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But really religion has never sat well on my personality.

That may just be your problem. 'Religion' is man trying to make himself good enough for God...and it never works. Christianity is God doing all of that...and then simply asking us to receive His free gift of righteousness. There is a world of difference.

If there is a God He made me a very self assured self reliant person who has a hard time bending knee to actual people I can actually see...

You sound like you have the first part that the Revolutionists who founded this Republic had figured out...their battle-cry was, "NO KING BUT JESUS!".

But it just doesn't work for me. If it works for you great, run with it. My battle cry would be shorter, it would just be "NO KING". That's what works for me. That's how I'm happy. A lot of adult conversions talk about a moment of clarity, of everything being really confusing and then suddenly clicking into place, of being lost and then finally figuring out their place in the world. That exact same thing happened to me, but instead of it all being triggered by accepting God into my life it was all triggered when I kicked Him out. That's when the world finally made sense for me. This is why I don't harrangue the believers, I didn't become an atheist in an act of rebellion, I did it because it was the answer for me. But I understand that we can't all have the same answer, whatever answer works for you is the one you should use.