The point I was trying to make, didn't do it very well, was that women are inundated with stories of gun violence. Many women are convinced that if you have a gun in the home it is far more likely to be used on a family member than on a perp. I think you said it well. It's what the media has taught them, not limited to women either. IMO, we have to explain the facts to our friends, one at a time. If your friend thinks gun owners are demons (OK, a slight exageration), ask them to consider you, your values, and the fact that you are a gun owner. You're not a demon.
I agree with both of you. And I believe a shotgun is a good weapon inside city limits, especially within an apartment. A thirty-eight can travel farther than is safe. An innocent is much more likely to be injured. However, the 38 is easier to carry and a good backup IMO. I realize there are exceptions to this. I don't currently own a shotgun.