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France Surrenders During Military Training Exercise
BFA ^

Posted on 04/22/2002 7:54:45 AM PDT by Sir Gawain

 

PARIS - France held secret military exercises in order to better prepare for an eventual surrender should they ever be attacked, say officials in the government.

According to sources, the latest military drills were successful, after six previous trials resulted in French soldiers being forced to somehow defend their country.

The training exercises, which began within days after the September 11 terrorist attacks in America, focused on a coordinated effort between the French government and its soldiers in case they are confronted by an act of the slightest aggression by a foreign government.

"The policy of of an immediate and unconditional surrender is not left up to chance as many would believe," says Jean-Pierre Le Carche, deputy assistant to the French U.N Envoy. "Every aspect is methodically planned so as not to disrupt the wonderful French way of life."

The first step, according to Le Carche, is "to apologize profusely to the angry country and then act like we didn't know anyone was mad at us. We say things like 'who us?' What? We didn't do anything wrong. We're on your side."

If the aggression continues, the government is instructed to immediately blame another country or group of people for the danger and hatred they have brought upon the true French people.

"The procedure calls for use using our country's propaganda machine — which, by the way, doubles as a wine bottler— to blame everything on either the United States, the Jews or both. Preferably both. Then we begin deporting people. Of course, who will be deported depends on the country asking. If it's the Jews, that's easy. We just hand them a list of addresses."

The third measure is invoked only if previous efforts have failed to produced results.

"Our troops are told to immediately lay on the ground like sheep. This momentarily confuses the enemy while our leaders quickly flee to Switzerland."

According to former French General Luc-Paul Didier, France has learned from its mistakes of the past, particularly during the German invasion of World War II.

"We got it all screwed up in those other wars by laying down like sheep first and then deporting people second," Didier said. "If we would have just planned a little better, we might have actually shared a beer with the German troops instead of prostituting our wives for a warm baguette.

The Official Mint of France has created commemorative statues of French surrenders throughout history.

 


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; Political Humor/Cartoons
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1 posted on 04/22/2002 7:54:46 AM PDT by Sir Gawain
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To: Victoria Delsoul; Texaggie79; dead; TomServo; nunya bidness; glock rocks; Rebelbase; Cyber Liberty
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2 posted on 04/22/2002 7:55:17 AM PDT by Sir Gawain
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Comment #3 Removed by Moderator

To: Sir Gawain

4 posted on 04/22/2002 7:57:23 AM PDT by Texaggie79
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To: Sir Gawain
BTTT for French bashing.
5 posted on 04/22/2002 7:57:39 AM PDT by In veno, veritas
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Comment #6 Removed by Moderator

To: Sir Gawain
"Cheese eating surrender monkeys."

Substitute teacher, Groundskeeper Willie to 4th Grade French Class, Springfield Elementary.

7 posted on 04/22/2002 7:58:14 AM PDT by JohnGalt
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To: Sir Gawain
Mon dieu, but this is, how you say, FLIPPIN' HILARIOUS.
8 posted on 04/22/2002 7:59:32 AM PDT by jwfiv
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To: Sir Gawain
The Frenchys are always good for a laugh! Oh and by the way we are laughing at you and not with you!
9 posted on 04/22/2002 8:00:58 AM PDT by kapn kuek
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To: Sir Gawain
The first step, according to Le Carche, is "to apologize profusely to the angry country and then act like we didn't know anyone was mad at us. We say things like 'who us?' What? We didn't do anything wrong. We're on your side."

Sounds familiar? DENY DENY DENY (SNICKER SNICKER!)

10 posted on 04/22/2002 8:01:05 AM PDT by areafiftyone
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To: Sir Gawain
Le LOL. Another French bashing bump....
11 posted on 04/22/2002 8:01:27 AM PDT by eureka!
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To: Sir Gawain
SEND IN THE MIME CORPS!


12 posted on 04/22/2002 8:07:59 AM PDT by martin_fierro
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To: Sir Gawain
I started laughing just from reading the headline...good post!
13 posted on 04/22/2002 8:09:46 AM PDT by DouglasKC
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To: Sir Gawain
LOL, in spite of the fact that one of my great-grandfathers was French (French-Canadian actually - does that count?); the Scotch/Irish/English in me has totally subdued any French tendencies.
14 posted on 04/22/2002 8:11:18 AM PDT by FairWitness
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To: Sir Gawain
Speaking of which, did anyone catch that 'It's Time To Hate the French Again!' skit on SNL? That shows gotten some balls again!
15 posted on 04/22/2002 8:12:24 AM PDT by WyldKard
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To: eureka!
Le Bump!
16 posted on 04/22/2002 8:13:26 AM PDT by SAMWolf
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To: zefrog
ping
17 posted on 04/22/2002 8:13:58 AM PDT by TomB
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To: Sir Gawain
They do it so well, they must train for it.
18 posted on 04/22/2002 8:16:03 AM PDT by Don Myers
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To: WyldKard
I didnt see that skit, but a couple of months ago the show opened with Bush in the Oval Office talking about how the French were upset with his "Axis of Evil" speech. He then said "Guess what France, you just made the list. How you like those apples France."
19 posted on 04/22/2002 8:16:55 AM PDT by Phantom Lord
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To: Sir Gawain;Mad Ivan
Mad Ivan ping
20 posted on 04/22/2002 8:17:50 AM PDT by connectthedots
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