Posted on 04/10/2002 9:29:38 AM PDT by TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig
Sitting in small circles, their knees touching, students shared their own hurt and the pain they had inflicted on others.
The tears flowed. In some groups, half the Washington Middle School students were crying at once.
Applause followed, as the seventh- and eighth-graders stepped up to roving microphones and declared what they would do to mend broken relationships with their schoolmates.
Two boys shook hands after one apologized for making fun of the other, and said he hoped to be more supportive.
A girl owned up to snubbing an old friend. "I'm sorry that I've been very distant and that I've chosen other friends in school," she said. "I'm going to work on that, and I'm going to be a better friend."
The girls embraced.
Challenge Day, a workshop aimed at creating a safe school environment free of teasing and harassment, has come to Seattle public schools.
Students and staff members were effusive in their praise for the fast-growing program. Nearly 300 students from Washington and Meany middle schools participated in three daylong sessions last week.
But the emotional intensity of the workshops — and their promotion of encounter-style seminars by a controversial for-profit company — have led critics to suggest the schools have strayed into inappropriate areas.
Challenge Day participants received information packets about a seminar offered in Seattle next month by Resource Realizations, a Scottsdale, Ariz., company best known for its work in residential behavior-modification programs for troubled teens. The company's seminars also were plugged at free parent workshops in the schools.
The Rev. Ron Davis, pastor of Magnolia Presbyterian Church and the father of a Washington eighth-grader who did not attend Challenge Day, said he was concerned about the involvement of Resource Realizations.
"You open the door, you make kids vulnerable, you hand them off to Resource Realizations. I find that unacceptable," Davis said.
Last week's workshops, described by one student as "a psycho cry fest," were the first joint venture involving Resource Realizations, the separate, nonprofit Challenge Day organization, graduates of Resource Realizations seminars, and public schools.
Washington Principal Marilyn Day said she had been unaware of Resource Realizations' partnership with Challenge Day but did not view the workshops as attempts to recruit students to seminars. She said families won't sign up for seminars if they feel they are inappropriate.
Meany Middle School Principal Christi Clark could not be reached for comment.
Superintendent Joseph Olchefske said he had little information about the events and expects middle-schools director Donna Hudson to speak with the principals after spring break.
Olchefske noted that Seattle schools are allowed considerable discretion in deciding what is beneficial for students and are encouraged to form partnerships with outside groups. However, "Clearly, the idea of marketing through kids is something we frown on," he said.
A letter from Resource Realizations founder David Gilcrease to the parents of Challenge Day participants said "the next step for your teen" is the company's three-day, $295 Teen Discovery seminar. Brochures were provided for a May 3-5 seminar at the Ramada Inn on Northgate Way.
"While Challenge Day is a critical first step, a one-day learning experience only goes so far," Gilcrease wrote. "To create truly lasting transformation in their lives, most teens need more."
Critics have accused Resource Realizations' seminars, like the better-known est and Lifespring trainings of the 1970s, of "brainwashing" participants. Gilcrease was a Lifespring facilitator for five years before starting his own company in 1986.
Resource Realizations is a defendant in several lawsuits in which parents claim their children were emotionally abused by seminar facilitators or staff at behavior-therapy facilities where teen seminars are held. The company denies the allegations.
Until now, the seminars have been pitched primarily to teens and parents of teens in the five member programs of the St. George, Utah-based World Wide Association of Specialty Programs.
The pilot program in Seattle is the first step in bringing the seminars to a larger market.
Gilcrease said the new approach offers "a huge potential growth area" for his $2 million-a-year company, but the motivation isn't financial.
"We make pretty good money. I don't need money. We want to make a difference. We've got some serious problems here," Gilcrease said.
Family Visions Foundation, created by seminar graduates, paid nearly $10,000 for the middle schools' Challenge Days as part of an effort to reach a broader range of families, including those not in crisis, said Family Visions board member Michele Anciaux Aoki, who arranged the Washington and Meany workshops.
"It's been a gift to our family," Aoki said of the seminars she has attended with her husband since she took her struggling 16-year-old son to Spring Creek Lodge in Thompson Falls, Mont., three years ago.
