Jerrold Nadler's press secretary's web site. Check this lunatic out.

"Me" Eric Schmeltzer's web site ^ | 5/21/02 | Eric Schmeltzer

[LarryLied]

One reason why congress should get no classified information from the Bush administration:

I am the Press Secretary and Speech Writer for Representative Jerrold Nadler. Yeah, can you believe it? Even with this insane website on the internet, they still let me work for a United States Congressman! As my good friend and inspiration, Yakov Smirnov, used to say -- "Vhat a country!"

ME
Whattya wanna know about Da Schmeltz?

Welcome To The Professional World of Eric Schmeltzer
Please hire me!! Check it out! I'm good!

WACKY
Oh man, I don't know if you can handle... THE LINKS!

A futher sampling of Eric Schmeltzer's web site:

NAME:
Eric M. Schmeltzer, D.A. (Doctorus Amori (The Love Doctor)

AGE:
Old Enough to drink, have sex, and shoot a gun. 26. (June 3, 1975 -- A Very Funky Year, Indeed)

GENDER:
All man, baby. ALLLLLLLLL man.

SIZE:
Why? Am I making you horny? Let's shag, baby!

It's not the size, but how I use it. But I will tell you I'm 6'2".

And I have elephantitis of the genitals. YEAH, BABY!! YEAH!!

FAMOUS?
You bet your patootie I am!! Check out what Don King once called my "multitudilicious quotationiacal offericiciousnessly ponderouslings..."

All you need do is check out the google.com search on me! My monkey-ass is all over the place! Me on other pages, quoted in the news, etc.

[LarryLied]

Did you catch the graphic in #193?

(hint...hint)

Hemingway's Ghost...PJ-Comix...Eric is the perfect poster boy for all Democrat staffers. What do you think of a parody of his web site? Can something that juvenile be parodied?

Perhaps his name could be made into an admonition bosses on the Hill use: "Don't be such an Eric Schmeltzer!"

[connectthedots]

I'd like to know who Nadler gets to wipe his rear end when he takes a dump. He can't possibly be able to reach that far to do it himself

[sheik yerbouty]

One on each side of the East River!

[LarryLied]

Eric Schmeltzer on his High School years:

And although I was a pretty big dork, I was amongst a select group of dorks! The Play Fags. . .

(today) I probably wield more power than Tom Stretton (a HS teacher). I live in Washington, DC and constantly meet people 2000 times more powerful than him. My job probably has a zillion times more to do with the fate of the nation than what Doc (Stretton) does with his days.

I have to say, any girls who liked me in High School (and you know who you are), I was a total doofus and probably didn't realize you were interested. So please send me an email (ESchmeltzer@publicampaign.org) because I think I finally matured to the level of an 18-year-old!¹

[NotJustAnotherPrettyFace]

He mentions Syracuse as his college in a couple of places. And yes, they do have a great Communications Dept.

[smith288]

The Chandra Levy discovery is taking away the focus from this Press Secretary. Me thinks there is a plot stemming from the very desk of Jerrold Nadler trying to bump our story down. ;)

[NYC GOP Chick]

"Easier on the eyes" than Nadler? Well, that's setting the bar quite low, isn't it? :-D

Besides being handsome, Buyer is a solid conservative Republican who earned my everlasting gratitude for being a House Manager. And his votes in the aftermath of the WTC attacks have been better for us than Nadler's.

[Registered]

So, your theory is that Nadler regurgitated Levy back up so he could plant the bones in the park in order to cover up for his wacko Press Secretary? Sounds like a credible theory to me ;-)

[Silly]

Check the bones for stomach acid (there's a good Country and Western song title).

And call me...

[LarryLied]

More wit from Eric Schmeltzer:

Georgy Boy
09.13.99
By Eric Schmeltzer

Even though I'm a bleeding heart liberal and ardent Clinton defender, I like George W. Bush. What's not to like about "W?" His policy and record in Texas? Maybe. The fact that he was a rich playboy with no real goal in life until he realized that his dad could get him some nifty jobs? Perhaps. Despite all of this, I still smile when I see Junior Bush on the TV, or read about him in the paper. Shoot, I may even vote for the guy.

Why?

I think it is the same reason that I am a huge fan of Chris Farley of Saturday Night Live fame. It could be the worst of days, but if I see "Matt Foley: Inspirational Speaker" or Farley dressed up as one of the Gap Girls, I feel better. And I like to feel better.

And nothing makes me feel better than watching a coked-up buffoon make a total jackass out of himself. Maybe that's why I like politics' own "Tommy Boy," George W. Bush.

Is it fair of me to call our man W a coke-head? Shoot, you tell me! George hasn't snorted nose candy in either the past 7 years, or 25 years, or 20 to 30 years, or won't say, depending on what day of the week it is. If you think Bill Clinton is slick for saying he "didn't inhale," George Bush has got to be lubed up with Crisco and Vaseline. . . . . MORE

[Ohioan]

So much for our "best and brightest".......

You would have to go back to pre-1850 days to expect to find the best and brightest taking jobs in Washington. (With some few exceptions, probably pre-1824 days.)

Washington has been a cesspool for the most sleazy and least competent since FDR. That is the advantage of remote Government. The electorate cannot see all of the sleezebags their elected representatives hire.

Of course, in this case, one can only inquire whether the staffer has quite fallen to the level of his principal?

William Flax Return Of The Gods Web Site

[smith288]

Yea...Nadler had her stored in his 3d stomach all this time.

[hellinahandcart]

"Easier on the eyes" than Nadler? Well, that's setting the bar quite low, isn't it? :-D

I'm one of those low-maintenance girls. I don't ask much. If they're all easier on the eyes than Nadler, I'm happy.

Okay, one of my pretend-senators is Rudy, who beat Schumer in a landslide in 2004 (did I mention I'm also living in pretend-2005 now?) I'm still making up my mind about who's going to knock Hillary off her perch.

[hellinahandcart]

You know, Larry, it's been three days. I can't believe Long Dong hasn't dropped in for a little chat by now, or at least sent in a ringer.

[NYC GOP Chick]

I'd rather Rudy kick the chinless bitch's ass. She needs to lose in a massive landslide -- one that makes Reagan's '84 victory look like a squeaker.

[smith288]

Another bttt!

[Registered]

Ahhh, Conservative media is letting us down....BUMP.

[smith288]

Calling Mr Hannity, Mr Hannity, your needed in the hypocracy Isle -- bttt

[LarryLied]

We'll hear from him eventually. He's a PR hound. He can't put anything on the net without his name on it.

[Libertarian_4_eva]

I'd like to know who Nadler gets to wipe his rear end when he takes a dump. He can't possibly be able to reach that far to do it himself

He just takes a shower after he takes a dump! Whoa what a mess!