The other half of my early life was spent in charismatic evangelical territory (Four Square Gospel, The Door, nice people) and that just wasn't a good fit. Having been formed in the rather stodgy environment of Catholocism where your faith was very private all that witnessing and stuff just didn't sit well with me (not saying it's bad but when you're idea of going to church is sitting down and listening to the priest for an hour people having seizures in the aisles is pretty frightening stuff). It's taken me a LONG time to overcome that uptight attitude enough that I can even discuss religion in anything more than a theoretical level. And I still get twitchy when I see athletes yelling out to Jesus and stuff... with how I was raised it's like they just took their thing out and started wanking right there on TV (sex being the other thing that simply is absolutely private in every way).
That's really the stuff that sent me on my way. But really religion has never sat well on my personality. If there is a God He made me a very self assured self reliant person who has a hard time bending knee to actual people I can actually see and who can deliver quick clear punishment; as for bending knee to someone I just have to believe is there, that's beyond out of the question.
But I still study religions, it's fun. It's an interesting view into how people think and have thought at various times in human history. But now I study them as a third party, I'm not thinking of joining any, I'm just studying them to study (gotta do something with all these hours I'm awake).
That may just be your problem. 'Religion' is man trying to make himself good enough for God...and it never works. Christianity is God doing all of that...and then simply asking us to receive His free gift of righteousness. There is a world of difference.
If there is a God He made me a very self assured self reliant person who has a hard time bending knee to actual people I can actually see...
You sound like you have the first part that the Revolutionists who founded this Republic had figured out...their battle-cry was, "NO KING BUT JESUS!".
Means different things to different people. Near as I can tell, religion is that which links the society together. The various components of a religion, the rituals, the beliefs, held in common are the tie that binds. It's not necessary that any of it make logical sense, but acceptance of dogma by the community means at least that you can say good morning to your neighbor in familiar terms.
I know exactly how you feel about how people think and used to think throughout history.
You'll forgive me for mentioning this, but it seems to me from your brief description of your journey that what has turned you off has been the actions of people, not God. Especially in Christianity, it's very troubling to me to see all the many different human mistakes being made, even with the best intentions. I can identify with you in that aspect. But in the end, for me, I decided never to let Christians stand between me and Christ.
Christ died (and rose) to save us from religion.