Aoki, co-president of the Parent Teacher Student Association at Washington Middle School, is one of many parents who credit the seminars with motivating their children to straighten up and with bringing families back together.
Mort Hurt, who went through seminars to support his daughter nine years ago, called it "a life-changing experience. ... If we had a program like this worldwide, we wouldn't be having the problems we face today."
Schools, eager to find antidotes to the damaging effects of cliques, bullying, and drug and alcohol abuse, have embraced Challenge Day in growing numbers. St. Joseph School in Seattle offered the program to sixth- through eighth-graders in February.
Challenge Day, created in 1987 by teen intervention counselors Yvonne and Rich St. John-Dutra, has expanded rapidly since a story about it appeared in the best-selling book "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul." The organization's headquarters are in Martinez, Calif.
At Washington Middle School's Challenge Day, students stood behind a blue line stretched across the large social hall in St. Joseph Church on Capitol Hill.
Students and staff members silently crossed the line if various life experiences applied to them. Have you or a friend or family member faced a problem with alcohol or drugs? Has a loved one died of a serious illness? Has one been beaten or killed?
Have you contemplated suicide or known someone who killed himself? Have you ever been teased because you were considered too skinny? Too fat?
Have you been poor, homeless or on welfare?
Students reflected on what they had learned, then made public apologies to their schoolmates.
After the final exercise — hugging as many people as possible in two minutes, to the theme from "Rocky" — eighth-grader Sydney Simon said of Challenge Day, "It changed me. I feel more compassionate and loving toward everybody. Differences don't matter so much anymore."
Her feeling was widely shared. One boy later told a counselor it had been the best day of his life; he felt as though 80 pounds had been lifted from his shoulders.
St. Joseph School Administrator George Hofbauer called Challenge Day "a phenomenally powerful experience" that made students more sensitive to their schoolmates' feelings. He said the school funded the program before Challenge Day and Resource Realizations formed their partnership.
Meany social-studies teacher Jamie Asaka called the experience "just fabulous." But a couple of students asked her, "OK, now we've opened up our wounds. Are we going to get a chance to deal with some of these things?"
Challenge Day was, overall, a very positive experience, but some parts may have been "a little bit too raw, a little too intense," said Meany head counselor Sally Graham-Hurt. School staffers are now discussing a possible follow-up program with the Northwest Family Visions Foundation.
Graham-Hurt said she had "twinges of discomfort" over the promotion of Resource Realizations seminars to students.
Some participants in those seminars have been offended by the experience. Clayton, Calif., piano dealer Kendall Ross Bean said he dropped out when he was told to affirm his trust in other group members by telling his "deepest, darkest secret" to the next person he came to.
Thomas Burton, a Pleasanton, Calif., attorney representing several parents and children suing Resource Realizations and the behavior-modification facilities that contract for the seminars, said one client was told to wear a sign saying "Slut" after she confided she had been sexually abused. The girl also was told to wear a fishnet top and assume sexually provocative poses, Burton said.
Founder Gilcrease said he was unaware of Burton's allegation and said such tactics would not be used in any of his company's seminars. "They're tough and they're fair and they're not about degrading people," he said.
Gilcrease also said the "script" for seminar facilitators does not include asking participants to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets. However, participants are encouraged to face painful truths that might stand in the way of healthy family relationships, he said.
The whole thing is a joke. Not because teachers don't matter or kids who are bad can't change, or even because I'm cynical. I'm not a cynical person at all. I'm a very upbeat and positive person.
The problem is this isn't the school system number one, two, or three priority. When the school is getting their main job done then they can take on more tasks. I very consistent on this. I don't think they should buy new football uniforms when they need new textbooks. They shouldn't repave the student parking lot until all the toilets work in the school.
Do the most important job first.
