Entire Nation of Israel Converts to Catholicism

BSNN.NET ^ | 04/23/2002 | Lazamataz

[Lazamataz]

As the elected leader of the newly-designated Roman Catholic State of Israel, Airel Sharon has assumed the position of Cardinal of the Israeli Diocese.  

JERUSALEM —In an effort to confuse Palestinian bombers, the entire nation of Israel converted to Catholicism today. As the Knesset met yesterday, Shlomo Benizri submitted legislation that would formally change the official religion of Israel to Christianity in general and Roman Catholicism in particular. 

Speaking outside the Knesset chamber, Benizri told reporters, "If we just change religions, maybe the Palestinians won't really notice us any more."
 
The measure passed overwhelmingly. 
 
Alex Plotzker, of the news organization Ha'aretz, said in a commentary Monday night: "This brilliant move by our government will certainly lower our profile in the Islamic world. And now that we are no longer Jews, there is not so much reason to hate our freakin' guts, is this not true?"
 
As the people of Israel struggled to adapt to the change, airlifts of Crucifixes, Stations of the Cross, little Patron Saint cards and painted statues of the Virgin Mary were being planned from the United States. 

"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."
 
"Does that mean I have to change my name from Binyamin Chazan to Mark Masamacchi?" puzzled another.
 
In the Vatican, the Pope was informed of this recent development, but an ankle injury prevented him from commenting.

[hole_n_one]

Autographed copies of The Complete Guide to Yarmulka Design are going for $1,500.00 on e-bay.......

[BlessedBeGod]

Bump!

[vikingchick]

:) bttt

[Ditter]

Yes you certainly are on a roll! Thats great, thanks for the ping.

[Lazamataz]

I got another one in the works that not even BSNN knows about. :o)

[hoosiermama]

FUNNY!!!
Let's just make Jerusalum an international city. We could move the United Nations there! There would be no reason to fight over it!

[Navy Patriot]

A little humor does destress us while discussing a very serious situation. Thanks Laz, good one.

[Lazamataz]

Whack this puppy way up high.

[wimpycat]

The Southern Baptists are rank amateurs compared to the Mormons and the Jehovah Witnesses.

You're certainly right about that, although many believe those two groups are "cults" and therefore don't count.

[Lazamataz]

Two pieces I wrote for you guys....

[riley1992]

Welcome to Catholicism 101, the introductory course for Lapsed Catholics. I am the international spokeswoman for our little group.

[backhoe]

Laz, I'll try to think up something witty while I'm fixing breakfast.... back ASAP--

[2Trievers]

You are TOO funny Laz! Hugs, 2T

[2Trievers]

Can we step outside Riley? I thought I was the spokesperson ... that settles it! Whoever can speak the most Latin wins! LOL &;-)

[riley1992]

Whoever speaks the least Latin should win. If you speak it fluently, you either remember far too much from Catholic school or have been attending Novus Ordo Mass. Either way, you are far too good of a Catholic to win.

[xzins]

Does this mean Billy Graham will complain about liberal Catholic control of the media. I always was suspicious of Bing in the "Bells of St Mary's."

[2Trievers]

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.

I win! Hehe ... maybe we should let the Altarboy decide ... LOL &;-)

[riley1992]

Cagey, age 8, praying he doesn't get his vestmental robe tucked into his Spider Man underwear again.

[2Trievers]

Classic! Side splitting! Awesome! &;-)

[2Trievers]

Our destiny ...