Eurotrash socialists have nothing to do with the game.

[xm177e2]

Our football, the real football

They actually kick the ball with their feet most of the time. Theirs is the real football, we need some other name for our sport.

[Dan from Michigan]

The premier WORLD sport - HOCKEY!!!!!! :)

The premier American sport - Football(the hitting kind)

[Vast Buffalo Wing Conspiracy]

If you will recall that particular Simpsons episode, after the "soccer riot", Homer buys a handgun, with your typical liberal reaction from Marge, and the Simpsons writers put in some typical stereotypical know-nothing liberal humor at the expense of gun owners and NRA members.

The moral of the story is this: the writers of The Simpsons, like many liberals and many Americans, are about equally ignorant of football (ie, soccer) as they are ignorant of firearms.

American soccer bashers are just plain ignorant. They have the right to be ignorant though; so long as they do not prevent me from enjoying soccer. Unlike the gun-grabbers, they aren't trying to ban it.

[GulliverSwift]

If you don't care, why post a diatribe?

Posting this was not hard work. If it were, I wouldn't have done it. I was enjoying some Euro-bashing. I remember reading a foreigner (don't remember the country) saying, "The Americans have not yet caught on to the spirit of soccer." Well, "not yet" will happen for many, many years.

The sports media doesn't care about soccer, but the other media, the Euro-loving media, does. That's why "savvy" urban liberals love being soccer fans.