HOWEVER, I FEEL OUR KIDS ARE IN SUPER CRISIS IN OUR COUNTRY. PARENTS CEASED TO DO THE JOB LONG AGO. CHURCHES NEVER HAVE DONE WELL AT BEING PSEUDO PARENTS. THAT LEAVES THE SCHOOL. MANY OF THESE KIDS WILL BE IN PRISON BEFORE THEY ARE 35. OTHERS WILL BE ACTING SUFFICIENTLY TO WARRANT IT BUT JUST HAVEN'T BEEN CAUGHT UP IN THE SYSTEM YET. THIS IS AN EPIDEMIC PROBLEM GETTING WORSE HOURLY. I guess I feel anything like this that has a CHANCE OF TURNING AROUND EVE 5% OF THE KIDS IS WORTH THE TIME OUT AND THE EXPENSE, WHATEVER IT IS. And, I believe it would likely turn 20-30% or more of the kids around--especially if it teaches them enough communication skills that they ferret out the other later contacts they so desperately need.
It IS troubling that there was not a group "qualified" person there but there may have been. Certification is not everything. It is "ostensibly" to protect the consumer but the truth is, it is a gatekeeping function and beyond that designed secondarily to protect the professional from suit.
If these characters running such a show have had a fair amount of experience doing this enough times--even 5-7 times--they should know from experience how to handle it. . . if they have half a brain and half a heart. Sounds like they do.
I finally read every word of the article. I'm not impressed with the commercialization aspects but I am still impressed that they'd set up such an event. It is still worth it, in my view.
The schools are a trauma center/emergency room/war zone. SOMEHOW SOME OF THAT HAS TO BE ADDRESSED IF THERE IS ****ANY**** HOPE OF ANY READING, WRITING AND MATH GETTING DONE AT ALL.
THANKS for your kind response. Blessings,
I was involved in one of these sessions as a hs kid. In the 30 minutes that the love fest is going on, it's great! But as soon as it's over, the kids who were jerks to begin with were locked and loaded, ready for more taunting.
HOWEVER, *******SOME******* KIDS WILL HAVE A ****LOT**** MORE COURAGE AND EVEN SILENT INNER RESILIANCE TO STAND UP TO SUCH TAUNTINGS--even if only in the quiet of their minds and hearts--which may be enough for them--
SOMEONE SANCTIONS THEIR SANITY, THEIR NEEDS, THEIR HURTS, THEIR PERSPECTIVE EVEN IF IT'S ONLY IN A 30-60 MINUTE SESSION. They can at least tell themselves more convincingly that the JERKS ARE JERKS and that regardless of how the jerks may leave them feeling, their feelings have some validity and the jerks are out of line.
THAT SORT OF REALIZATION ALONE CAN BE LIFE CHANGING. Certainly not for ALL students. But for some is well worth it.
I talk with the teens on my street from time to time. They are candid enough to tell me they cheat at school, and the teacher doesn't care. They smoke pot as school and the Principal doesn't care. They stay out 'til all hours and their parents don't care.
Pretty obvious that they are desperate for someone to care. So I listen to their escapades and chide them gently about their grades. Could I delve into their heads? Probably. I've found that these kids will talk to anyone who actually paid attention. But that's not my job. I simply try to be a friend, someone who cares.
Welll, I'm also human. . . and dreadful at telling jokes from non jokes in such a context. . . . perhaps you'd best spell out what you meant so I don't miss your point entirely.
IF you mean--oh, psychologist--no wonder he's screwed up--yeah, I've had my traumatized childhood stuff and steep prolonged learning curve.
The research shows that there are two kinds of therapists who are most excellent--those who've been there and mostly worked it through--and the far fewer healthy all their lives souls who just happen to be the cream of their crop. Certainly I tend to be the former.
It was always gratifying that people who had seen 8-15 therapists!!! over many years, even decades--persistently said I was the best and some of them that I was better than all the rest combined. The first time I took it as a fluke. When the incidents of hearing such piled up, I was humbled and thankful to God for how far He'd brought me. Clearly I have futher to go.
ROTFLOL! Did anyone think to simply change the name of the school to something like "Touchy-Feely" Middle School! Problem solved!
Trust me, they are much more likely to feel like utter and complete fools for falling for the teachers "let's talk it out" crap. And now they are pissed at the teacher for leaving them wide open for more abuse, as he/she walks away.
