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Entire Nation of Israel Converts to Catholicism
BSNN.NET ^
| 04/23/2002
| Lazamataz
Posted on 04/23/2002 6:35:19 AM PDT by Lazamataz
![](http://www.bsnn.net/cgi-bin/Cardinal%20Sharon.jpg)
|
As the elected leader of the newly-designated Roman Catholic State of Israel, Airel Sharon has assumed the position of Cardinal of the Israeli Diocese.
|
JERUSALEM In an effort to confuse Palestinian bombers, the entire nation of Israel converted to Catholicism today. As the Knesset met yesterday, Shlomo Benizri submitted legislation that would formally change the official religion of Israel to Christianity in general and Roman Catholicism in particular.
Speaking outside the Knesset chamber, Benizri told reporters, "If we just change religions, maybe the Palestinians won't really notice us any more."
The measure passed overwhelmingly.
Alex Plotzker, of the news organization Ha'aretz, said in a commentary Monday night: "This brilliant move by our government will certainly lower our profile in the Islamic world. And now that we are no longer Jews, there is not so much reason to hate our freakin' guts, is this not true?"
As the people of Israel struggled to adapt to the change, airlifts of Crucifixes, Stations of the Cross, little Patron Saint cards and painted statues of the Virgin Mary were being planned from the United States.
"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."
"Does that mean I have to change my name from Binyamin Chazan to Mark Masamacchi?" puzzled another.
In the Vatican, the Pope was informed of this recent development, but an ankle injury prevented him from commenting.
TOPICS: Editorial; Extended News; Israel; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: catholiclist; fakeout; haahaa; heehee; hoohoo; lazhumor; nottrue; spoof
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To: Lazamataz
To: Catholic_List
Bump!
To: Lazamataz
:) bttt
To: Lazamataz
Yes you certainly are on a roll! Thats great, thanks for the ping.
124
posted on
04/23/2002 7:38:59 PM PDT
by
Ditter
To: Ditter
I got another one in the works that not even BSNN knows about. :o)
To: Lazamataz
FUNNY!!!
Let's just make Jerusalum an international city. We could move the United Nations there! There would be no reason to fight over it!
To: Lazamataz
A little humor does destress us while discussing a very serious situation. Thanks Laz, good one.
To: DooDahhhh; MeeknMing; riley1992; 2Trievers; chainsaw; Yehuda; buffyt
Whack this puppy way up high.
To: DugwayDuke
The Southern Baptists are rank amateurs compared to the Mormons and the Jehovah Witnesses. You're certainly right about that, although many believe those two groups are "cults" and therefore don't count.
To: backhoe; Jimmy Valentine; gonzo
Two pieces I wrote for you guys....
To: Lazamataz
Welcome to Catholicism 101, the introductory course for Lapsed Catholics. I am the international spokeswoman for our little group.
To: Lazamataz
Laz, I'll try to think up something witty while I'm fixing breakfast.... back ASAP--
132
posted on
04/24/2002 4:48:42 AM PDT
by
backhoe
To: Lazamataz
You are TOO funny Laz! Hugs, 2T
To: riley1992
Can we step outside Riley? I thought I was the spokesperson ... that settles it! Whoever can speak the most Latin wins! LOL &;-)
To: 2Trievers
Whoever speaks the least Latin should win. If you speak it fluently, you either remember far too much from Catholic school or have been attending Novus Ordo Mass. Either way, you are far too good of a Catholic to win.
To: Lazamataz
Does this mean Billy Graham will complain about liberal Catholic control of the media. I always was suspicious of Bing in the "Bells of St Mary's."
136
posted on
04/24/2002 5:05:40 AM PDT
by
xzins
To: riley1992; Cagey
Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
I win! Hehe ... maybe we should let the Altarboy decide ... LOL &;-)
To: 2Trievers; Cagey
![](http://www.sigphi.org/theta/bios/alumni/rmullen.jpg)
Cagey, age 8, praying he doesn't get his vestmental robe tucked into his Spider Man underwear again.
To: riley1992
Classic! Side splitting! Awesome! &;-)
To: riley1992; Cagey
Our destiny ...
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