The schools have enough problems serving the basic needs of their students with teachers having to make sure their students were fed, clothed, not being abused (mandated reporting is part of having a credential these days), teaching the kids whatever subjects they were hired to teach and last but not least, grade homework and papers. Where in all of this was the time to pursue a PhD in psychology and get the 1500 hours in for a license? Also, the use of a for profit company to magnify existing problems is just plain stupid. It is a bit unethical to say the least. I find the actions of these schools appalling and a real disservice to the kids they thought they were helping.
I'll spell it all out for you. My son is one of those kids who gets picked on. He is rather clueless socially. Teachers and school counselors told him that he ought to respond to the mean kids with "I messages". "I feel hurt when you call me names." How do you suppose that went over with the other 2nd grade boys?
If we were dealing with basically decent kids who from time to time forget to think about other people's feelings...well, maybe you could prick their consciences and make a difference. But many kids today are simply vicious. They are deliberately cruel. And I won't have some teacher serve my kid up on a platter to them.
And some kids can't handle it. So do we damage some to save others?
Teachers generally know which kids are basically decent and which are mean. They know which kids are fairly resilient and which ones are excruciatingly sensitive. They can mediate routine spats. But for the big stuff, they should let professionals handle it.
I see negligible downside to this. Letting jerks know their behavior is jerky is a downside? Giving kids more courage to own their own reality and stand up more boldly even if only inside--and many outside as well--is a problem???
I fail to see any significant problem. Anything I can think of would already have gone on without the intervention. . . has probably been long going on already.
I messages can be a start even with ragaholics. It takes a growing toughness to risk them and not cower. But the boldness to try is a beginning or to even imagine trying.
I was as you describe your son. Well into and through high school even. Even in college someone could look at me in the wrong way and I'd tear up.
I think an older brother mentor is really crucial in such situations. mentoring, teaching, training, leading the kid into stronger self confidence and stronger courage with skills to stand up when fitting and to run with a clear conscience when wise.
Some of the jerks are plain evil from evil homes with lots of evil training. "I" messages will not do it and certainly not alone. BUT WHAT legally viable in our culture WILL?
These kids and their parents need some island somewhere to be reborn as human beings and trained more that way through age 35 or so. Otherwise, sociopaths is probably the best hope they have for a life category.
It's POSSIBLE that clusters of weaker kids could start to form and support one another--either spontaneously or with some older, social star kids making such happen with some wise faculty support. It's possible for jock stars who aren't being jerks--there sometimes are a few--could step in as overt protectors and defenders giving the weaker sorts space to toughen up.
You have other suggestions?
I still don't see this program per se offering anyone up on a plate to the jerks. Instead, I see it increasing the likelihood across the board that some kids' self-esteem will be much better able to resist--at least inwardly--the messages the jerks repeatedly try to beat into others that the victims are as much schmucks as the violent prone feel and act like they are.
Yeah, I wouldn't cross the street to greet a lot of therapists--particularly secular types. I was the token Christian at my Grad school. But I have met a few good secular types and a few good Christian types. It helps to have some humility and a huge heart that heals quickly.
Bwahahahhaha.ha...hah...sniff....sorry ;^)
Any person with 2 functioning brain cells would know that making oneself MORE vulnerable to someone who is tormenting you is STUPID. My son was taught this at school. This is why I said the teachers are unqualified. They have a small amount of knowledge and that makes them dangerous.
The damage is a 7 year old kid who doesn't bother to try to make friends. He's learned that kids play by a different set of rules than those the adults teach.
HOWEVER, there's a lot that's paradoxical about anger, aggression, vulnerability etc. Milton Erickson was an artist at such.
On the whole, I agree one has to be wise and discerning about how and when to be vulnerable with strangers of less than civil known characters.
Standing hurt and vulnerable kids up in front of their tormentors and giving them the expectation that letting it all hang out will make things better is CRUEL. Why? Because first of all, in my experience it doesn't change anything. The hurt kid walks away feeling like an idiot and is now mad at the teacher for putting him/her in that position. And all the mean kids are laughing and elbowing each other..the fat kid cried! Guess they've got more ammo.
It is very easy for a teacher to take the jerk aside and say, "Hey, calling names is not cool and won't happen at my school." It is just as easy for a teacher to take aside a hurting kid and buck him/her up. And I think that is a wonderful thing. But these encounter sessions are not.
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